My 93 year old mother refuses to wear hearing aid, says batteries are too hard to change. Every conversation I have to repeat louder and louder about 4 times. Now my friends are telling me not to yell. Any suggestions?
Speaking closer to the better ear ofen works better than yelling. Also speaking a little slower, clearly & ensuring your mouth is visible for lipreading.
A whiteboard can be used to write important messages or pictures to point at - although that is more often used if non-verbal.
I had to give up asking about hearing aides.
I just talk less & use more hand signals. Sure it's not a full conversation, but it's all I can do. 👍👎👉
I often wish everybody was taught sign language at school. Ears seem to wear out long before we do.. 😞
A few other tips to add to Beatty's ENUNCIATE clearly Lower the pitch of the voice, higher tones are harder to hear. Speak more slowly so that words do not run into each other. Look at the person you are talking to. Many people unconsciously do some lip reading.
I have lived 41 years with a man with an extreme hearing problem from a childhood accident. It wasn't till we had to change providers that I was made aware what is really involved in getting a good fit with a hearing aide. Yes, the batteries are small but should last a while if Mom remembers to open the compartment the battery is in when taking the aids out for the night. But I agree, that rechargeables maybe better.
My husband did better with analog than digital. It was finally explain that with analog the person talking sounds just like the person. With Digital its more mechanical. The brain needs to get used to that mechanical sound, about 2 weeks. If you don't wear them all the time, the brain won't adjust.
Hearing aides need to be serviced once a year. Molds get hard and need to be changed. They also may not fit well causing soreness, these can be shaved down. Tubing too gets brittle and needs changing. And should be checked regularly for wax. There are tools included with the hearing aide to clear out the wax. Wax will effect being able to hear.
When a hearing aide is new, its adjusted by computer. Its only taken so high and so low. It would be unusual if there was no tweeking before they are completely comfortable. So a person may need to go back for an adjustment. My husband has been wearing aids for 70 yrs so he is an old pro but someone wearing them for the first time has no idea if there is something wrong, they just stop wearing them. If a persons hearing has changed, an adjustment maybe needed to compensate. Its not just pop in and ready to go. It may take a visit or two to get it right.
DH finally bought the most expensive HA's on the market (Over $7K). He did it to mollify me, although the audiologist told us both that his hearing was only about 40%, if that.
He doesn't wear them, ever.
And we all have to accommodate HIM. It's one of those things he simply will NOT do, and it makes me so mad--I just give up. If I have something to tell him, I find him and make sure he is looking at me and then I talk, very clearly and enunciate very carefully--and then I ask him to repeat back to me what I said, so I know there's no misunderstandings.
I have zero empathy for him missing out on the funny things the grands say, or missing movie dialogue--or just looking a little 'checked out'. He doesn't realize that saying 'what?' all day long is just ridiculous.
Yet his mom, who is as deaf as he is, he complains about visiting HER b/c to quote him "she's deaf as a post".
it’s true: changing those tiny batteries isn’t easy.
if she can afford it, buy rechargeable hearing aids. my LO has that. charge them during the night; ready to use in the morning.
99.9999% of elderly people refuse to wear hearing aids. hopefully when we’re older, we won’t do that. it’s very annoying for others, to have to repeat sentences.
a lot of people don’t want to admit they have hearing problems. and they kind of like the silence, not being able to hear…
but for everyone else, it’s very annoying when trying to communicate with them.
All these suggestions are good. In addition, refuse to repeat yourself or yell so she can hear you. My father refused to get hearing aids and then expected me to pick up the slack because he couldn't hear. I refused. I was willing to help with things he couldn't do but I refused to take on extra work because he didn't feel like doing something.
My mom (now 85 w/dementia and a host of other things) started loosing her hearing many years ago but being a very vain woman she refused to wear hearing aids. She is very high in narcissist tendancies and there is no reasoning with her even before the dementia.
Before the nursing home placement (NH) two years ago, on her last trip to the ENT and audiologist; she had lost 75-80% of hearing in both ears. Ten years prior it was 65%....
