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SHe takes her to the bank to get cash and took her to a gyno appt without alerting my husband who has DPOA. In May, she sold her mobile home. Proceeds went to her friend who had the lien note. Although the full debt of $70K was not paid, $15K was the proceeds, and every cent went to this friend. My husband and I have DPOA. We decided along with another family friend Mary, that Sue would live on her property in a granny flat, as Sue was (and still is) very resistant to any sort of assisted living. This has made Sue happy and at the time, it was reasonable to all....except for her friend, L. The agreement was that Sue was to live on Mary's property. L is very controlling, and since then the following has happened: Two occcasions of L taking Sue to her bank and having her withdraw $100. At least five occasions where my husband and I made arrangements to pick Sue to spend time at our home, only to find L took Sue for the weekend. Two occasions where Sue was to spend time with a male friend, and again, L curtails those arrangments. When we talk with Sue about the bank withdrawals, she states that Lenda takes her because she needs money. Because of Sue's memory, she has a Visa debit card, and gift cards to the places she likes to shop...but we make it clear very little, if any cash is needed (it's been a year since Sue asked us to take over bill paying since she could not keep track of the money she had, so we already established that she cannot keep track of her finances). My husband takes Sue to all of her doctor appointments...but he found out this week Lenda took Sue to an gyno appointment without even checking with my husband. Sue told us she went, but could not remember what the reason was she saw the doctor. she said she could ony remember she was given a prescription...but of course, she can't remember what the prescription was for, and where the slip is. Now, my husband already has her existing prescriptions delivered via mail. Also, because this gyno was outside of her service plan, there was no HIPPA or medical directive on file, so this gyno office won't divulge any details to him. Sue and L have been friends since grade school, so this is a long friendship, but has since fallen apart due to L's controlling and manipulative behavior, and now taking Sue to a medical appointment. Sue says she's sorry-even though she has nothing to be sorry for. I ache over the fact her "friend" is taking advantage of her medical condition. Any help/advice would be appreciated. We live in California.

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As long as you're far away, you are going to be at a disadvantage. Your husband with POA should close his mom's account. Open another that she does not have access to and dole out the money directly. It's the only way, and simple. He will need to make sure her direct depositors have the new account number. In fact, you can do that with all her assets. As for having a manipulative friend, I suspect that when the money dries up, that will resolve itself. If not, and she keeps just taking Sue away, report the kidnapping to the police. They can have a talk with her. As a last resort, you can get a restraining order, but if your mil is happy with her company and gets enjoyment out of their adventures, if she's not being harmed physically, tread carefully. You don't want to give this person any leverage to turn your mil against you. It would be better if you lived closer.
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DPOA is obviously not enough. Pursue Guardianship and take control of mom's finances immediately.
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I'm stumped, it seems the only way to control this is to more closely supervise Sue, yet you say you don't want to change her living arrangements. I think it should be fairly easy to limit the amount of money available to her in her bank accounts, it is taking her to outside doctors that alarms me the most.
I hope others can give you more suggestions.
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Hi cwillie, Yes, we have communicated with L about the Alz. In fact, we have spent the last two years trying to pin down the diagnosis we finally got in May, all the while keeping L up to speed. We made it clear to her in June that Sue's living arrangement with Mary was the only one in place. Until this past year, Sue and L would spend every weekend together, always with a late night on Saturday. But with the ALZ, this had to change. Sue was not taking her meds timely or sometimes she wouldn't take it all, leaving her tired and frustrated for the rest of the week. When we told L the doctor made it very clear Sue had to take her meds regularly, and keep a healthy schedule-no more coming home at 1 am from movies or shopping, it stopped for a while, maybe a month, and now this has started again. Sue does not know what day it is, she doesnt remember to charge her cell phone (or turn it on sometimes). Mary, bless her heart, goes to Sue each morning and gives her her meds, and makes sure she takes them. She charges her phone, and "fixes" Sue's TV issues (she can't remember how to use a remote), and she's now unplugging her refrigerator every few days, even though there is no reason to, and she spends most of her days with Mary. She will wander off in a matter of minutes when we take her grocery shopping or out for a meal. Yet, she says she wants her independence. L seems to perpetuate this. There is also the possible financial abuse component. Mary has petty cash ready for Sue if she needs it. Other friends, when they take her out, also know to have her cash or debit card ready-and they provide receipts to us, so we know where every penny goes. Yet when she goes with Linda, there are no receipts, even when we ask. All we see is that $100 is taken out, Sue doesn't know where the money went. There are no new clothes or other items to show for it. And, there is no money left, even after less than 24 hours-always when she 's with L.
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Have you spoken to L about Sue's alzheimers and what rules you have established to keep her safe in her home? It seems that L is being purposely manipulative, but perhaps she is in denial about her friend's disabilities and is misguidedly trying to help her assert her independence from you.
If you find you can no longer trust L you may have to reassess Sue's living arrangements as she would not understand or agree with you banishing her lifelong friend.
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