All the basics are taken care of - some personal care, all shopping, big laundry and flat cleaning done, meals delivered, carers in once a day in the evening and all bills and financial affairs are taken care of, but she spends so much time alone - family all live at a distance so she has visits just once a week but twice daily phones calls at least one of which is a long chat. It would not be possible for her to move in with family, and a care home would be the next option. She has had a couple of falls maybe due to TIAs but nothing serious - as of yet. She lives in a development with a call system to emergency services and with other people always around, but because of Covid, all social activities, coffee mornings in lounge etc. have stopped. She is becoming more and more anxious about everything. Is it time to insist on other arrangements? POA is organised.

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The loneliness and isolation is the worst part of her "independence". I have had the discussion with senior relatives of mine that if they moved to a care community (IL, AL) close to their LOs and caregivers, they'd have more visits, they'd be in a community of like-people with similar interests, there'd be activities and field trips, and people watching out for them. I know this is a mental leap because of what the move "means" (you check in but you don't check out). Understandable. But make the case that if they transition now they will be more in control of decisions, rather than waiting for a disaster where others will make decisions for them. I picked out a few facilities and made my own appointment, taking my own photos to show them (so no glossy fakey brochure with models, just the real deal). They'll see how nice it is. Maybe video an event (sing-along, crafts, social area). Reasoning with her is as much as you can do. I wish you success in helper her see the wisdom in this.
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Reply to Geaton777
HilaryHilary Oct 1, 2020
Thank you for this helpful answer. I will look at facilities near family members, do some homework and introduce the subject with real information as you suggest - to get the ball rolling in the right direction.
Basically I was lucky. Once my brother, who had been suffering from poor balance for some time, was diagnosed he wanted to move to ALF for safety, and asked me to take over as POA and Trustee for him. He was all about safety and order and knew the long slow slide that was coming. Even worried what about me his younger Sister dying; was his niece my daughter willing to second for me. So I was very very lucky in this.
I think you know that the falls will eventually lead to broken bones, rehab, and etc and perhaps it will have to come to this. Better would be if this could be done now and so my question is "Have you talked to MOM" about moving now, before it has to be done emergently. Would she explore ALF with you with an organization such as A Place for Mom to decide where she might like to move. This is the time for honesty. If she won't, well, it will come soon enough and clearly you are ready for it, with your POA organized. Wishing you the best of luck and do realize that you are right where so many others are.
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Reply to AlvaDeer

Thanks mally1 - it's good to know I have company!!
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Reply to HilaryHilary

Hi! Someone else will have to answer you, because my mom is almost exactly in the same condition, except VERY forgetful now, and many helpers. You and I both are waiting with bated breath....
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Reply to mally1

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