Mother desperately needs toenail care, but we think she will refuse. What do we do in this situation?

I hate to be touched. In any way. The last time I had a haircut was for the wedding of my second oldest daughter. I had to take a Xanax and have someone else drive me. They just had their twelth anniversary. When I was on blood thinners I HAD to let a professional trim my toenails. Funny thing is, for me, medical type care is more tolerable than casual contact from friends or family. I can go to my chiropractor, for example, and let him pull, push, twist, etc. but have difficulty hugging family members. This may also apply for your Mom. Tell her the doctor is coming to take care of her feet, that he will treat the discomfort she is having.

Wow, sorry to hear this, I know that when my father was in a NH they had a podiatrist come around every so many weeks to trim the residents nails (both finger and toe), but with this virus thing I don't know what had been happening. The last time we saw my father was in March and when he passed in May.  Where my father was (which was good) would call anytime anything was wrong.  Now that he had been in his last months of living I don't know if his toe nails had stopped growing or not.  But I do know that they would not allow the "hair dresser" to come in to handle people's hair issues.  So, even if they (in your case) didn't allow a podiatrist to come in, I know that RN's are allowed to trim nails, so not sure why this wasn't done.  I would definitely report and then keep an eye on them.  Its also unfortunate that you didn't (right at that moment) go out and find the RN or administrator to come back and look at her feet.  Have it documented.  I feel sorry that your mother had to deal with that, I am sure it was very painful and so glad that it did not turn into an infection.  Explain to her that "until she can come home (a little white lie), she needs to let you get things done for her.  And most places have a hair person, it might cost a little to have done at NH but IF she is on Medicaid they usually will cover a "once a month haircut".  wishing you luck on this matter.

I'm shocked that they don't have a memory care resident on a regular schedule of podiatry visits (unless she refused?).

Medicare covers regular podiatry visits for trimming of toenails. Most elderly people have nails so thick they need to be cut by a podiatrist.

Tell her there's someone coming to visit her who will take care of the pain in her feet.

Definitely share with her your concerns and contact a podiatrist. Your concerns are legitimate and from love. When speaking to your Mom, compare your foot to hers. She knows it hurts, tell her you do not want her to suffer and have relief from the pain. Maybe expressing in a loving way will convince her it needs to be taken care of.
When my Mom could no longer live alone in her home I knew I had to discuss it with her. My mother had lived alone for years and was very self sufficient. She makes it sometimes difficult to discuss circumstances. So, what I did, was pray about it. Yes, pray! I ask God to open Mom’s heart to listen to my concerns and let me know when to have the conversation. God worked it out! She totally agreed and realized she could no longer live alone. I was amazed how everything fell into place when I gave it all to God!

I can understand if beauticians were not allowed in since beauty shops couldn't even be open. However, nail care comes under the heading of podiatrist and that's a doctor. Basically, this facility did not take care of fundamental medical issue. And for it to have become that bad, one would have to wonder when the last time was that she had a bath (where feet were exposed and SOMEONE had to see it). When was the last time they checked her body for bed sores or other issues that are usually covered up by clothing.

You need to follow up on this in person or send someone to make sure it has been taken care of by a doctor. Take pictures if not done yet. Find out who the doctor is and ask for a copy of the medical notes (should say how severe). As a matter of fact, I think you should ask for a copy of all records that pertain to doctor visits to see what has been done for her this year.

She may try to put off certain things (and many of the staff in these facilities are more than happy to oblige because it lightens the workload). For the hair cuts, just be upbeat and happy about it and start the job. As for things that should be done by the facility every single day, your mom needs more observation because you have already seen what can happen when no one is looking. A toenail that has grown as long as you say is neglect at the hands of people PAID to take care of elderly. Disgusting. You need to follow up on the conversation and ask them how the h3ll ANYONE employed there could have missed it during a bath, change of clothes, etc. Let us know what they answer to that - I'm curious.

I want to thank everyone for their care, advice and concern. While I'm extremely shocked, hurt and angry that the NH didn't act proactively on this, we've taken firm steps, and the matter was resolved yesterday WITHOUT a fight from our mother. I was relieved beyond words. Now that we are able to visit again, my sis and I will be keeping extremely close tabs on all this. Because of Mom's extreme psychological volatility, we would call her during lockdown, but it never ended successfully. We asked the nursing staff to send us periodic photos, but of course, none of that would indicate what was going on with her feet. We were concerned about visiting through windows and doorways, because we were very concerned she'd lash out. Our time with Mom once the NH opened up again has gone much better than anticipated, but we can see, within a six month period, how she's changed.

Can you make it a "fun" day and go out for a "pedicure" and go to a podiatrist? Maybe to the podiatrist, with the hype of going for a pedicure after that? And maybe even a lunch or dinner, like an all-day activity for you and her?

