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I rented out my home and have been living with my parents for the past nine months. My mother has COPD and severe osteoporosis. She sleeps in a recliner every night and remains there all day long watching TV. I don't mind being there to help her when she needs it, but I work a full-time job and she can be quite demanding, even calling me at my job to ask me to get something at the store, which can be on a daily basis. I'm quite honestly wore out! She will call me on my cell phone late at night to do some menial thing that she could do herself, but just doesn't want too, or says her lower spine hurts too much to get up and do it, or that she's too tired, etc. My father is very frail, and almost 80 years old, a cancer survivor twice. She feels she shouldn't have to get some outside help, that HE should do it. I feel he won't last long after I'm gone if there isn't some other help. I am only there for 3 more months, as this was just a temporary situation to get mom the medical help she needs, oxygen, good doctors, etc. Ultimately, she refuses any outside help and just wants us to run constantly for fast food, or to the store, errands for her, etc. She can do small things for herself, but if we are there, then she asks us to do it, even to get her a glass of juice. I am so frustrated. What to do?

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I believe most of our elderly parents need to be put into a nice assisted living if possible. It makes most families work better. Go see a elder care lawyer and work toward a good solution for everyone. When they can't go to the bathroom, can't think clearly and are demanding they need to go to a place that understands the problem.
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Kimber, when I was a kid, my grandma broke her hip. After the surgery, she grandly said, "I'm an invalid niw, my daughters will care for me". We'll my aunt worked full time and my mom was home with 3 small kids. She told my grandmother that she couldn't come live with us unless she could walk, get to the bathroom and to the table to eat. Boy, was grandma mad! But she went to rehab (yelled at my mom every time we visited) but my mom stood firm. So when caring for MY mom at home became too arduous, saying "mom, this isn't working out for me anymore" was hard, but I knew it was the right thing to do. Her needs were beyond my capacity.

Was she happy to go to Independent Living? No. But it was what she NEEDED. We honor our elderly parents by getting them what they need, not necessarily what they want.
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Thank you and I appreciate your answer, although she is absolutely defiant about having any help come in. It's heartbreaking to watch it all. My siblings and I are going to get together soon and discuss options for them. I cannot leave them the way they are. I couldn't live with myself if I did. Something needs to change.
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So, you feel like SHE should do kore for herself and SHE feels like dad should do more. They both need help. I would call their doctor and APS and let both know that you have to go back home and that they are in dire need of assistance.
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