My Mother is not thriving there and wants out of memory care nursing home. Any advice?

Just an FYI I am not asking my wife to give up her job she is the willing one that brought it up and is thinking of doing this....it is a family decision to make and is not based on 1 sole person it is a family thought and decision process

Guardianship123, you had also asked if your Mother could pay your wife to be her Caregiver.... yes, and one doesn't need Guardianship in order for that to happen.... just make sure that your Mother and your wife draw up an employment contract.

You will also need to make your home elder proof. Is there a bedroom and bath on the main floor? Are there grab bars in the tub/shower and at the toilet? Are the hallways and doorway wide enough for a walker or wheelchair? If you have thick carpeting and padding, that would need to be replaced as it is difficult to walk with a walker on such carpeting. Please note, falls will happen. Are there steps up to the front door or from the garage, if so, a ramp might be needed. The list goes on and on.

Please note that 40% of caregivers die leaving behind the person they were caring. Those are terrible odds. What if something happens to your wife? Would you be willing to quit your job and be your Mother's full-time 168 hour a week caregiver?

Why is your mom in Memory Care? Are her symptoms that advanced? Moving her will almost certainly cause a sharp decline.

I would talk with her physician about how much longer care at home (with LOTS of home health care help coming in) is going to be feasible. Are you (and your wife) really up for doubke incontinence?

I'm with Golflady on this one. Think about this very carefully before committing to this plan. I mean no disrespect but you may be a bit naive about what this move would involve.

you want your wife to give up her life?? Sorry.... Not fair......and that's what will happen. Unless 1 of you have done it before and already know what your in for, you'll be in for a ROUGH road ahead. Think long and hard.Read the stories here. Caretaking is NOT like the commercials where everyone is happy happy. Be prepared for yours and your wives WHOLE life to be consumed by mom. its not a picnic. It has ruined many relationships ( siblings and marriages ).

Guardianship123, what does your wife think about leaving her employment and taking care of your mother? Does she realize how difficult this will be physically, emotionally, and financially?

Please check out these excellent articles about Dementia/Alzheimer's to help give you an idea of what the future will be like, mainly for your wife. Go to the blue bar near the top of the page, click on SENIOR LIVING, now click on Alzheimer's CARE, now scroll down to the articles.

She is in stage 2 dementia but my sister is fine with her going to Texas...is it easy to get guardianship in Texas or will my mother have to go through competency testing all over again?

Your sister is your mother's guardian at the present time. What does she think about the idea of moving your mother to TX? Since your mother is in memory care, I imagine that she is in a fairly advanced stage of dementia. If she is, it may be best to let her remain as stable as possible unless you know she will do better with you. Have you spent long periods of time recently caring for your mother? Often people who are not there daily don't really know how things are.

I think it is wonderful that you want your mother to be as happy as possible. Too often we lose the human-ness of the elder with dementia. I am glad that you still see that. If your sister has been with her in VT, I would listen to the things that she says about her condition and work together to accomplish what you feel is best for your mother.

If you'll let us know a bit more about your mother, her history, and why she is in memory care, someone may have ideas about what might be best or possible. The main goal would be to keep your mother as safe and content as possible under unfortunate circumstances.