I honestly believe that the hearing loss was a contributing factor to the dementia, as her ability to understand what was being said was basically lost. In her mind, if she heard sounds (even ones that she could not distinguish or the clarity of words spoken) she "WAS NOT DEAF," therefore she did not need hearing aids. Yes, doctors, audiologists, me, grandkids as well as her brother tried to reason with her NOPE.
So I had to give up on getting her to consider hearing aids. Oh the social workers at the NH tried too, NOPE. So before the NH, I would only respond to her w/brief one or a few words, and it would be written on a post it note or emailed to her (she could read an email, could not lean how to email back but whatever). And this way of "talking" was if we were standing right next to each other.
My decision to write brief note or email responses came after one blow up. She lived in our house for 20 years (that's another story), but I told her "I'm going to the store" as I was just about to leave. She blew up at me, yelling "I do NOT snore." "Why do you say I snore?" I repeated in the loudest voice is could muster, "I am going to the GROCERY STORE." She just said "oh." No apology, no awareness of how NOT being able to hear impacts everyone else, how impossible it all was. No one could visit in her room as the TV was blaring, she'd yell all the time because she could NOT hear her own voice. Maddening.
I agree with others, stop yelling. Maybe just write one-word answers on note paper. But at some point -- like with my mom -- it is just too late for hearing aids. Thankfully mom's TV in her NH room has "closed captions," but I have no idea if she really can follow them.
Oh, Sohenc, I feel your pain. SO many ridiculous misunderstandings/arguments between my mother and me because she cannot hear what I am actually saying! Totally frustrating, I know.
There are rechargeable hearing aids on the market now that are very good. I simply place mine in their holder every night and I always have a charge. No more batteries. I paid a lot of good money to replace my still-good older hearing aids for this benefit. Worth it! I donated my old hearing aids, with all the supplies for them to someone who could not afford the aids.
On the other hand, my mother had some excellent hearing aids which she rarely wore. The older she got, the less she wore them. What my sisters and I did was to refuse to raise our voices. If she wanted to know what the conversation was about she could always put in her hearing aids. If they needed a battery change any one of us could change them for her. When she would complain about people "whispering" we would respond to her that it was not whispering, but normal conversational tones.
It does not help to raise your voice because an older person refuses to wear their aids. You strain your voice and you also reinforce the behavior you are trying to discourage. Don't become impatient or argue. That is not helpful either. Just make it plain to her that you will not strain your voice because she does not want to wear her aids. Let it be her choice whether she would rather hear or remain confused about what is happening.
You probably have many battles ahead of you as your mother continues to age. Try to choose not to participate in as many of them as possible. Believe me, you only have strength for the most important ones. My sisters and I tried to be as non-confrontational as possible with Mom during the final decade of her life. It was often very frustrating, but we found that life was much easier if we simply let Mom have her own way in matters that were not serious health concerns.
Yes, we would have preferred to have her wear her aids and be fully part of our conversations, but if we were going to be assertive about something it would be the need to pay some heed to her diet for diabetes or the need to use the grab bars in the shower. My own rule for myself was that I would only try to assert myself once in any one visit. I would hold off in that one time until I felt that something was really, really important and let the small stuff go. It was far more important to both of us that we had a nice visit rather than a constant battle.
Hearing aids are problematic. Unless you find one that you can appreciate, they are more of a necessary annoyance.
If the problem is really the batteries, there is one really important thing you need to know (only because I didn't know at first either) The batteries that my Mom uses, are activated by "air". If you see a tab covering the battery, you have this type. These "air activated" batteries require a minimum of 3 minutes to fully activate....that is pull the tab off, let it sit for 3 minutes, then insert it into the hearing aid. Anything less makes them run out prematurely, like almost immediately if you don't wait at all. 3 minutes is a long time. Most people can't imagine waiting 3 minutes for a battery to activate before putting their hearing aid on. Sounds crazy, however it is true....you need to wait at least 3 minutes after pulling off the tab.
