I have court appointed TEMPORARY guardianship (due to dementia and have doctors affidavit that she needs care for her activities of daily living) and go to court next month for hopefully permanent guardianship. I have also paid for a surety bond per directions of the court. Bank will only allow me to put a flag on her accounts until permanent guardianship is approved.

Mom had to be considered incompetent for u to get guardian. This means she no longer handle her finances. You need to take the ability away. Show the bank ur papers and tell them only u have access to her accts. Take her check book away.
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Reply to JoAnn29

The only way to stop this is to take away her access to the money. Give her a small allowance. If your brother keeps bugging her for money tell him you are going to speak with an attorney about extortion.
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Reply to Ahmijoy

When I gained guardianship of my father and placed him in MC, I completely took over Dad's finances and pulled his access to any of my parents funds. With the court's approval, I provided a small weekly allowance in cash ($75) Dad could give to my estranged brother to spend on his various requests for outside purchases (mostly take out meals) and authorized purchases from the MC's in house "store" to be included on the monthly bill. I purchased most consumables Dad needed like shaving soap, shampoo, lotions, toilet paper (he wanted a particular brand), mouth rinse, clothing, etc. and delivered during my weekly visit when I also took an "inventory" to decide what I needed to bring next week.

Dad was very angry when he first entered the MC and lost access to his money, but he actually adjusted in just a few weeks. Then we went through a time where he was concerned the money would run out and he would have to leave the MC. After I assured him there were enough funds for him to live there at least a decade, I only heard about his money again when he wanted to buy some collectible and couldn't.

As guardian, you are responsible for how ALL your mother's money is spent. If the court (in it's annual review) doesn't approve the money your mother is giving to your brother, you can be liable for those funds and lose guardianship. I encourage you to pull your mother's direct access to funds and strongly consider reporting your brother to APS to avoid that outcome. The court may overlook problems during the period of guardianship transition but you need to have responded and solved the problem when it came to your attention.
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Reply to TNtechie
plum9195 Jul 18, 2019
Agree - call Adult Protective Services and report this so that you are covered and it cannot come back on you that you and your brother were working together to cheat Mom out of her money. This WILL not look good for you if you allow it to continue, even if the bank is ignoring you, make certain it is in writing to the bank and also document calling APS - protect yourself and also do what you are supposed to be doing which is protect your Mom.
Thanks for the replies. I have court appointed TEMPORARY guardianship (due to dementia and have doctors affidavit that she needs care for her activities of daily living) and go to court next month for hopefully permanent guardianship. I have also paid for a surety bond per directions of the court. Bank will only allow me to put a flag on her accounts until permanent guardianship is approved. Brother retired (with limited income) and moved in with her. Mom continues to give him money (several thousand per month) using debit card. I plan on cancelling debit card and taking her checks. My relationship with my brother has hit a roadblock because of this and there is no more discussion, just angry words leading close to physical confrontation. Moms hearing is about gone but she sees the reactions of us two and it is also stressing her out. I plan on having a intervention between him and me with my attorney about my responsibilities as guardian and he must move out ASAP. I hope this is all resolved by the hearing date with the courts.
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Reply to mick97
Shell38314 Jul 16, 2019
It is good that you have a plan in place and know what steps you need to take!
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Ditto what Ahmijoy posted. As guardian I believe you have full legal authority so cut off her access to the money. Not sure about extortion but for sure elder abuse.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to Geaton777

You wouldn't have guardianship if your mother were competent to manage her own money. Therefore she isn't able to do it, and you are responsible for managing it for her. Why are you leaving her money where unscrupulous people can get their sticky mitts on it?

Did your mother contest your guardianship application? Is there any friction between you and her about it?
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Reply to Countrymouse

My mother was giving my brother money as well, however, I live with her and because of my brother stealing from her and myself, I a band him from the house. Plus, I had to change her account from the Credit Union to a bank due to bankruptcy (keep my brother out of her acct). This may sound controlling, but I just made it impossible for my brother and my mother to be alone together because I knew he would get money from her and at the end, I would be the one to pay the price! I (being her POA) will be the one that will have to explain where her money went when we apply for Medicaid and if she gets denied, which she probably will then I will be the one who will end up being her caregiver until the end of her life. Therefore, I had to take control of her money because I know I will not be able to take care of her properly as the disease progresses.

If you have guardianship then you have legal right to intervene and the responsibly to protect your mom's well being and that includes her finances.

Good luck, you will need it!
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to Shell38314

Because there are people who use the terms as though they are interchangeable I have to ask, do you mean a court appointed guardianship or are you referring to being POA?
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Reply to cwillie

The stories on this thread SO echo mine. PLEASE document everything and bring it to court with you next month: bring the credit card statements, the status with the bank (of only being able to flag the accounts), a written statement about the strained relationships. You need to make clear to the judge that your mother's inability to think long-term is jeopardizing her financial stability. Do you have DPOA? Request this, if you don't already have it.

The sooner you can get the judge to see the reality of the situation, the better. For us, this turned into a nightmare. Even though my mom had drawn up a trust prior to the dementia setting in, and I was stated as the successor trustee, we still ended up going back and forth with the courts for over a year and a half, and spending $70,000 of my mom's money just to get back to the same thing she had spelled out in the trust years before - that if she should lose control of her faculties, I would continue as her DPOA and become successor trustee. Between my brother and a sister (who hadn't visited my mom in a decade, but popped back in to ally herself with my brother and stir the pot) they kept things chaotic and caused the judge to feel she had to prove that she was proceeding cautiously and "protecting my mother's rights", even though no one could ever validate anything they alleged (that I was controlling, seeking to profit from my mom, perhaps already had funneled some of her money to myself).

I don't advise ANYONE to get involved with the courts if they can avoid it, but you're already there, so get your attorney to convince the judge ASAP that your mom needs protection due to her own inability to protect herself.
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Reply to jordmarem
Elderchamp Jul 18, 2019
Absolutely! The courts will drain whatever the amount of the estate faster than you can imagine! The court could put in a public guardian if the family appears to be fighting and that in and of itself is another drain on the estate with the risk of huge fraud. The family will have no say and Mom will end up with no funds for her care and she will not even realize what has happened. Proceed cautiously and leave the courts out if at all possible!
You have an affidavit from the doctor your mother needs help with ADL's but have not mentioned that she has any help in place besides your brother. You also have not stated you are doing your mom's ADLs. It is well established that "free rent" is not proper payment. How is he being compensated for providing care?
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Reply to tacy022

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