Unless these accusations are causing you legal trouble of some sort, I'd ignore them completely. Giving a dementia patient printouts of your record keeping/bank statements/checks etc. is a waste of time b/c if she had the ability to understand the information contained on those statements, she'd also have the ability to understand you are not stealing from her.
Trying to use 'logic' and 'reason' with a person who's saddled with Alz/dementia serves no purpose at all. We cannot apply OUR rules of normalcy to them; they have a brain disease that prevents them from understanding much of anything. Paranoia and accusations of this kind are par for the course, unfortunately, especially with loved ones who do the MOST for them.
Let all the nonsense go in one ear and out the other & change the subject/use distraction techniques when the accusations start. If you have family members giving you a hard time about it, tell THEM to take care of mother's entire LIFE and let you know how they like doing so!
Is your mother's paranoia spilling out to other people? Is she telling this delusion to others in your family or social circle or on social media? If so, this is a different issue.
I agree with AlvaDeer to give her printouts. Although my mother isn't totally paranoid, she is nervous about trusting others to manage her money so I make sure to give her printouts of her statements and this satisfies her.
Paranoia of loss of money is one of the most common things in dementia. As to what you can do, you of course already know that your record keeping must be immaculate and correct on every single penny in and every penny out of Mother's assets. So you have your records. Secondly--and this is what I did for my brother--You can give your Mother a copy of her monthly report just as though you were her well paid accountant. She has a looseleaf binder into which she can clip this report. She has her own small account if she is capable of handling that, and you handle EVERYTHING else. It got so my brother didn't even ask or look at his sheet. We only discussed money when I wanted to know who to make POD if a new CD was being opened in his name. Wishing you luck. Not everything has an answer and this may be something you just need to live with. An occ. trip with her to your/her bank might help so the manager in the branch can tell her what a "good job" you are doing.
Trying to use 'logic' and 'reason' with a person who's saddled with Alz/dementia serves no purpose at all. We cannot apply OUR rules of normalcy to them; they have a brain disease that prevents them from understanding much of anything. Paranoia and accusations of this kind are par for the course, unfortunately, especially with loved ones who do the MOST for them.
Let all the nonsense go in one ear and out the other & change the subject/use distraction techniques when the accusations start. If you have family members giving you a hard time about it, tell THEM to take care of mother's entire LIFE and let you know how they like doing so!
I agree with AlvaDeer to give her printouts. Although my mother isn't totally paranoid, she is nervous about trusting others to manage her money so I make sure to give her printouts of her statements and this satisfies her.
As to what you can do, you of course already know that your record keeping must be immaculate and correct on every single penny in and every penny out of Mother's assets. So you have your records.
Secondly--and this is what I did for my brother--You can give your Mother a copy of her monthly report just as though you were her well paid accountant. She has a looseleaf binder into which she can clip this report. She has her own small account if she is capable of handling that, and you handle EVERYTHING else. It got so my brother didn't even ask or look at his sheet. We only discussed money when I wanted to know who to make POD if a new CD was being opened in his name.
Wishing you luck. Not everything has an answer and this may be something you just need to live with. An occ. trip with her to your/her bank might help so the manager in the branch can tell her what a "good job" you are doing.