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Sisters are no help. One suggested I take depression medication. I have done this 3 years with no vacation. I am trapped.

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Hi Bigguy, I'm in the same situation as you. My dad (90) lives in an independent living facility. He had an aide that came during the day, but he was calling me multiple times a week at night, the minute I walked in the door from work, and wanted to spend hours on the phone with me. I have two sisters that don't help at all with his care, and most of his care-giving falls on my shoulders. I finally hired an aide that comes every night from 5-7. So far it has worked out really well. She makes him dinner and keeps him company, which gives me a little time to myself after work. She even does a little exercise with him. I know that when he is lonely and bored he calls me all the time, or wants me to come over. I suggest hiring an aide, even if its just a couple of nights a week. They will keep your mom company and help out and give you a break. Like some others have suggested, also look into volunteers or call your local agency for seniors to see if they have any free or discounted assistance. I totally understand what you are going through! Get some help as soon as possible so you can have a little time to yourself!
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Who spends the other three nights with mom?
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As the widow of a WW2 veteran is your mother not entitled to help from the VA?

I am sorry for how trapped you feel in this situation; but without wanting to sound unsympathetic the main problem I see is not your happiness but the sustainability and security of your mother's living arrangements. You are not able to provide her with the range of care she needs, and besides nobody can afford to depend on one lone other person - what if something happens to you?

What I'm saying is that your sisters need to wake up to your *mother's* wellbeing, even if they are prepared to be cavalier and callous towards you. They'll be looking smug on the other side of their faces if - God forbid - you break down and they're left fighting like cats in a sack over who they can dump their mother on next.

Other forum members are brilliantly helpful on veterans' benefits and care funding, so I hope they'll be able to advise you where to turn.
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See if you can do a "Kings and Queens". In the show, the father of the daughter, Arthur, was in a similar situation as your mom (even though he stayed with his daughter, Carrie and her husband, Doug). The solution was that Carrie, hired Holly a dog walker, to walk Arthur along with the dogs on her route. Arthur got out of the house and got fresh air as well as companionship and conversation, a win win for all.
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If your mom needs primarily companionship and a little assistance, many states have "senior companion" programs. To quote from one in our state, "A Senior Companion Program Client can look forward to companionship: taking walks with your Senior Companion, reading, letter writing, reminiscing, and making a new friend. You may share information about healthful living and activities of daily life or go shopping together. Perhaps one of their most important things to look forward to is less loneliness and isolation, which can threaten your independence and health. Senior Companions may also provide respite services for family caregivers." Senior companions are 55 and older, must meet certain income restrictions, and receive a small stipend for their work. They can help with meals, transportation to medical appointments, but not hands on physical care for their clients. I'm not sure of the hours involved, but it's at least several hours a week.
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She's just lonely and doesn't need your assistance? And you are depressed about spending so much of your time with her? Why exactly are you trapped? Counseling and medication would probably help you. But why don't you just change what you're doing and substitute spending all that time with her with something you want to do, even if it's just tv by yourself at your place? In your brief post I don't understand why you seem to keep doing what you're doing when it seems like you have other choices. If you don't understand either, try counseling.
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Even a quick trip away is quite beneficial and will help you be a better caregiver. Prioritize giving yourself a break. This could eliminate your feeling of being “trapped.”

I was in your situation. I have a very large (and once close) family who collectively did very little to help during my many years of caregiving. I found this both shocking and surprising. A number of family members even lived locally.

I took several trips that were extremely rejuvenating.

In the beginning, one sibling offered and came to stay once, but declined to help again. Another made a promise to come and help but cancelled at the last minute.

I knew I desperately needed a break for my own (and my family’s) well being.

I hired replacement help. (Expect, however, significant criticism from your siblings, “he is SO rich he can vacation instead of taking care of Mom.” Even if you use your own personal money to pay for her care In your absence, the perception may be that you are somehow reducing their future inheritance.

I recommend you also read through this forum -see threads about siblings encouraged to take action (when caregiver sibling is burnt out or requesting relief or assistance). It’s good to be aware of this mindset. It would have been horrifying for me to have returned from a break to find my parent moved (against their will) without notice to me.

When I hired a caregiver, my parents were better than fine when I returned. They received excellent care in my absence. They were happy! They were thrilled to see me, and I was overjoyed to be back.
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Call your local Area Agency on Aging and tell them you need help. You cannot continue to be your mother’s only company. Get a home health aid in for help and visits. If you or she goes to church, see if there’s a group of people who might do home visits. Contact local Senior Citizen centers for the same reason. And, there are also Adult Daycares. You can explore facilities for her; depending on her needs, Assisted Living, Independent Living or Skilled Nursing. If your mother is not able to manage on her own, this might not be a bad idea anyway. Your mother probably feels she doesn’t have to make any effort because she has you. If your mother is clear of mind, explain to her that you will be doing other things “for a while” and won’t be around as much. You need to decide to take that first step.
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