Follow
Share

Mother is in a NH and only gets $52.00 a month extra from SS etc !!
She has no insurance policy etc ! I need to consider burials etc any advice ??
My siblings won't help and I'm POA .. Mother spoke about being cremated and I'll grant her that but I'd rather have a proper burial etc !
Any advice ?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
It sounds like you say that mother wanted cremation, then after she went into NH she wanted burial. I'd go with what she said she wanted when her mind was the clearest.

If she doesn't have the funds for burial or cremation, then it's up to the family to pay for it or make the county/state aware of the situation.

Are you the Executor, as the POA power ceases upon her death. If there are no funds in her estate at time of death, then there would be no funds to pay for a funeral. You might explore what happens in those cases with the NH. I'm sure they have seen it before. They may be able to point you in the right direction, help, aid, etc. Some sort of provisions have to be made in those cases.

Or you might discuss the matter with a local funeral home and see if they will work with you on the costs. In some states you can do direct burial with no embalming, if there is no viewing and burial is immediate. You can cut costs that way. Check with your state laws on what is required.

You can do your own memorial service later on at your home, church or park. There's no charge for that. There are ways to cut costs. If other family members are not willing to split costs, then, I'd just let them alone about it.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

You can be cremated and then buried. Is there room in the cemetery for her by her mother, brother, and sister? Would you have to buy a plot? Before you can make an informed decision, you need to talk to someone at the funeral home and the cemetery if they are run separately. Get the facts about costs of cremation vs embalming, etc. they may have a lot of good advice. You do not have to buy a casket from them. You could buy it from Costco for example. With Lewy Bodies dementia, donation might be an option. That way research could benefit. Lots to think about. Take a deep breath and do some research. Good luck!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I have spoke to my mother about this issue of being cremated and or proper burial!
At the time before going into a nursing home, she spoke with her other daughter who mother wishes not to speak to and my sister wants nothing to do with either ! Mother claims she wanted to be buried by her mother brother and other sister now ! Very small town and burial might be cheaper ! I hate talking about this subject but it has to be done and although mom has dementia Alzheimer's and Louie Bodies disease it's at point where she can't take take of herself!! Pretty much I'm the only one !!! My siblings I can expect NO HELP
Any suggestions??
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Not to be cold but a)your mother wants a cremation - if you "have a proper buries" it is for you and against her wishes. and b), you get what you can afford. If you want a proper burial and can afford it, fine but if you can't, don't

When dad passed, we used the cheapest pre-cremation container the crematory offered (he had to be in something by law so we went with the cardboard), we got a reasonably priced urn, no obituary, no viewing or service, nada.

That is what Mom wanted for Dad and that is what she will get when she passes.

Not having a funeral, burial, viewing or service didn't diminish my love for him or my memories or even my ability to say goodbye and have closure.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Kitty, one can have a proper burial even if they were cremated. One can have a service at Church, then later have the ashes scattered whenever Mom had decided. Check with the funeral home as there are do and don'ts for this.

Since funds are a major issue, some folks are cremated and placed in an urn which can sit in your home, or ashes can be placed in numerous urns to give to your siblings. The funeral home might allow you to use something else besides an urn. Lot depends on State laws.

If you prefer not to do that, check cemeteries that have a small vault that holds ashes where you Mom's name can be inscribed.

What was your Mom's relationship with your Dad? If it was good, her urn could be buried at your Dad's burial site, but one would need to check with the cemetery to see if that is possible.

To save funds, ask the funeral director is you could use your own guest book where those who come to the viewing can write down their names. The funeral homes sell their own books, but you might be able to create your own. I was able to use my late Mom's guest book for when my Dad had passed.

To save funds, depending on the local newspapers and their cost for an announcement, don't do an obituary. I didn't do any for my parents as they were very private people.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter