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Then you really need her checked for a UTI asap, if she doesn't have breathing problems she may have an underlying UTI that can cause everything you have describe. She can have one and not have a fever or smelly pee or any side effects that show my mom never did she just had them. No one ever wanted to test her for one because she didn't show symptoms. One was so bad it was septic and she was pulling IV's out of her arms. They didn't know what to test for and I begged them to test for a UTI when they finally did it was one and she was on an IV for 2 weeks and they didn't know if she was even going to make it. They are very scary if let go to long.
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what is more important: mom who seems to have been abandoned (for obvious reasons) by the rest of the family. Or your child. Your first priority is your child. Period. You can feel all the guilt you want, but it is misplaced angst. You can feel sorry, but you have no choice in the matter. You may well have to wait for a fall to have her taken care of permanently: just getting violent and calling the cops may not work as she may be sneaky enough to be sweetie pie when they show.
Again, your child is your first priority.
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My Mama fell and broke her pelvis in 2 places. Went to the E.R. then trauma I.c.u. then too a skilled nursing unit in rest home. She went a little crazy in there because she has dementia but they found out she had a bad u.t.i. and that made her absolutely crazy. Yesterday she went to a mental health hospital for elderly. Already in 2 days They have gotten her off of Alot of medications and she seems way better. It could be so many things wrung with her that a hospital would be the best thing. Next time call 911. I did and its getting better now.
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You need an intervention. I agree, next time call 911 and have the EMS take her to the nearest emergency room. She needs to be admitted to a geriatric psych unit. They can get her on the right medications to control rage and behaviors. I recommend an assisted living who can handle her behaviors. if you can't afford an assisted living, then a nursing home who can provide services to meet her needs.
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Guilt?

Forget about guilt completely.

This is no time for useless sentiment. You need to think, act, pull up your big girl panties and do the right thing for everyone in the house.

Your mom needs to be seen by specialists who can help her and get her placed where she can receive the right meds and care. Talk to the police and the EMT, and her doctor!  Make a plan. The next time she has one of her screaming fits, dial 911 and get her to the hospital, as advised above. Don't wait for her to fall.

Once you do this, you will wonder what you were waiting for.

Good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I'll leave the nitty-gritty advice to the others. From an emotional standpoint, you and daughter need a residential separation from mom -- however that happens -- because you need to get your daughter out of that environment.

At age 14, daughter is still imprinting. Her home life is her primary influence regarding respect, self-esteem, boundaries and teamwork.

Daughter has already seen and heard too much abuse that's tolerated in the name of love and relationship status. Even if you tell daughter every day that she's awesome and grandma has no business treating her or you like that (and you probably do!), where does daughter lay her head down every nite to go to sleep? Where does daughter wake up every morning? What does she come home to every day after school?

I'm not picking on you. Your plate is full, indeed. But in the face of all acute drama, it's easy to lose sight of how these warped life-lessons are molding your daughter. If she is mature-beyond-her-years and functions as your sidekick, there's probably some "parentification" happening, too. Google it.

Daughter is living the perfect recipe to grow up and take emotional, physical or financial abuse from a man. I'm sure you don't want that for her.
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I am at the other end of your situation. Mom continued to be so resistant that her health suffered considerably. When it became life-threatening such that I could not manage to keep her from imminent death (if you refuse to take liquids, you die in three days), I called EMS and that began the Hospital to Rehabilitation to Placement scenario. It will be crystal clear to a hospital or rehab social worker that you cannot manage her and you will receive a lot of help finding a placement. Regarding guilt: there is another kind of guilt to think of to balance this: your daughter's childhood and teenage years. I partially sacrificed my attention to my daughter while taking care of Mom for years starting about the time she was fourteen. It took two years of weekly psychologist meetings to handle her anger toward me for abandoning her for the benefit of my mother. It took another three years for her to come to understand how her flawed mother was torn between work to support us all, taking care of Mom, and then giving her the dregs of my being. Don't let this go on any longer for your daughter. You will live with this guilt far longer and more palpably than any guilt about placing your Mom in an appropriate healthcare facility.
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Mtrx, this is so hard, and you've gotten great replies. If no one else has offered this up, now is a good time for you to get a counselor or join a support group for the day-to-day coping. You deserve to be plugged in with people somewhere as you take these challenging steps! Good luck - you can do this.
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I'm in florida, but I did use the baker act approach when my mom's dementia got out of control and she became very violent and confused all the time. I agree with others, call 911 or take her to ER. Explain she's having a mental breakdown and you can't handle it anymore. Then once they admit her to the hospital, ask immediately to see the social worker and make plans for her to NOT go back home. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Patients at this level need care way beyond what you can provide.
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I agree with with above. Your Mom needs to be evaluated. I think you have enough on your plate without this. If you get her evaluated explain that u can't have her living with you. They may be able to place her until she stabilizes. There is a problem here.
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MTRX2010, you've gotten some good answers so far. In addition to the things others have mentioned, your mother could have dementia. Those symptoms are entirely consistent with that condition. But we sure can't diagnose her from this forum! We can say that your mother is seriously, seriously ill. She needs medical attention. But she refuses it! What can you do?