When I moved in to my 98 yr old grandpa’s house to help him out I was livid when I saw his feet!
I asked him if he was part badger 😂.
I got on amazon and found some files that were like sanding blocks and ordered some coconut oil infused Epsom salts.
he sat in his recliner and soaked his claws and I proceeded with sanding.
it was not fixed overnight but he really enjoyed the spa treatment.
he was diabetic so I was too scared to do any clipping. Eventually they were nice and smooth with no pain of trying to clip those thick things.

You should take her to the podiatrist right away. They are not taking care of her ?

Immediate care by a podiatrist is needed. He or she will know how to handle this if they regularly give care to seniors. My mother, who had Alzheimers, got to love her Podiatrist. He would sing to her, talk kindly to her and rubbed lotion on her feet. I handled it at first that it was like going to a fancy spa for special ladies. She loved it. She even did well when he had to remove her big toe nail.

When I give my husband a hair cut, who has Alzheimers, I say very little. I have him sit on a chair in the bathroom and tell him I want to check on a sore he has on his head. I then proceed to cut and tell him it helps the sore. Even though there is no sore. One of my little fibs to get things done. I also never say anything in advance of what is going to be done as I had to a week ago when he had to have a broken tooth removed. It’s like with a kid. Keep it real calm.

Medicare does cover 2 visits w Podiatrist per year so call nearby offices & see if they will make visit. If your mom ever had her nails done , try taking her out for afternoon at nail salon for a mani/ pedi& get one your self. Try to bond a little - Maybe it’s something you 2 can do every month or so.. add lunch if her mood is mellow.
Bonnie

As far as her willingness, I cannot say... talk it through calmly and lovingly and ease her into the notion. I hate to have anyone touch my toes, so I get it. I also hate the thought of trimming someone's nails - terrified that i might cut too closes and cause an infection. As you said, the shutdowns have impacted services such as this, and when Ken said he could not go any longer without having his toenails trimmed, I drew a deep breath and got the clippers. Off came the socks, and then I heard the music from the shower scene in Psycho. Not a clue how to approach the task. The nails had become "layered" and brittle. I feared that if I caused the nails to crack or shatter then I really could cause some terrible problems and pain. I told him that I wasn't comfortable... a couple days later I was doing a little fix-it project and needed to trim a nail head off, so I got out the handy Dremel Tool and the light bulb went on. HomeDepot carries a variety of grinding, sanding and polishing tips. Got a very fine, a medium grit, and a buffing tip. I found a comfy well lit area, and tried it on myself first. I got to know that it doesn't hurt, but it tickles... this way I could tell him in advance what to expect.
It was time, I had him soak his feet in warm water to soften the nails, powered up on low and proceeded gently. Once I knew he was comfortable I increased the speed and was done in no time. I then wiped his feet off with a warm cloth and applied lotion (made him feel like royalty - that always works)

Check to see when and if the unit has regular scheduled foot care and get her on the list. Do not attempt to do it yourselves.

I can't believe they don't have a podiatrist that works with the place she is. My dad was in a unit and they had a podiatrist that he would see there. We used to take him to the podiatrist ourselves and did start doing so again as they charged us at the place he was staying which shouldn't have happened. I would also talk to her doctor and see if she does resist if the doctor has any ideas of how to make this easier for her to have this done. She absolutely needs a podiatrist to do this since it has gotten so bad. I would be furious and ask why she was never taken care of for nail care. She had to be getting baths or showers so someone had to see this happening with her toenails. I would want to know who is responsible for this not being taken care of. This should never happen to anyone.

Find a podiatrist that will go to her facility and cut her toenails. I am sure there are some that will provide this service. Call it her pedicure!

DL

Facilities did limit who came into them during Covid but I am surprised that the facility did not notice her feet and get her scheduled. She may have refused and they cannot force her but they should have let you know. Double check to see if there is in fact a podiatrist who comes there and get her on the list. If she is a diabetic, Medicare will pay for it. If not, she would be self pay; they probably would put it on her bill. I would stay out of it and not even comment to her; and it is best you dont do it anyway. If you think it will work, tell her it is a new service they have added.

I don't check in often because most of my time is needed taking care of my husband. I was so very glad to see that you were able to have your moms need taken care of. I can imagine what you & your sis felt seeing ur mom with such pain & discomfort. My husband was stubborn & his toe nails wearing holes in his slippers. Thank God LO still living in our home & I was blessed to be able to coax him & take him to a podiatrist very close to our home.
Good loving daughters are a blessing! I have two. 🤓
Hugs

My sister works in a senior facility and said it should be part of normal care that the nurse trims a resident's toenails. Most facilities will have a podiatrist visit every 3-4 months. Medicare will cover this expense too.

My mother had an ingrown toenail and had a pretty traumatic treatment for it. after that every time I took her to get her nails trimmed that is all she could talk about. The dr and I both kept telling her it wouldn’t happen again but it really stuck with her.