To see if her hearing aid battery is "dead", have her take out her hearing aid and you put your hand around it. It should "squeal". If it doesn't, the battery is dead. Sometimes, you can take out the battery, put it back in, and the hearing aid will work for a little while longer.
As my Mom got older, she would occasionally put in the battery upside down. The problem is that the battery cover will close over the battery, even though the battery is upside down, then your hearing aid doesn't work. Getting the battery to be right side up when you discover this, can be a real pain to correct.
Through trial and error, I found out many times that the reason why my Mom couldn't hear me, was because I didn't speak slow enough. The clue was that she would eavesdrop on conversations, get upset, when just seconds ago, she said she couldn't hear. Yes, it could be due to age, however, it has a lot to do with the hearing aids too.
Now that I'm wearing hearing aids, I find that I have significant trouble hearing voices at certain frequencies, more than others. To determine if that is the case, change the pitch of your voice when you repeat what you said to her. Apparently bass (low) are the frequencies that most people have trouble with. The pitch doesn't have to change much.
Last but not least, my Mom went to 1 hearing aid instead of 2. The issue was that she could not hear peripheral sounds nearly as well when she had 2 hearing aids on. Hence, with only 1 aid, what 1 ear couldn't hear, the other one did and the brain put it all together (just like your eyes.)
Personal amplifiers are another option. Hearing aid in one ear, earbud from the personal amplifier in the other. Your Mom's audiologist can recommend one (there is a lot of difference in the brands) and even tell from her hearing test, whether this might be a viable alternative.
President Biden just signed into law, the ability to get hearing aids without prescription. I hope this provides a lot more options, and encourages better hearing aids. I'm not happy with my hearing aids. It is like the old days where when you talked to someone on a speakerphone, you cannot hear 2 voices at once. I thought that bluetooth from my cell phone directly into my hearing aids would help the fuzziness of the call quality. Nope, it turns out that programming bluetooth is an art. My best calls for voice (not music), come from Apple Air Pod Pros and AfterShocz. If you are not hearing impaired, you cannot grasp how difficult it is to get full-spectrum hearing back.
I feel for you. Please have patience with your Mom. I totally understand how hearing will "isolate" a person. It takes quite a bit of energy to make sense of the "garbled" noises.
P.S. I have the hearing aids with rechargeable batteries and bluetooth. One of the downsides is that I can go only 16 hours on a full charge. In addition, one side will go out before the other. My Mom's hearing aids with batteries, last 9 days, mine don't last even a full 24 hours.
Now I know why my moms battery seemed to die ! I never knew about the 3 min pause… she always put them I. Right away and then complain the battery died a day later!
Tell her you will change the batteries for her. Also , talk to her ear doctor and find out how to make sure she is comfortable with the aid. They take some getting used to; when you talk to her on the phone make sure she’s using the speaker, and NOT too loud. I am 82 and still have problems hearing when people mumble or speak facing away from me; can’t imagine Not having more problems if i live that long! Take it easy……
A whiteboard can be used to write important messages or pictures to point at - although that is more often used if non-verbal.
I had to give up asking about hearing aides.
I just talk less & use more hand signals. Sure it's not a full conversation, but it's all I can do.
👍👎👉
I often wish everybody was taught sign language at school. Ears seem to wear out long before we do.. 😞
ENUNCIATE clearly
Lower the pitch of the voice, higher tones are harder to hear.
Speak more slowly so that words do not run into each other.
Look at the person you are talking to. Many people unconsciously do some lip reading.
My husband did better with analog than digital. It was finally explain that with analog the person talking sounds just like the person. With Digital its more mechanical. The brain needs to get used to that mechanical sound, about 2 weeks. If you don't wear them all the time, the brain won't adjust.
Hearing aides need to be serviced once a year. Molds get hard and need to be changed. They also may not fit well causing soreness, these can be shaved down. Tubing too gets brittle and needs changing. And should be checked regularly for wax. There are tools included with the hearing aide to clear out the wax. Wax will effect being able to hear.
