My mother was like this. Didn't bathe for weeks. We tried everything-shower seats, me (the daughter) appealing to her and telling her I would set her hair and how much better she would feel, etc. After one of her hospitalizations, she qualified for Home Care along with a Home Health aide to provide hygiene. For some reason my mom listened to this woman and got in the bathtub with minimal pushback using a sliding bath seat where she scooted over into the tub. We had a hand held shower head which was great. It had to be quick or my mom would get restless to get out of there, but it worked. We had to prep the bathroom by running the hot water in there for several minutes to warm it up for her which helped as she didn't like getting cold. After that we hired an aide recommended through her county's dept of aging. We didn't have to do this very long as she had another episode that she was admitted to the hospital and unfortunately had to be placed in a NH. My point is sometimes the person will take direction from a non family member with minimal push back, and that's what happened here. Goodness knows she fought me with every excuse in the book. Go figure!
I use the incentive of an outing. I plan something for us to do, say like going out to lunch. I let him know we are going early in the day, I talk about it a bit. Then after about an hour I tell him we need to get ready to go out. I take him in his room, pull out his bathrobe and flip flops, he doesn't like to be barefoot. He will undress himself and put on his robe. I check to make sure everything is off, show him his towel, get his water going if he wants me to. I go out of the bathroom, go back and listen when I hear that he is in I will go in and make sure he has a soaped up washcloth. I go back out and take away his dirty clothes and put out all clean for him. I am fortunate that dad wears a "uniform" this makes it simple for replacing worn out clothing. To those whose parent doesn't I suggest that you keep an eye out for the same clothing or something very similar to replace a worn item a piece or two at a time. You could also sit down with your mom and a clothing catalog, look at with her to see if there is something she likes. Fill out the order form with her and order it. Make a celebration of the day it arrives, shower included to put in her new outfit. Do things like this help you ask? Yes they do and it beats the struggle. I highly recommend a website www.alzheimersreadingroom.com it has helped me immensely to deal with issues as they come up. I visit it frequently to refresh my solutions.
Shane is right. Sometimes a professional can get the job done.
My dad lived with us and got to a point where he wasn't showering. I tried everything: heating up the house, giving him nice and clean and fluffy towels, running the water so the bathroom steamed up; everything short of me getting in there with him which neither of us wanted. I called his Dr.'s office about getting a bath aide and the bath aide succeeded where everything else had failed. She was in and out like a flash and she trimmed his beard. He looked and felt like a million bucks!
I sympathise with you all. It ia almost impossible to get my mum to shower or wash her hair. Her underwear belongs in the bin too - it is torn and none to fresh but she gets irritated if I buy her new ones. I'm sorry to say I did throw hers out & replaced them. It's almost as though she doesn't feel she's worth it anymore. She adores my 12 yr old daughter and I've stooped to getting her to say : Granny I like it when your hair smells nice & clean etc... THAT works temporarily Amother thing is that she has a craving for sweet things, is piling on weight wearing torn and tight clothes all of which doesn't help. I want to be kind & thoughtful but it is very hard. M
I definitely agree that having someone other than a family member involved can help. My dad was in assisted living and was refusing to shower. He had a day time sitter. She was able to convince him to have a once a week shower scheduled with one of the male aides at the facility. Nothing I did or said worked. I was so grateful for her assistance.
I take my mom to get her hair washed only at an inexpensvie salon. Also, an occasional pedicure so her feet and legs not only get washed but massaged and moisturized.
