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My mom is 93, still lives in her condo apartment and is in relatively good health, except for arthritis aches and pains. She is legally blind and uses a walker but is quite independent and social.

I've always been her main "go to" person for grocery shopping, appointments, etc. My brother does help out occasionally. I am self-employed and I have VERY few days off each year. When I do go on vacation, it's only for two or three days at a time. Almost every time I start preparing to go away, mom starts to angst. She makes up fictitious ailments, tells me she's not feeling well, tells me she will feel alone. Meanwhile, as I said, she lives in a condo building. There are people around her all the time. The residents look out for each other AND she has more of a social life than I do, playing cards every night, going out to lunch with friends, going to church activities, etc. My brother and my husband are available to her when I'm away if she has any emergencies.

I try to not let her neediness get to me, but It's hard. Truth be told, I need a break from her, too, because she's a very impatient woman and treats me like a servant.

Just thought I'd have a little vent. Thanks for listening!

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I've not been on a real vacation in years. In fact, the last vacation I had was with my mom when she could walk around easily. Every holiday, it is expected that I will be at her condo (I live a 3+ hour drive away). If I dare to take off a day, she quizzes me on what I did during the day off - like did I do my "chores" or make good use of the day. It's very obvious that she thinks I do not need a vacation, as she's told me all I do is push some buttons at work (I'm a business analyst - always super busy resolving problems or researching). It's gotten to the point that I tell her I only get a few days vacation, and take days off on the sly. I usually stick close to home because if I do go away, just my luck I'll be in an accident. Once I did say, what if I had plans for this holiday? Response: what were you gonna do so big?? Yeah, it's easier if I just take my days off in silence.
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I think we all have to understand something here. She relies on you a lot more than you perhaps realise and she is fearful (unfounded) that you wont come back or that there will be some sort of accident.

Now I KNOW I am going to have a serious problem next time I want a holiday given that Islamic State has claimed responsibility for the massacre of 30 Brits in Tunisia. Mother has already said now you know why I dont want you to go on holiday abroad...why can't you go locally then I could go with you and we could both have a break... erm thinks me how is that a break for me!!! Bless her

I deal with it this way (and only because the doctor in charge of her dementia did it for me the first time) Your daughter he said looks after your needs all the time she is there for you whenever you need her and she has to be able to have some time when she is not responsible for you or she will become ill. So you have to be very sensible and let her have a holiday. That way she will come back refreshed with lots to tell you and I am sure she will take some photos so you can see how much she relaxed on that little break . It's good for you too because you need to keep your independence as much as you can.

I do have to say it quite a lot - mum forgets (or chooses to forget) youwill have to put up with her telling everyone how you are leaving her alone yada yada but stay strong and go
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Cat, this behavior sounds a lot like my MIL...she would invent ailments every time we planned a trip.She hates travel and thinks everyone should stay home to serve her. Travel was one of my few pleasures in life. She is happy now that we have not been able to travel because of my own Mom. My husband and I used to love to travel, but because of my own Mom's declining health too, it went from little to none as she is now bedridden in my home and I deal with this 24/7. This depresses me not being able to go places and visit family and friends. I have been needing a real one week vacation in a nice place for 6 years now and things just got more and more entrapping where now I cannot go more than a couple miles from home. The last time I attempted to take a trip to visit a lifelong friend for 3 days 2 years ago, I got the "what if the power goes out?" squelch and various other reasons I should not go. I just gave up and didn't go. If you can at all have someone to look in on her, etc. please try to get a trip in, otherwise you could end up like me not able to go anywhere for years and years.
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Helping your mom as much as you do, you deserve to go on a vacation any time you'd like. As you said, your mom has more of a social life than you do. You deserve some time to yourself when you're not on call to fulfill your mom's needs.
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Cat, I think this is just a parent being concern for her child, my gosh, what if you get lost or get hurt type of thing. It doesn't matter if you are 5 years old, 35, or 65.
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