She lost her husband to cancer and is disabled by arthritis. Help?! After my father passed away from colon cancer my mother naturally became depressed. She started neglecting her health and eventually had a stroke. Her depression from losing her husband of fifty years was just too much and she didn't try very hard to rehabilitate herself. She also found out she had Lupus and it was the type that causes debilitating arthritis. I had moved back to my home state/town after 20 years to help my mother wth my dad before he passed. I had begun working so I decided to stay instead of moving back to Florida. Anyway, her health wasn't getting any better she just sat on the couch all day.. Arthritis has disabled her right hand and left foot . She can not walk.. She is German and prideful and would not reach out for help until she needed someone to live wth her.. She asked me and the agreement was for a year and for her to really try to rehab herself . Well, she just became dependent on me more and more no matter what I tried or suggested. She had given up the will to live or have a life . And granted we never had the best relationship so I knew this was a risk for me because all my life I could never do anything right in her eyes. Well, it has been two years now and she has just become more miserable . She doesn't want to go to a home and I dnt blame her .. But the last year has been hell on me . I finally had to hire some help so I could have a couple days for myself . The days that I am there are just brutal . She is constantly questioning what I am doing and why. And why didn't I do it like she thinks. I am 50 years old and feel like I'm in high school. She has become paranoid from being immobile and being able to lift her head a lot because of the lupus.. Home health comes twice a week and they have tried and suggested to the point they have given up on her too.. But I'm the only one she is condescending to. She acts at times like I owe her this and she never says thank you or that she appreciates me.. As a matter of fact she has never told me she loves me but I believe in turning your cheek so to speak or trying to. What ever I suggest to her to help her or just engage her she says I'm griping at her. I am married and my spouse has been wonderful for these two years but at what point do I say enough is enough .. We are newly weds and barely got the time off to get married. My mother never even said congrats. I love her and it's sad to see her give up. Granted , I can't begin to imagine what it's like losing a mate after so long. However, I am doing my best ..'I dnt sit down all day and yet I can't do anything right ..'she is very cynical towards me and it's not fair. She has her mind completely. I just do not know how to not get upset at her and make her understand that I'm not an emotional punching bag.