If your parent has a very poor memory and will forget what you told them within a few hours. It usually works best if shower in the morning before the person (we'll say 'Mom') changes out of their pajamas. First, get the towels, shampoo,... ready. Second, when Mom is already on the toilet, or removing their pajamas; say "Mom, _________ (a person they would really like to see...like a friend, spouse, pastor,...) is coming see you this afternoon and I know you'd like to look good so we are going to take a quick shower before they get here. At the same time, be helping her remove her clothes. Then continue talking about how great it will be... AS YOU ARE WALKING HER into the shower! If mom tries to back out once you have her near water... , say "We are already almost done / finished! You are doing great & are being so helpful...". Keys to success: THE SHOWER: Have a 'shower chair' (buy one specifically for that purpose) in the shower. Use a shower sprayer that has a LONG flexible hose that's permanently attached to shower spout & that allows you to spray only small targeted areas & have as way to temporarily shut the water off. A bonus is to have a way to hang the 'temporarily shut off shower head' onto shower wall... so water will not spray on you or mom when you set sprayer down when you're washing her hair... Be prepared by having 2-5 towels, 2-3 washcloths, & soap in place ready to use when needed & water correct temperature. Make actual time in shower QUICK (5 minutes maximum). Simplify the shower process by using only ONE soap that can be used on both body & hair/head. Washing: 1. Wet one washcloth & give to mom & tell her to wash her own face. 2. As she is doing that, tell her you are going to get her a little wet now to check the water temperature, then you allow very little water to splash onto her arm... to check if water temperature is ok for her. Once she's ok with temperature, then do a quick (10 seconds) pre-rinse to get entire body, except face & hair, wet. 3. Take moms washcloth away & give her a dry washcloth to hold over her eyes, while you then wet hair & quickly wash hair, & behind ears, then rinse it. 4. Pull wet hair back away from 'moms' face & wipe her face / forehead with her washcloth to stop water from getting in her eyes. 5. Put soap on moms washcloth & give it to her & tell her to wash her front / chest / breast. While she's preoccupied, you wet another washcloth & quickly wash her IN THIS ORDER: neck, back (not bottom), chest, under breast, abdomen, arms, armpits, legs, feet, horizontal skin crease between lower abdomen & upper thighs, pubic area (where hair is), perineum (where you urinate / pee from & vaginal area), buttock cheeks, lower buttock & rectum (where stool/bowel movement comes from). *Rinse washcloth(s) & add more soap to it as needed. 6. Rinse body, with shower head, in same order as above / as you washed body. 7. Turn main water valve off. 8. Quickly give her one towel to wipe her eyes & face. While she's doing that, quickly drape one towel over her back, one towel over chest, one towel or her thighs, & one towel over her hair. Then proceed to dry her hair, then back, chest, abdomen (remember under breast & skin folds), pubic hair, legs & feet. 9. Take towel off her head & wipe off shower floor, where she will be walking out to reduce chances of slipping. 10. Wipe bottoms of her feet with towel. 11. Remove all towels from her body (can leave one on her back if desired). 12. Assist her out of shower & to nearby place to quickly dress. *The entire time brag on her, thank her, encourage her... Do things that will make her smile (tell jokes, be silly, sing, talk about good old times,... but remember sometimes she may just want it to be quiet). Try to be observant & aware of what is working & what is not & adjust your approach as needed. What works one time might not work another. During 'shower time' keep calm with a cheerful encouraging attitude no matter what happens. Later, reassess how things went, what you can do to make things go better next time... P.S. The extra washcloths are for if when you wash the rectum area, & there is poop on the washcloth, so instead of trying to rinse it out, you throw it in corner of shower & grab a clean one to continue washing rectum area & repeat that process until all is clean. You'll have time later to collect all wet towels & washcloths & do laundry.
Okay, I want to provide a different perspective. I am over 70, over the last 5 years, I have come to hate showers. The water on my skin is disturbing; tub baths are okay and so are sponge bath.I don't have any form of dementia, My sister who is a bit younger feels the same way. Your mother may not like showering for a very real and valid reason. Encourage your mother to do frequent (daily) and thorough sponge bath supplemented with weekly tub bath. I grew up without showers and we did not take daily baths.
As most of the posters have said, this is a very common problem among dementia/Alzheimer's patients particularly but many non afflicted elderly as well. You have a lot of empathy and company on this site - my 94 year old mother refuses to bathe (says she does the sponge bath thing) but she is anything but fresh smelling. I'm worn out from trying to get her to want to do this for her own well being and dignity, as many others will attest to as well. Perhaps knowing you have so much company will alleviate some of the guilt and/or feelings of needing to make this better for your mother as some things are simply out of our control.
Dear all. Glad to know I'm not alone. Here's something that may give you a laugh. At the doctor's yesterday mum was asked by the very sympathetic doctor if she would consider Meals On Wheels. Mum's reply " Well, I'd love to help out but I'm far too busy". T
After one of her hospitalizations, she qualified for Home Care along with a Home Health aide to provide hygiene. For some reason my mom listened to this woman and got in the bathtub with minimal pushback using a sliding bath seat where she scooted over into the tub. We had a hand held shower head which was great. It had to be quick or my mom would get restless to get out of there, but it worked. We had to prep the bathroom by running the hot water in there for several minutes to warm it up for her which helped as she didn't like getting cold.
