My mother is 98, she can do many things for herself, slowly. No sense of time, With the guidance of me, myself and Irene. We keep her on a schedule. That’s a joke!! I have two other sisters that help. The eldest lives in a different state and had nursed our mother venous legs soars back to healthy no soars legs. Myself and my other sister change socks and support hose daily with moisturizer.At this point our mother wants no one else to come to help. I stay with her 4 1/2 days and my other sister stays 2 1/2 days. We all are very busy with our mother. I feel so trapped at times, no life. I was working part time and I have my own medical issues which sometimes makes it hard to care for our mother when I am with her. Mom is very bossy and demanding of my time when I am with her. Can’t take any short naps, can’t run to the store without her, have to pack her up to go anywhere. When the weather is nice I have no problem packing her up, but she feels like she has to wear her huge winter coat in 100 degree weather. She wants to be in the bathroom for long periods of time running the water over her hands. She won’t let anyone touch her, hug her, and she thinks that everything she touches has smells on them that will transfer to her and again heads to the bathroom to run the water over her hands. If our brothers touch her phone she will no longer touch or use her phone. She uses a tons of paper towels and non- smell tissue. No sent everything.We are tired, we can’t take any trips. I am semi-retired and my other 2 sisters are retired also. My mother doesn’t qualify for Medicare. My eldest sister says no nursing home.can anyone give me a word of advise on how to..Our mother has stage one heart, kidney, and lung failure.
If you want, you could commit to something more reasonable, like one day a week or one weekend a month. But that would be according to your schedule, not what anyone else demands.
Does anyone have your mother's POA? Who handles her finances?
In the meantime, when you're with your mother, you don't have to listen to her commands, if they aren't reasonable. If she says no nap, go take one anyway. If you need to go to the store without her, just go. If she complains, so what?
And as lealonnie said, talk to her doctor about medication to calm her anxieties and OCD. It's not only difficult for you and your siblngs, it's not a pleasant way to live for her either. This will make it easier for her to accept care from others.
You are entitled to enjoy your retirement years, and to spend it with your own family and friends. You've been very generous with your time! But you need your time for yourself, to protect your own health, both physical and mental. Let us know how things go.
Good luck to you.
1000%
You don't wait for her to agree to the plan. You find the aids and tell your Mom they're there to help you -- and if they aren't then you won't be coming any more. Then change the subject. When the aids come and she complains, have the aids distract her or redirect the conversation. You are in control, not your Mom.