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somebody please tell me how to adress this as i am very sensitive to smells, We have asked his mother NOT to smoke in the house. she smokes outside on the front porch and teh smoke just goes into the house anyway, Now she has taken to smokin in the garage. With the door open a bit on the bottom and the friggin door to the house wide open. My air conditioner goes NON stop. i have asked a million times to keep that door cold because the ac goes out the door and cools the rest of the house to the point its freezing in here. Then she will come in and say its cold . NO DUH. So back to the smoking. now she is sneaking upstairs and smoking in the bathroom ! MY house, brand new car , husands truck all smell like ciggarett smoke, We are in the process of selling the house and going to move to exclusive apartments . I am sick to my stomach to think that within a week that will smell like smoke too, Its gotten to the point where i am just depressed about everything and i dont even care if we move or not because i know she is just going to RUIN my new apartment too with the damn ciggaretts. i dont know what to do . i hate my life right now . and i get NO help from hubby about her . and its HIS mother.

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MIL has dementia, right?

The sad truth is that you are probably not going to be able to reason with her or teach her new behavior. Not because she is stubborn or doesn't care about your wishes (although those things might also be true -- I sure don't know) but because her ability to reason and to learn is impaired. She has defects in her brain.

My mother has smoked for 78 years and has no interest in giving it up. But as it became clear that she could not live on her own much longer, and when all the decent ALFs we looked at had no smoking policies, we had her try out e-cigarettes. WooHoo! Worked like a charm. She is confused about them sometimes, and would try to light them with a match if she could find matches, but they seem to satisfy her addiction, give her something to do with her hands, and generally make her feel like things are "normal." But they don't stink up the house, burn holes in the carpet or chairs, and risk a fire.

They require charging and I don't think she could manage that and it might have been a tough solution to implement in an ALF. But as it turned out, she moved into my sister's non-smoking home and it is working out fine. She visits my non-smoking home one weekend a month, and I am truly grateful I don't have to deal with the issue you describe.

Do you think your MIL would try the "new fangled re-usable smokes"? My mom didn't care for them immediately but since smoking is an addiction and that is what she had on hand she kept trying them. She has no problem with them now. (She is nearly 93, with moderate dementia.)
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Smoking inside should be a definite no-no. Can you confiscate her cigarettes so that she has to come to you when she wants to smoke? Then you can designate a place outside that's acceptable for her to smoke. It may not seem fair that she has to come to you if she wants to smoke but if you want to be able to control where she smokes and ensure that she smokes outside it might be the only way.
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I went through this as well and you have to put your foot down. Number one it is not good to do this as it puts yourself in harms way with second hand smoke and utmost it could cause a fire in YOUR home or apt. She has to go outside and if you have to go with her like Eyerishlass said find a designated place for her to smoke but put your foot down and say NO SMOKING in my home or your apt. It is your right and your husband needs to understand - either it is no smoking or someone has to go. Sorry if I sound so cruel but it is just the way it has to go when you are all non-smokers and then you have this problem. Set those boundaries and stick to them. I wish you luck.
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Your house your rules! Tell her no smoking except outside or she can find another place to live. When you move, same rules apply. I am unfortunately a smoker, but I would never infringe my addiction onto other people. Nonsmokers has rights too!
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It is obvious your MIL and your husband neither give a rat's patoot about your feelings. So, if this were me, I would have a major meltdown and tell both of them that I was moving out until the situation was rectified and that you would not be available to either one of them if the smoking were to continue in your home. This is "your" home and you have the right to dictate what goes on inside or outside the property. Your personal health and peace of mind are at stake and you should tell Mom that she shows no respect for you---same with your husband.
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To those of you saying your parent wouldn't be allowed to smoke in a nursing home. Actually, I was shocked to find that this is not true. When I toured nursing homes for my mother -- and I was limited to nursing homes that could handle tracheostomy patients, so it's not a complete sampling -- I found that the majority had provisions for smoking patients. The one she is in currently has supervised smoking, where each patient has an individual, locked box with their cigarettes in it, and they go outside at set times of the day for supervised smoking.

Some people have suggested this model for the smoker who won't stop smoking in the house. If she's not able to make good decisions on her own -- and it sounds like she may not be -- then that might work. Personally, I would try for the e-cigarettes, since they don't have a smell and aren't trailing nicotine into the house on their hands and clothing.
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Give the E- cigs a try. Wow people that age and sick still smoke . I find this CRAZY. Maybe she feels she has nothing to lose anymore so who cares. But its harming and harmful to YOU! People really only care about their damn bad habits and what makes them happy in the moment. Tell her when you do move its a NON-SMOKING apartment .
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friend you have to dig deep here...let go of the emotion and become clear. what are YOU willing to do to set the limits. Is your MIL mentally capable of understanding.
Do you make idle threats about leaving but do not follow through? Calm down become clear and focused and set your limits and FOLLOW THROUGH. This is a tough one, been going on for years..People need to respect one another when living together. Don't react just act. You can do this without sarcasm or yelling.
Make your plan and carry it out. Good Luck.
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Okay, I'm going to play a bit of a devil's advocate here. I smoke. My husband smokes 4 packs a day if I let him (which I don't, since I really can't afford it), and he's diabetic, has vascular disease, etc.

My advice, as a smoker who will never quit, is to make a special place for your MIL to smoke. Keep her cigs so you know when she wants one, and escort her to where you want her to be. Make her comfortable, with a chair and a place with a book or something else she can do. Winter, the garage works nicely, although make sure she wears warm clothing, so you can shut the door to the house. In the summer, make a shaded place outside, so not even the garage is smoky.

My mother didn't want me smoking in her house when I stayed with her, so I went outside. I have consideration for others who don't want the health risk, etc. But, I also made sure I had a comfortable place to go, especially if I stayed overnight and wanted my coffee and cig in the morning.

Plus, if you make it into a nice time for MIL, with you acting as if her needs are important to you, you just might get her following the rules better. Those who do not smoke do not understand, truly, why we keep doing it. And, as the old saying goes, if I have to explain it, you really wouldn't understand anyway.

Other than that, my advice is to place her where she can have that smoke. My mother's NH allowed it outside. There are places that do. You may have to look around, though. Good luck.
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Does she have dementia or Alzheimers? If so, how bad is it? Is she dependent on you and hubby to get her cigs for her? If she can't obtain them on her own, don't get them for her. If she gets on you for not bringing home the cigs, just say "Oh sorry I forgot." Or, "you didn't ask for cigarettes." If she has memory problems she might believe you. This might sound awful but my grandma, with her sneaking around, being nasty and inconsiderate, outright lying and claiming "I don't know" "I never said that" "I don't remember", etc....well she just drove us to the point that we decided we could all play that game. Used to be, we knew she was manipulating us. Now she doesn't remember anything we told her 5 minutes ago anyway. It's your house and she's lucky you haven't put her in a facility.
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