After that we hired an aide recommended through her county's dept of aging. We didn't have to do this very long as she had another episode that she was admitted to the hospital and unfortunately had to be placed in a NH.
My point is sometimes the person will take direction from a non family member with minimal push back, and that's what happened here. Goodness knows she fought me with every excuse in the book.
Go figure!
My dad lived with us and got to a point where he wasn't showering. I tried everything: heating up the house, giving him nice and clean and fluffy towels, running the water so the bathroom steamed up; everything short of me getting in there with him which neither of us wanted. I called his Dr.'s office about getting a bath aide and the bath aide succeeded where everything else had failed. She was in and out like a flash and she trimmed his beard. He looked and felt like a million bucks!
Amother thing is that she has a craving for sweet things, is piling on weight wearing torn and tight clothes all of which doesn't help. I want to be kind & thoughtful but it is very hard. M
First, get the towels, shampoo,... ready. Second, when Mom is already on the toilet, or removing their pajamas; say "Mom, _________ (a person they would really like to see...like a friend, spouse, pastor,...) is coming see you this afternoon and I know you'd like to look good so we are going to take a quick shower before they get here. At the same time, be helping her remove her clothes. Then continue talking about how great it will be... AS YOU ARE WALKING HER into the shower!
If mom tries to back out once you have her near water... , say "We are already almost done / finished! You are doing great & are being so helpful...".
Keys to success:
THE SHOWER: Have a 'shower chair' (buy one specifically for that purpose) in the shower. Use a shower sprayer that has a LONG flexible hose that's permanently attached to shower spout & that allows you to spray only small targeted areas & have as way to temporarily shut the water off. A bonus is to have a way to hang the 'temporarily shut off shower head' onto shower wall... so water will not spray on you or mom when you set sprayer down when you're washing her hair...
Be prepared by having 2-5 towels, 2-3 washcloths, & soap in place ready to use when needed & water correct temperature. Make actual time in shower QUICK (5 minutes maximum). Simplify the shower process by using only ONE soap that can be used on both body & hair/head.
Washing: 1. Wet one washcloth & give to mom & tell her to wash her own face. 2. As she is doing that, tell her you are going to get her a little wet now to check the water temperature, then you allow very little water to splash onto her arm... to check if water temperature is ok for her. Once she's ok with temperature, then do a quick (10 seconds) pre-rinse to get entire body, except face & hair, wet. 3. Take moms washcloth away & give her a dry washcloth to hold over her eyes, while you then wet hair & quickly wash hair, & behind ears, then rinse it. 4. Pull wet hair back away from 'moms' face & wipe her face / forehead with her washcloth to stop water from getting in her eyes. 5. Put soap on moms washcloth & give it to her & tell her to wash her front / chest / breast. While she's preoccupied, you wet another washcloth & quickly wash her IN THIS ORDER: neck, back (not bottom), chest, under breast, abdomen, arms, armpits, legs, feet, horizontal skin crease between lower abdomen & upper thighs, pubic area (where hair is), perineum (where you urinate / pee from & vaginal area), buttock cheeks, lower buttock & rectum (where stool/bowel movement comes from).
*Rinse washcloth(s) & add more soap to it as needed.
6. Rinse body, with shower head, in same order as above / as you washed body. 7. Turn main water valve off. 8. Quickly give her one towel to wipe her eyes & face. While she's doing that, quickly drape one towel over her back, one towel over chest, one towel or her thighs, & one towel over her hair. Then proceed to dry her hair, then back, chest, abdomen (remember under breast & skin folds), pubic hair, legs & feet. 9. Take towel off her head & wipe off shower floor, where she will be walking out to reduce chances of slipping. 10. Wipe bottoms of her feet with towel. 11. Remove all towels from her body (can leave one on her back if desired). 12. Assist her out of shower & to nearby place to quickly dress.
*The entire time brag on her, thank her, encourage her... Do things that will make her smile (tell jokes, be silly, sing, talk about good old times,... but remember sometimes she may just want it to be quiet). Try to be observant & aware of what is working & what is not & adjust your approach as needed. What works one time might not work another. During 'shower time' keep calm with a cheerful encouraging attitude no matter what happens. Later, reassess how things went, what you can do to make things go better next time...
P.S. The extra washcloths are for if when you wash the rectum area, & there is poop on the washcloth, so instead of trying to rinse it out, you throw it in corner of shower & grab a clean one to continue washing rectum area & repeat that process until all is clean. You'll have time later to collect all wet towels & washcloths & do laundry.
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