Mom got diagnosed with ALZ/vascular dementia in 2012. She is 85. Last August, she was at the nadir of her disease and got tested to quantify the dementia's progression. She was deemed incapacitated by two MD's based on this testing and 2 letters have been written. At the time, we placed her in a very expensive residential care home (ARCH) where she has absolutely thrived. All meds were withdrawn and she is now eating, sleeping, reading, winning at Cribbage, etc. Bottom line however: She HAS lost most executive functions and no longer manages her accounts/bills.
The question is: She is quickly running out of money and we need to sell her house in order to pay for this excellent care. She is refusing. Is it ethical to continue with declaring her incapacitated in view of these improvements? I've asked for her to be re-tested but the medical office is refusing due to insurance restraints. I've thought about retiring to move back to her home to care for her, but that would put me in financial jeopardy and would add to the burden of the emotionally difficult aspects/isolation of full-time care-taking.
I talked to her yesterday about selling, explaining her financial situation. She hung up on me! She lives 2,500 miles away, so these are huge obstacles to overcome. Add to that my own attachment to her house, fear of losing my identity as a working, productive member of society.. It's so complicated! Lawyers are advising me to have her declared to make paperwork easier if we chose to sell. I just cannot imagine having to tell her that her house is gone. Any advice would be most appreciated. By the way, I haven't described how angry and hostile she can be when she gets told something negative.