My mother-in-law thinks people are stealing from her. Any advice?

Funny story while mom was in the nursing home recuperating from her broken hip. A lady quickly wheeled her wheelchair up to me the minute I stepped into the cafeteria at lunch time to see mom. She said, "Maggie, your mom stole my watch and won't give it back. I had it in my sweater pocket and it must have fallen out. She's got it; she's wearing it; and she says she bought it. I want my watch back. My daughter gave it to me for Mother's Day." Yikes!!!!

At first, frankly, I thought the lady was bats, but when I walked up to mom, lo and behold, she's wearing a watch she didn't have when she checked in. Oops! So I said, "Mom? Where'd you get that watch?" She looked at the lady and looked at me and said, "Ummm.....I bought it. It's mine."

"Okay, mom. Here's the deal. That's Wanda's watch. Her daughter bought it for her for Mother's Day. If I'da bought you a watch for Mother's Day, you'd feel AWFUL!! if you lost it. Right?"

"Right," she said. She took off the watch and handed it to Wanda.

We determined it had fallen out of her pocket, mom saw it and probably asked an aid to pick it up for her. She's wheelchair bound.

Another lady claimed someone had stolen $500 from her room. I asked her, "Why on EARTH did you have $500 here???"

"For candy," was her straight-faced reply. She'd already gone to the nurse's supervisor. While mom's story is a bit different, I'm gathering elderly people with dementia often have this kind of paranoia.

They lie!! You just gotta' laugh. And take everything they say with a grain of salt.

My MIL was always accusing people of stealing from even 25 years ago when she still worked.. perhaps it was hint. Now she is 89, and still does it, more and more often. When I was cleaning their vacay home this year I found a wad of $20. behind a chair. Didn;t touch it, just got FIL and then got it. He said she must have lost it last year, when she accussed him of stealing from her. Recently they were late for a visit. She found a bunch of ones in her purse..normally carried 20s. She accussed my FIL of stealing her money again! He lets her pay for things, and gives her the change back.. but she would not believe him,, cryed and carried on for an hour. She is not diagnosed.. he wont deal with that, but she is now on aricept ...I have cought her putting food in her purse, she has accused many of is of trying to poison her (even to carrying her food into the bathroom with her). Before she stopped driving whenever she had an accident (many) it was never her fault or someone "slipped her a micky".. I could go on and on. My Dad has ALZ.. I KNOW what I am seeing. Get your mil some help. My hubs did not want to see any of this, but since Dad moved it, it is harder for him to ignore.

It sounds like she is going into dementia although 60 is pretty young. My mother in her 90's is constantly saying the housekeepers took her "good clothes" and coffee pot, and anything else she can't find. We used to argue with her, but now we just nod our heads and say, yes, you told me that. There isn't a lot you can do when someone with dementia gets paranoid, but arguing with them doesn't work at all.

Get her to her doctor, send her/him information beforehand that she is delusional. This could be a symptom of several conditions.

Your mom needs to get to the doctor and get a thorough evaluation. She could be suffering from early-onset dementia or like Ba8alou says, a number of other things. But a medical professional needs to assess her. That's step one - and the most important thing you can do for her. Let her doctor know the kind of things she's doing (you can write a note ahead of time and give it to the doctor so you don't embarrass your mom). And don't be surprised if she doesn't want to go to the doctor. She probably knows something isn't right and will be afraid to find out what it is. Good luck and keep us posted.

Whatever this is, it is a medical problem. Seeking professional medical help is the first step. You don't have to be candid with Mom regarding why she is getting a thorough physical. Make something appropriate up. But get her to a doctor.

Until then, try not to take her accusations personally and try not to argue with her or reason her out of it. Be sympathetic to her without agreeing with her accusations. "Oh, your blue sweater is missing? That is really too bad! It goes so well with so many of your outfits, you must really miss it. It was getting kind of old though. Maybe your recycled it and forgot about it. I'll help you look for it, and if we don't find it, how about we get another blue sweater for you?" In other words, don't agree that the items was stolen, but sympathize with her feelings of loss.

I don't think you are going to solve this without medical help, but you can try to minimize the pain it is causing.

I had seen so many patients ware like your MIL while I was worked in nursing home,,, Suddenly someone(most the time female Pts) pulling my sweater that I'm wearing, " You stole my cloth!!' well best way to deal with this type of problems, "Just took it off give to her!!" Don't argue, get back later.....Jeanne is right on but I did most simplest way!!

Paranoia like this can come from different causes, but dementia is a common one. After a stroke, mental illnesses, or even a UTI. Getting a medical work up will answer a lot of questions about what to do next.

The general advice to caregivers dealing with a super-paranoid senior is to just keep them calm. It does not matter one iota what the truth really is. Just placate, reassure, and agree if you have to, simply to keep her from getting upset.

There are a lot of great meds for paranoia, hallucinations, and dementia these days that can help make it much better. It may not ever be curred, but these symptoms can be dampened. Good luck & post back!

It sounds as though she may be a schizophrenic. Has she been seen by a psychiatrist?

Big mistake. It will be worse for all of you if she moves in. Take it from me. I am living the same situation. Don't make that move and have her move in!! Just get her help. That's all you can do. Ignore her accusations and just sympathize with her, that's all. Good luck!