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She is 94 and is mad we don't get her food when we go out. I shop and ask her if she wants carry out and she says no. What I buy her is too expensive. My husband has stage 4 cancer and she resents the time I spend with him. Any help because I am spent.

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Dear Drezaczech,

I'm very sorry to hear how your mom's insensitive words have hurt you. I know its hard being the caregiver to both your mom and husband. Tell your mom, I am doing my best for you and if you are disappointed, I can do less. Sometimes there is no pleasing an elderly parent. I tried and tried and sometimes it feels so fruitless. I couldn't even get a please or thank you. Or are you tired? Maybe you need a break. It was always just keep going forward the best you can. I know she is 94 but maybe its time to step back. Focus on your husband. Focus on yourself as well. Trying to be the patient and good daughter does take a terrible toll. Thinking of you. Sending love and hugs.
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"We all have disappointments in our lives. I'm disappointed that you are not more supportive of me as I care for my husband. I think we all just have to do the best we can in this imperfect world."
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Can she afford care during the day? Does she have other children? If no money, check with Office of Aging or Medicaid and see if u can get an aide. Why are u spending money on her food?
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What about. Hey mom. If I could split my self in two. Or perhaps clone myself. I could be all things to all people. It's just not possible. Do you understand my husband is very sick. Could you maybe , be a little supportive of me ? Because I'm truly doing the best I can to help both of you
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Your husband comes first. When he is gone you'll morn for the rest of your life. That's because when you married you became one with him. Your mom needs to depend on someone else while you stay with your husband.
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"Gee I'm sorry you feel that way mom, I'm doing all I can. Maybe you will be happier if you go live someplace where there are people who can look after you" or " I guess you will have to hire someone who will be able to do that for you".
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