She receives minimum care (2 meals a day) from my brother who is the POA. While she does not drive, she lives on a busy street and could easily cause an accident while getting her mail due to her severe hearing loss. I have told my brother that he can be sued and lose everything if this happens. He is willing to take that chance because he is not emotionally ready to place her in a memory care unit. Can anyone give examples of this, or give me advice on how I might convince this stubborn person to change his mind? Thanks.
She can't be left alone. Never mind his being prosecuted - actually, rather than sued - and losing everything, how's he going to feel about seeing her killed or injured, or other people's families killed or injured because of his wilful neglect of her needs? Is he willing to take a chance on that?
Yet another story in today's paper about one man killed and another injured because of a confused driver who was later found to have Alzheimer's. Happens all the dam' time, and every dam' time there's someone in the background wringing their hands and saying "oh but what could we do..?"
God forbid any harm comes to your mother, and I hope your brother gets the help he needs to understand and accept the right choice.
Unfortunately I have contacted the local Senior Protective Services and have been told that as long as he is providing some care, there is nothing they can do but wait for her to suffer some kind of injury because she is alone most of the time. My brother seems to think that those unfortunate accidents won't happen. However, if something did happen and he was forced to place her in the memory care unit, it would not have been his decision! So I think in some ways, he is hoping something small will happen. He was also taking care of my father who fell and sustained injuries to his already bad back. My father is now in a memory care unit. My mother could be in the same facility.
Even though I don't think it will make much difference, I would like to find severe examples of what does happen to share with him, hopefully to shock him into making the decision. And we have asked him MANY times how he would feel if something terrible happened to her or someone else because of her. He either does not respond, or just says that won't happen.
Thanks again.
You could call the Area Agency on Aging and ask for a needs assessment. The assessment might make you feel better about her current condition or give you ammunition.
I make sure I check ADLs often. Activities of Daily Living. Look these up if you aren’t familiar and rate your mom on where she is on these.
Does she have a medialert?
You could ask her doctor to order Home Health for her. While these are initially strangers, she will come to enjoy their visits. They can help monitor her health and advise when they feel she isn’t safe at home. Get her therapy to stay strong. Get her a bath aide.
Has your mom been officially declared incompetent? You could threaten your brother with APS. But if she is living a fairly decent life I don’t think they will do anything.
Why does your brother resist? Is he in denial or is he trying to save an inheritance?
Or maybe he feels she doesn’t need it. Not everyone with Lewy bodies is in memory care.
Perhaps he has a plan to bring in help when he feels it is necessary. It’s not easy being a POA. You have to make the money last and manage the help. Isolation isn’t healthy either. I’m not taking up for your brother. Just suggesting things to consider.
You could read “Being Mortal” by Atul Gawande. It might shift your views just a little and you will learn a great deal about Aging and what’s important.
Read all you can about Lewy bodies. I’m pretty sure it requires a care taker. Use the search on this site and look up Jeanne Gibbs. Her husband had Lewy bodies and she was his caretaker at home until he died. As you do your research you might find the information you need to help your brother and not be at odds with him.
Have you visited memory care facilities?
I am not ready to try to attain guardianship at this time due to all of the legal and emotional battles.
I have called the Senior Protective Services and have been told that as long as he is providing minimum care there is nothing they can do until she gets hurt.
My brother truly feels that he is doing the right thing (no money/inheritance issues). I don't feel that he can apply the "tough love" needed to place her in a nursing home. My father was placed in an excellent local memory care unit last spring (doctor's orders) and is doing well. We have completed the paper work to admit her into the same facility, but my brother will not sign the papers. When she is there to visit she tells my brother not to put her in a place like that.
According to her neurologist, her family doctor and more than one health care nurse who cared for my father, she is incompetent and should be placed in a memory care unit. And he will NOT live with her or have her live with him. Caregivers have been sent to her house through a Senior's Helping Seniors program. She is scared of strangers and got so angry when they came that they had to quit coming.
We do have a LifeAlert system in place that we had for my Dad. She would forget to wear a bracelet, but the system is still engaged to report any fires to the fire department.
I have read many articles about her condition, but I will check the ADL list. I am sure she would not pass much on any list of that nature. It may be something I could pass along to my brother, but his head is stuck pretty far into the sand. He says that he does not want things with her to change (meaning he does not want his life to change) and that he is waiting for the "big event" to occur. In other words he is waiting for it to be another person's decision to place her in the memory care unit! Thanks again!
Move the mail box. You can fill out a form from the Post Office to have the mail brought to her door.