Follow
Share

She refuses all medical help or assistance from any one. She is 90yrs. old. her husband died one year ago in Feb 2014. She does not eave the house. Expects her only child to do her laundry, cleaning, errands, shopping , cutting her toenails and be her socialization. She has severe arthritis and undiagnosed issues inner leads and feet has lost 50 lbs and at lead 3 inches in height. Complains constantly, insists she doesn't need or want help and has a million excuses why she can't leave the house, order new clothes, get medical attenion etc etc. She recently fell and did not call for help until she had been on the floor for nine hours( we live 90miles away. WHile we were n the road to get to her she called and sid she had managed to get p and she would not let s in few came there if we insisted she go to get checked out at the hospital ER.
She is causing great emotional distress to my husband( depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
It sounds like your husband needs to decide how much he can do for her. Since he lives a fair distance away, maybe he can visit her 2 or 3 times a month and help her with certain things. He should let her know what he can do and when he'll be available, then say no if she presses for more from him. She can hire maids to do her housekeeping and laundry. She can go to the podiatrist to have her toenails done. There are senior centers, churches, and senior communities if she is looking for companionship. Your husband can't wear all the hats for her.

Maybe you and he can do certain things, e.g. shopping and sharing dinner somewhere, when you come to visit. Let her know what you can do, then stick to your limits. It's amazing what other options people can find when they need to.

I do agree that living in a senior community sounds ideal for your MIL. There are plenty of people if she chooses and transportation to the places she needs to go. However, I know that getting some people out of their homes is like pushing an elephant. Good luck to you and your husband getting her to understand what you can and can't do.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

She can no longer live alone safely. Move her to Assisted Living. This is the helpless/manipulative phase now. Next is the weepy angry stuff when you don't meet all her demands. It sounds like she craves attention, which works well at an ALF, because there's lots of company.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

It sounds like first of all your husband needs medical help with his depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts. He needs a psychiatrist for meds and a therapist to talk with.

The next time she falls and goes to the hospital tell the discharge person that you can no longer care for her, explain the situation and they will figure something out for her care.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter