My mother moved in with us 3 years ago, but is a hoarder and has a hard time getting around. Any advice? - AgingCare.com

My mother moved in with us 3 years ago, but is a hoarder and has a hard time getting around. Any advice?

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My mother moved in with us 3 years ago. She is a hoarder and has a hard time getting around. She has recently been falling and she cannot see that she cannot stay alone anymore. I work full time as does my husband. She cannot afford assisted living but she is a danger to herself. She leaves the stove on and oven on at times. She is only 69. When she moved in here I told her I couldnt be a full time caregiver to her, my daughter is in college and I have one in high school. She hasnt made me or my sister POA when the doctors have told her over and over that she needed to. Not sure what options I have or she would have, but something has got to change. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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She's hoarding YOUR house?? That's just not acceptable, whatever the state of mind. Especially if she is still cooking and such--you have a disaster just waiting for you. Brother only recently unplugged mom's stove and told her he was "waiting on a part" since she would put a kettle on and walk away....

I'd follow the other poster's advice. Have her evaluated and see what kind of state she's really in. You need fresh eyes on the problem. She might not be able to live with you any longer if she is left alone for long periods.

And yes, you do need her to agree to SOMEBODY looking over her "affairs".
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Between the hoarding and leaving the stove/oven on, I'm wondering if your mom has some level of dementia. I'd get her a full physical that includes a mental assessment. It may be that she can't make the kinds of decisions she needs to keep herself safe. What are her physical ailments? Does she have diabetes by chance? Get her a good medical check-up so that you know what you're working with. She needs to live in a facility and not take over your life. She could get Medicaid to help her afford a facility.
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Start out by getting a "needs assessment". You can ask her doctor how to get one done or you can call your local Area Agency on Aging. AAA can also advise on what local resources are available.
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Get the POA done. Tell mom she can choose a POA or if an emergency happens and she doesn't have it in place the state will assign a guardian she becomes a ward of the state. Which would she prefer?

Or you can get an attorney paid for by mom to assign you guardian.
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Dear tigergirl215,

I'm very sorry to hear what you are going through. Have you had your mom's doctor review her meds? I wonder if the side effects of the meds is also affecting her behaviour.

Safety is a major concern. My other suggestion would be talking to a social worker and see what options are available in the community. If your mom cannot be alone hopefully the social worker can help you find some alternate care arrangements.
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