First let me say that yes, my 84 year-old mother is ill. I realize that. She has, for 18 months or so, become extremely manipulative, attention-seeking, faking illnesses and disabilities for attention. The first time occurred during a short-term skilled nursing facility stay after a hospital admission for an illness. Of course she received a lot of attention when she first arrived because of assessments and so forth. She has put on an act to get back to facilities ever since and stay until Medicare coverage runs out. Once she was even discharged basically for refusing to comply with therapy or any part of her treatment, claiming she can't do anything on her own even though staff knew better.
After a few days, she started soiling herself. She refused to get out of bed to go to the dining room so that staff would bring meals to her. She refused to walk or make any progress whatsoever in physical therapy, even though she was told by staff that she was not putting forth the effort needed to improve. Of course she became angry, claiming "They're mean to me!" She claimed an in-home caregiver, a family friend is "Mean." It is because the caregiver will not wait on her all day. She actually laid in bed one day until 1 p.m., expecting the caregiver to come on her day off, clean mom's soiled bed and butt and feed her. Mom said, "That's her job."
The next facility visit occurred after an alleged fall. She had several falls, all of which occurred when no one else saw her. In one incident my sister rushed over after a call from mom, claiming she fell getting something out of the closet. Yet she had her cell in-hand and the closet door was closed. She refused to answer how she fell if the closet wasn't even opened.
At the same facility she again refused to go to the bathroom. I was there when a nurse asked, "Do you not feel when you have to go?" Mom replied, after the 2nd time pooping on herself, "Well, I just thought it would be better on you all if I just went in the bed." She also stated to me that "I am about the worst one here," meaning the sickest.
She is at a different skilled nursing facility, this time after being in the hospital for UTI, likely secondary to her diabetes. She falsely stated that she has not been able to walk for 2 years, after refusing to comply with physical therapy again. She has on the same shirt she had on 2 days ago because she lied, saying she has no clothes. Why staff did not look in the dresser where she has many clothes, I have no idea. No, mom did not forget they are there.
She has her mind made up she is staying there. Dad has survived 3 heart attacks. You cannot get him to realize that he will lose everything due to Mom's manipulation if Medicaid steps in. They do not have nursing home money. Mom refuses to listen to anything, says very nonchalantly, "Oh well, Medicare will pay for it," even though we told her Medicare does Not pay for nursing home care and that dad pays a lot just for the skilled nursing!
She is not depressed. She is manipulative and lazy, refusing to do anything but lay in bed and have people wait on her ever since that 1st facility stay. While that sounds harsh, it is the truth. Last visit, she refused to walk in physical therapy but an aide walked in the room, discovered that Mom got out of bed, walked all the way across the room and back to bed on her own, to where one of her enablers left candy and cookies, knowing she is diabetic. She had a cookie in one hand, candy in the other. There were no visitors, so no other possible way she got it.
I am a former adult protective service worker, so have lots experience dealing with sick, disabled, manipulative, neglected, abused seniors. Yet, I am at a loss for how to stop her from ruining my dad financially just so she can get attention, even though she was never lacking for attention.
What are your experiences with this? Thanks!