I would suggest you talk to the podiatrist who treats your mom's facility and discuss what the best action would be.

Ask her memory care if they have a nurse that does foot care. Some facilities have an in-house person or someone they can call in.

Weeble: There are several mobile podiatrists in your area, which you can google. It's best for a podiatrist to handle your mother's toenails because of thickness and being overgrown. They are specialists that handle this all the time. Unkempt toenails are very common among the elderly for a variety of reasons, e.g. low vision, fungus, et al.

Make an appointment with a podiatrist. Then give her a card that she has won a senior pedicure but needs to be seen by podiatrist first to confirm her feet are healthy. When doctor is finished make a special girls trip for a pampering pedicure.

auntie will not allow anyone touching her feet.. STOP IT. THAT'S ENOUGH!! Her go to phrases.

Dremel, a little hand held one. got one at Lowes the other day. I am practicing.. On things at work. Took a shot at my dog. She lasted a couple of toes then abruptly left me. BUT now I have one of my cats in target.. Her claws catch on the rug every single step... So she would be great to practice on..
I got a 60 grit, but if you can find as I did an actual diamond bit with 120 grit, it chatters less, and is much smoother. This weekend, I think I will be good to try this on my aunt..I will see how my cat does first... :{

That was Never noticed in 6 mo? I would go right to the senior admin and bring it to their attention asap. Get her to a podiatrist and I'll bet there is also a fungal infection. My Mom; still living with me; had gargoyle nails and I took her to her pod. After a 2 hour appt that included an aggressive soak; not to mention a shouting match with me & the doc; he was able to remove 3 nails right there and cut them dow with a clipper that looked like one used to trim tiger nails. Had to soak her feet 2X/week for 20 min for 4 weeks. Had a pres for an anti-fungal ointment and she had to wear socks for 3 hours after w/ointment. If you can't do it, the nurses will have to but I suggest you follow up with a weekly visit to make sure they are doing it. At this point in the game, she can argue all she wants but she Has to get to the doctor.

Sigh. Your mother sounds very much like mine. The dementia has her always saying, "I don't need help with bathing (and adamently refuses) or help washing my hair. I can do all of that myself." Except, like your mother, she doesn't, and can't. I've come to the point (she's 97, on hospice as of 6 weeks ago due to her declining weight, etc.) and was always as stubborn as a mule, to pick my battles, which are few and far between. This situation, though, seems to be very uncomfortable for your mother, so she may permit at least one treatment to address this. How was this addressed before COVID-19 and the lockdown? You and your sister have many folks' here sympathy, and empathy, in how you are able to address this. I will be saying a prayer for you both, as well as your mother.

My mom has dementia and normally cooperates with doctors. But this past week, before her foot appointment, I gave her a dose of anxiety medication which made her drowsy during the entire appointment. The foot doctor shaved her toenails down to slow them from growing long. Every six months, we go back for more nail shaving. Note that shaving is different from just cutting them off. I’m quite astonished that your mom’s CNA didn’t notice or say something. While most of them may not be skilled in cutting toenails of diabetic patients, they should have mentioned this to a supervisor.

I am not in FL but where I live Memory Care have visiting Podiatry services. So the Podiatrist will have experience with dementia & be able to get it done.

Don't take it personally if she refuses for you! Happens all the time 😁. The NO people I call them. (My Mum is a NO person too).

I don't need to... wash/eat/change dirty pants etc...

Would you like lovely nice neat feet? Yes? Well this lovely lady/man is here to make your feet nice. If still NO... Would you like dirty sore feet? No? Well this lovely lady/man is here to stop your feet being dirty & sore.

Book the podiatrist. Good luck!

I have had to do my father’s nails during the Covid.
I bought a toe nail grinder.
It is like a Dremel tool.
It has file you can remove.
I sit him out on a bench. Wear a mask and sit on the ground and go to work. Play her favorite song.
It may tickle.
I tried nail clippers and accidentally cut his skin. Yikes!
This just files them down. You can adjust the speed.

Doesn’t the facility have a podiatrist or one come to the facility? Who cuts LO toenails when they are in a facility or nursing home? What happens if the LO refuses to have her toenails cut?

My 96 year old mother lives alone and waits and waits and waits too long to go to the podiatrist and has to go by ambulance to the ER because her toenail was overgrown and was infected. They fixed her back up again and now 6 more months have gone by and she still won’t let me or anyone else take her to the podiatrist.

Unless you strap them to the bed and cut their nails against their will, there is NOTHING you can do. Your mom will suffer the consequences if she keeps saying NO. She’ll end up in the ER like my mom did.

My 96 year old mother has severe mental illness and makes bad choices but yet she is competent. She self neglects bathing and shampooing and won’t let me do it either. She refuses to go to the podiatrist. A podiatrist couldn’t come to her home because she is a hoarder. You can’t help someone who won’t help themselves. You can’t help someone who refuses help.