I don’t know what to say. She lives at home alone, age 90 with congestive heart failure and I believe dementia. She remains undiagnosed though they say she “sundowns”. She has so many of the symptoms. My brother is in denial. I am not.
It is very hard. She is homebound, has fallen a lot, does not want any caretakers. We have had many. I have offered to go over and clean; she said no. I cook and she doesn’t eat and then tells me not to cook anymore. She is not hungry. I cannot do anything right. I shop for her food as well. I buy whatever she needs. I pay for it all and we send money every month. Have been for many years.
But today she has said that I am thinking of her death and that I want her money. Nothing could be further from the truth. She has some money saved up. It is in my brother’s hands for years.
I once made a huge mistake and said that I would leave my children equal amounts if I were to die. In other words: If I had three dollars, I would leave one dollar to each. She interpreted this as meaning that I want her money. She is planning to leave it all to her grandson, my brother’s son who is 12 years old. I had told her fine. Many many times. I do not care. In fact, if she were to leave me any money, I would give it to my brother as he needs it more than I do.
I have never cared about money,not hers, not mine and not anyone elses. I have always helped her out financially and never said one word. My entire life, in fact. So to hear this now, is just painful.
I try to explain that I don’t care. I even told her to ask everyone … in the family … to tell them all that I want her money. My thinking was that maybe someone else could convince her this is not true. All who know me know that I am the least materialistic person there is.
It all ended with her telling me not to speak to her anymore … not for a year at least. I believe it is dementia. Memory loss, inability to handle so many things, calling me a liar all the time, people stealing things from her, misplacing things … the whole gamut.
I don’t know what to do. I am at my wits end. This is a mother who loved me always and whom I love dearly. I pray for her daily. I pray that she will not suffer to much and that when her life comes to an end it will be as easy as possible. I am grieving.
There is no way to have the kind of closure I am looking for … closure with love because she just doesn’t believe me or trust me anymore.