My 85-year-old mother refuses medical care, regular checkups and emergency services when she falls, which is often. What can I do? - AgingCare.com

My 85-year-old mother refuses medical care, regular checkups and emergency services when she falls, which is often. What can I do?

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I recently drove my mother to the emergency room after a fall and she refused to get out of the car. The nurses at the emergency room explained that they could not force her to receive care, even though she was bleeding and bruised. She fell again a few days ago and cracked her forehead open. I am sure she needs stitches, but she refuses to get medical care for the injury. My mother also refuses to see her doctor and therefore is not taking the blood pressure medicine that is prescribed to her.


I very much resent her putting me into this position of worrying about her health and not helping me with doctor appointments and care for when she falls and injures herself, but what can I do?

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Thank you, Midkid58.
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Sometimes we have to step up to the plate and take charge.

Next time your mom falls, and she will, just hand it off to the EMT's. Say, "Mom, they have to take you in, I'm sorry, I'll come behind and check on you". While she's in get her checked out and see if you can facilitate a reason for her to remain in the hospital for a couple of days. Yes, it's a bit sneaky, and she'll probably be mad at you, but you need to know what's going on with her.

You'd be surprised just how many elderly people have this happen to them. Once under a Dr's care, you can be her advocate and get some answers.

Or you can do nothing and the same thing will keep happening. I know it's hard to parent your parent. I think like 99% of us here feel that burden and the way it just feels "wrong". But....you need to know what her basic health is. If she's combative, put earplugs in. She's throwing a good old temper tantrum!
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Thank you, BarbBrooklyn.
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You don't need her permission to call 911. You call them and let them decide what needs to be done.

That way, you cover yourself against charges that you neglected her medical care. EMS comes, evaluates, if she refuses transport and they feel she's in danger, they report. Good outcomes all around, imo.
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My mother has refused to see a doctor for about a year. She has fallen numerous times, the last being a few days ago which left a big gaping hole in her forehead , and she still refused me calling 911 for help. There is no communicating with her. She is defensive and hostile. I am at my wits end and seriously considering moving out. I cannot stand living here without any medical support, not to mention no air conditioning in the summer, no heat in the winter apart from a few space heaters, one which nearly started a fire. Her decisions are negatively affecting me, worsening my depression and affecting my overall health.
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How long has your mother been refusing medical attention, NoR?

Do you think she's afraid of what might be found out? I note she underwent treatment for colon cancer a while back.

But anyway, if you can get to the bottom of her reasons for avoiding care it'll give you somewhere to start.
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This is just hypothetical, but what would happen if you moved out?
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If you have a job that pays enough to live on your own, make arrangements to move. When you are in the process, talk to a lawyer to know what rights you've got an make sure all of your i's are dotted and t's are crossed. Don't be afraid to contact APS to let them know that there is a vulnerable adult living at her house. Then nobody can go after you legally. I'm not sure how much trouble you would get into since you don't have POA.
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I am living with her, in her house, jeannegibbs. (I do not have POA or anything of the sort.)

Thank you freqflyer, for the Medicare fib suggestion. I will try it.
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Remind me -- are you living with her, in her house?
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