If she is likely to harm herself or others -- pulling your hair?! -- in most states she can be involuntarily committed to a psychiatric ward or special facility for up to 72 hours, during which time she will be evaluated (as much as can be done without her cooperation), diagnosed, and a treatment plan created.

How can you initiate this 3-day commitment? The next time she is "mad" and threatening you, call 911, say your mother is having some kind of mental health episode and you are afraid she is going to harm you or your daughter. You need to have her removed from the house.

Another approach would be to call APS and explain that you have been trying to take care of your mother and she now needs more care than you can handle. You are moving out, with your teenage daughter. You love your mother, you don't want to leave her alone, but she refuses to allow you to arrange for help.

As to the guilt ... there is no way to avoid that. If things continue until mother descends into madness, you'll feel guilty that you weren't able to prevent that and help her and you'll feel guilty that you've exposed your daughter to this. If you take steps to get her help, even if that means she is evaluated against her will, you will feel guilty about that. In your situation I doubt you can totally avoid feeling guilty. (FEELING guilty -- not really being guilty!) Push those guilt feeling to the back of the mind, and don't let them make any decisions!

Has anyone on this forum used the Baker Act approach in Texas? Called APS? What was that like?
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wow. that's crazy. well no she doesn't have COPD or emphasyma or anything like that. doesn't complain about breathing problems. she quit smoking over 10YEARS ago, and she quit drinking about 10YEARS ago too. so she doesn't drink, smoke, or require oxygen. i know she recently got diagnosed with some borderline highblood pressure. she's also diabetic, neurophathy, arthritis, spinal stenosis, and a few other elderly conditions like that. -but i haven't heard anything about her breathing, and the doctor's haven't found anything to do with her breathing, or anything like that. o_O
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I have been where your at several times you she needs immediate medical attention, my mother lashed out at my child but you need to keep calm and tell yourself something is wrong. My mom sometimes would have a UTI and high Co2 and see people and curse and not know where she was. She would fall and act crazy and we would have to call 911 and find out her Co2 was 125+ and she had a border line UTI sometimes all those things would happen and she would have one or the other but the key is fast treatment because it's not your mom it's her body reacting. My mom was in a care facility when she once came down with both, trust me a care facility won't notice till she becomes lethargic then they will do something. But that also comes with both being lethargic can be a huge sign plus lack of eating and drinking there are so many signs and it looks like you are seeing them all. Get help ASAP I beg you I have seen all this too many times so has my child. My mom just recently passed away from complications of being a C02 retainer.
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The reason I ask if she does she probably is a Co2 retainer and needs immediate care C02 retainers have 2 mind sets, alcoholic and 5 year old they have no in-between once it gets bad enough. Also she could have an untreated UTI that causes rage/delusions/falls/outbursts of swearing/seeming like they are drunk ext. You could have one or the other or both on your hands get your mom to the doctor ASAP and have her blood gas levels tested and have her tested for a UTI it could go septic if you let it go any longer.
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Does she has COPD by any chance ?
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wow. that sounds serious. i've always thought my mother needed to be in a mental institute to get help. she has always refused to see a physiologist or even a councilor. she promised me a year ago she would get help if i didn't leave so i stayed, then she refused to go. There's a zero level of cooperation. Almost seems like there's 2 people there. One refuses to carry out the plans the other makes, and sometimes can't even recall plans and conversations. some dating as far back between a week and 3MONTHS. she's forgetting important things from many periods of time, especially when it comes to making plans or agreements. So when it comes to fullfill a plan or something, she thinks things are happening all of a sudden, and gets angry at me, even though we've been planning them for months.

I don't want to do this, but i got my bag ready with my wallet, and all that. when she gets crazy again i'll make a video for the medical staff to see, and if she falls down, i'll dial 911 to come get her.
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MTRX2010, you will get over the guilt. Read your last line, that she has put you in an "impossible" situation. I had to place my dad about 6 weeks ago into a dementia care facility (assisted living). It was horrible leading up to the "big day" and of course for a while afterward. But now I rest easy knowing that I had no other choice. None. Good luck to you. I had POA paperwork in hand, unfortunately we had to trick my father into the facility as he would not go willingly. Luckily he does not remember how he arrived there, he believes three men "ambushed" him and took him there. I am a 5 ft. tall woman and took him on my own.
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I totally understand!!! Your mother will be angry with you. Think about it though - she obviously cannot care for herself, so you, as her loving daughter - have to see that she gets the care she needs. Even if she doesn't want it.

I had a friend who's grandmother was acting out so much and getting violent and her parents did the 911 route to get her checked in to geriatric psych unit. Horrible guilt, but grandma was helped significantly - it probably saved her life. The doctor said it was like having a drug addict that you had placed for treatment - you know it is needed, you do it, even though the addict denies need and is angry at you.

remind yourself - you are doing the best for your mom.

The other important thing - you do need to protect your child!!! If your mom is getting out of control and yelling at your child - that cannot continue. Get mom the help she needs!!
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what about the guilt?? i feel bad about even thinking about it. 8(
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Next time she falls or gets violent - call 911 - have her taken to ER and explain to social worker her symptoms and that you can no longer take care of her in your home. The doctors and social workers will work to get her placed. She obviously needs medication, medication management, and 24/7 staff that can address her needs. This is way more than you are trained or can be expected to do. You will help her by helping her get the care she needs.
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