When a hearing aide is new, its adjusted by computer. Its only taken so high and so low. It would be unusual if there was no tweeking before they are completely comfortable. So a person may need to go back for an adjustment. My husband has been wearing aids for 70 yrs so he is an old pro but someone wearing them for the first time has no idea if there is something wrong, they just stop wearing them. If a persons hearing has changed, an adjustment maybe needed to compensate. Its not just pop in and ready to go. It may take a visit or two to get it right.
He doesn't wear them, ever.
And we all have to accommodate HIM. It's one of those things he simply will NOT do, and it makes me so mad--I just give up. If I have something to tell him, I find him and make sure he is looking at me and then I talk, very clearly and enunciate very carefully--and then I ask him to repeat back to me what I said, so I know there's no misunderstandings.
I have zero empathy for him missing out on the funny things the grands say, or missing movie dialogue--or just looking a little 'checked out'. He doesn't realize that saying 'what?' all day long is just ridiculous.
Yet his mom, who is as deaf as he is, he complains about visiting HER b/c to quote him "she's deaf as a post".
it’s true: changing those tiny batteries isn’t easy.
if she can afford it, buy rechargeable hearing aids. my LO has that. charge them during the night; ready to use in the morning.
99.9999% of elderly people refuse to wear hearing aids. hopefully when we’re older, we won’t do that. it’s very annoying for others, to have to repeat sentences.
a lot of people don’t want to admit they have hearing problems. and they kind of like the silence, not being able to hear…
but for everyone else, it’s very annoying when trying to communicate with them.
Before the nursing home placement (NH) two years ago, on her last trip to the ENT and audiologist; she had lost 75-80% of hearing in both ears. Ten years prior it was 65%....
I honestly believe that the hearing loss was a contributing factor to the dementia, as her ability to understand what was being said was basically lost. In her mind, if she heard sounds (even ones that she could not distinguish or the clarity of words spoken) she "WAS NOT DEAF," therefore she did not need hearing aids. Yes, doctors, audiologists, me, grandkids as well as her brother tried to reason with her NOPE.
So I had to give up on getting her to consider hearing aids. Oh the social workers at the NH tried too, NOPE. So before the NH, I would only respond to her w/brief one or a few words, and it would be written on a post it note or emailed to her (she could read an email, could not lean how to email back but whatever). And this way of "talking" was if we were standing right next to each other.
My decision to write brief note or email responses came after one blow up. She lived in our house for 20 years (that's another story), but I told her "I'm going to the store" as I was just about to leave. She blew up at me, yelling "I do NOT snore." "Why do you say I snore?" I repeated in the loudest voice is could muster, "I am going to the GROCERY STORE." She just said "oh." No apology, no awareness of how NOT being able to hear impacts everyone else, how impossible it all was. No one could visit in her room as the TV was blaring, she'd yell all the time because she could NOT hear her own voice. Maddening.
I agree with others, stop yelling. Maybe just write one-word answers on note paper. But at some point -- like with my mom -- it is just too late for hearing aids. Thankfully mom's TV in her NH room has "closed captions," but I have no idea if she really can follow them.
Sad what people do to themselves.
On the other hand, my mother had some excellent hearing aids which she rarely wore. The older she got, the less she wore them. What my sisters and I did was to refuse to raise our voices. If she wanted to know what the conversation was about she could always put in her hearing aids. If they needed a battery change any one of us could change them for her. When she would complain about people "whispering" we would respond to her that it was not whispering, but normal conversational tones.
It does not help to raise your voice because an older person refuses to wear their aids. You strain your voice and you also reinforce the behavior you are trying to discourage. Don't become impatient or argue. That is not helpful either. Just make it plain to her that you will not strain your voice because she does not want to wear her aids. Let it be her choice whether she would rather hear or remain confused about what is happening.
