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Pretty much every phone conversation, my mother insists that she's going to move out of there and back into an independent living situation. She is really unable to take care of herself, but if she succeeded in moving, I would want nothing to do with it. Can I walk away without any obligation?

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Unless she still is able to contact an independent living place, sign a lease, make the payments and arrange to move (or has an accomplice who would do those things for her) it is all just a lot of hot air. You will need to figure out a way to change the subject or grow a thicker skin, I don't expect she will listen to reason.
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Sendme2help, while she was in Independent Living, she had 3 ER visits for falls, for (1) broken tailbone (2) broken ribs, and (3) a concussion. Plus one for a TIA. Then her blood pressure went through the roof because she wasn't taking her meds right. I hired home health aides to help her, and she fired them as fast as i hired them. I arranged for grocery deliveries, and she terminated that. To say she is uncooperative would be an insult to uncooperative people everywhere.
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Yesterday, Mom phoned me because she had a diarrhea accident with poop running down her legs and she had pressed her FOB and was having a break down because they had not come fast enough to help her clean up. Although she is fully ambulatory and had just been out with a friend shopping at Target and walking with her cane, she was standing there unable to figure out anything at all about the mess in her panties. She can't even get her pants down to take away and clean up an occasional soiled diaper, yet every time she talks to me its about "I have so many abilities and I should be in an independent luxury apartment" or "back in my condo". Inability to have insight even with experiences like these is part of her cognitive impairment. I have begun the phase of telling her why not today, or we should look at that again in the spring, or other endless excuses she can settle with for today. I know she can't be without 24hr help available if needed, and we could not afford that at home nor could we ever get her to keep staff in there or accept staff in her home like that (we tried, went through 17 caregivers in 2 months through an agency).
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Is this dementia affecting her judgement? I used to have bad fights with my Dad until I realized he had dementia. It's still very hard to not get mad at him. He won't doing anything that makes sense.

Walking away? That's tough, but if it's wrecking your life cut her loose. If you are her POA I would think you would want to settle her affairs as much as possible before you get out of her life.
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I hope we can walk away without any obligation.

I am dealing with that with my Dad who wants to bring my Mom home from long-term-care. He thinks he can help her walk upstairs to go to bed... in denial that my Mom is now bedridden. There is a point where I just want to throw my hands into the air and say "go for it" but you are on your own. Oh, my parents are in their 90's.
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My uncontested guardianship proceeding in MN cost $4,000 after all the attorney fees and court costs. The point is to be aware that this should be a tactic of last resort. There are a whole other world of legal rules that begin to apply to what & how you can do things once you are a court appointed guardian/conservator. Things like property sales become very difficult. Things are a lot easier to accomplish as a POA. The rules vary by state, so do your homework before leaping into that boat.

My tip to you is to get used to hearing the delusional statements and demands. Let it go in one ear & out the other. You don't need to take them seriously. This is a new behavior to learn as a caregiver and it does feel weird. It seems like one day mom is a credible adult source of good information in your life, and the next she is not. It takes purposeful work on our part to shift into a different mode of interacting.
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Thanks for the responses! Windyridge, yes, she does have dementia which I think is about to slip out of the mild into the moderate range. She really doesn't have the wherewithal to do much more than talk about it, as I control her finances. That would be very difficult to do, as I'm the only family in the region.
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Ribbman, you control her finances as POA. She could fire you, of course -- is she competent enough to think of that and follow through on it? And even if she had you out of the financial picture could she find housing and negotiate the move herself?

It doesn't sound to me like this is a real threat. It is a complaint and wishful thinking. She will be less able to act on these kinds of fantasies as time goes on. If you were her guardian you could prevent her from moving. But it doesn't seem to me that is a realistic possibility anyway. And I don't think that having guardianship would make it any more pleasant for you to hear this assertion over and over.

Mom has a delusion -- "I can live on my own." And like any delusion she is not going to be reasoned out of it with logic. Placate her and try to redirect her. "OK, Mom, I'll look into what it would take to get out of your contract here. By the way, I saw a big sign for the holiday party next week. Shall we pick out what you are going to wear? "
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I guess it's always safe to get the guardianship. I did fine with a DPOA.

My loved one may have initially asked about going home while in regular AL, but I knew that she couldn't really do it, because she didn't know the address anymore, she couldn't dial a phone anymore, she had no cash or checks to pay a cab-plus a cab company wouldn't have known where to take her, and there was no family member who would take her anywhere. She had no means to do move out.

What I tried to do was to listen to her requests and promise to put it all in writing so the doctors and therapists could review her tests and progress and then we would make all the plans. She would forget this conversation each day, so it usually seemed to placate her. I told her she was in charge, but we had to complete paperwork and follow the doctor's orders so her insurance would pay.
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Oh, she stopped mentioning leaving after she went into Memory Care. It's secure so she can't leave, but I can't imagine having to deal with threats to leave long term. That would be challenging. I think that phase leaves with some patients.
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