You probably have many battles ahead of you as your mother continues to age. Try to choose not to participate in as many of them as possible. Believe me, you only have strength for the most important ones. My sisters and I tried to be as non-confrontational as possible with Mom during the final decade of her life. It was often very frustrating, but we found that life was much easier if we simply let Mom have her own way in matters that were not serious health concerns.
Yes, we would have preferred to have her wear her aids and be fully part of our conversations, but if we were going to be assertive about something it would be the need to pay some heed to her diet for diabetes or the need to use the grab bars in the shower. My own rule for myself was that I would only try to assert myself once in any one visit. I would hold off in that one time until I felt that something was really, really important and let the small stuff go. It was far more important to both of us that we had a nice visit rather than a constant battle.
https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/the-hidden-risks-of-hearing-loss
If the problem is really the batteries, there is one really important thing you need to know (only because I didn't know at first either) The batteries that my Mom uses, are activated by "air". If you see a tab covering the battery, you have this type. These "air activated" batteries require a minimum of 3 minutes to fully activate....that is pull the tab off, let it sit for 3 minutes, then insert it into the hearing aid. Anything less makes them run out prematurely, like almost immediately if you don't wait at all. 3 minutes is a long time. Most people can't imagine waiting 3 minutes for a battery to activate before putting their hearing aid on. Sounds crazy, however it is true....you need to wait at least 3 minutes after pulling off the tab.
To see if her hearing aid battery is "dead", have her take out her hearing aid and you put your hand around it. It should "squeal". If it doesn't, the battery is dead. Sometimes, you can take out the battery, put it back in, and the hearing aid will work for a little while longer.
As my Mom got older, she would occasionally put in the battery upside down. The problem is that the battery cover will close over the battery, even though the battery is upside down, then your hearing aid doesn't work. Getting the battery to be right side up when you discover this, can be a real pain to correct.
Through trial and error, I found out many times that the reason why my Mom couldn't hear me, was because I didn't speak slow enough. The clue was that she would eavesdrop on conversations, get upset, when just seconds ago, she said she couldn't hear. Yes, it could be due to age, however, it has a lot to do with the hearing aids too.
Now that I'm wearing hearing aids, I find that I have significant trouble hearing voices at certain frequencies, more than others. To determine if that is the case, change the pitch of your voice when you repeat what you said to her. Apparently bass (low) are the frequencies that most people have trouble with. The pitch doesn't have to change much.
Last but not least, my Mom went to 1 hearing aid instead of 2. The issue was that she could not hear peripheral sounds nearly as well when she had 2 hearing aids on. Hence, with only 1 aid, what 1 ear couldn't hear, the other one did and the brain put it all together (just like your eyes.)
Personal amplifiers are another option. Hearing aid in one ear, earbud from the personal amplifier in the other. Your Mom's audiologist can recommend one (there is a lot of difference in the brands) and even tell from her hearing test, whether this might be a viable alternative.
President Biden just signed into law, the ability to get hearing aids without prescription. I hope this provides a lot more options, and encourages better hearing aids. I'm not happy with my hearing aids. It is like the old days where when you talked to someone on a speakerphone, you cannot hear 2 voices at once. I thought that bluetooth from my cell phone directly into my hearing aids would help the fuzziness of the call quality. Nope, it turns out that programming bluetooth is an art. My best calls for voice (not music), come from Apple Air Pod Pros and AfterShocz. If you are not hearing impaired, you cannot grasp how difficult it is to get full-spectrum hearing back.
I feel for you. Please have patience with your Mom. I totally understand how hearing will "isolate" a person. It takes quite a bit of energy to make sense of the "garbled" noises.
P.S. I have the hearing aids with rechargeable batteries and bluetooth. One of the downsides is that I can go only 16 hours on a full charge. In addition, one side will go out before the other. My Mom's hearing aids with batteries, last 9 days, mine don't last even a full 24 hours.
I am 82 and still have problems hearing when people mumble or speak facing away from me; can’t imagine Not having more problems if i live that long! Take it easy……
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