How can I stop my live-in mother-in-law from shopping us out of space?

If you have a parent that really likes to shop, ask a school if she can adopt a class. Assign her a certain amount of money each month to spend.As a teacher, I would have loved help. We all buy a lot of what goes in our rooms. Treats, help at holidays, decorations, posters, coloring books, etc. are always welcome. Perhaps this will help to develop an interest other than shopping for a parent if she gets to know the teacher and class.

Judy: I appreciate how you view your mom's spending and I agree with your view. Nevertheless, if you mom was spending that amount of money each month on things and asking you to make room for them in your house it would be a completely different situation. My guess is Scott would prefer his MIL was able to take a cruise too. Boy these parents can sure put us through the hoops. Cattails.

I just had another idea. If your parent likes to read, try paperback swap.com. The only cost is postage. You post books you don't want, people request them, a mailing form with the postage amount can be printed or you can write the address. Wrap the book in paper, mail, get a credit, and then you order a book. It works very quickly, and I often have 20 credits built up at a time. It is a great way to quell the urge to spend money. Book tapes are on there, too.

I had this problem with my mother when she first moved in.... only it was with dollar store stuff! She has a bedroom and large closet but the bathroom is a shared downstairs bathroom. The only way to stop it was to get firm and say no more... my house is decorated the way I want it... I told her emphatically that unless it is something that she wants or "needs" for her own room that's fine but nothing else is acceptable... unfortunately, it did not stick until I started throwing out stuff she bought for elsewhere then her room... it was tough to do but now we are at peace.

Judy, that is great idea if she was a volunteer before, or at least an outgoing person. If however, she was not. . . I know that I will likely be volunteering in my last days as I did so for most of my life, but I have never ever been able to convince my husband to, and so he sits at home in front of the boob tube and drinks his beers and smokes his cigarettes and has decided to be miserable. My mother is a shopper and not a volunteer. You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make it drink.

And if she has always been a shopaholic, you really really have a problem. I have a friend who may very well be homeless soon, partly due to this problem.

If it were me, I'd take away the credit card. After all, it's her house that the MiL is causing a problem in. I just took away my husband's bank card because he is causing a problem in our joint account with his extra beer/cigarette purchases. Fortunately he knows he is wrong and gave it up willingly if unhappily.

Wow, Chimonger, that is some heavy stuff. You have been through the mill and my heart goes out to you and your family. I hope you are all getting some counseling as to how to put the pieces back together.

Hoarding is a disease. It's like dementia, only it's a mental illness. You can't just talk them out of it.

Scott, I think you might have posted about this before, I could be wrong. Nevertheless, I think you have to take some firm steps to stop this. It is your home and if your MIL is ill and it shows up in her hoarding, then you should ask yourself if you can live with this or not. How does your wife feel about it. That's important information for us to understand.

I don't know how old your MIL is or what her other health issues may be, but more information would be helpful.

Cattails.

Hi!

My mother is dead. She was an alcoholic and a hoarder. The problem with hoarding is the accusations of throwing things out and blaming you for throwing her things out. Those fights were tough.

My mother filled an entire house and then went out to the barn and started filling it up. She would take any furniture left on the side of the road. Anything on sale. Fabrics...OMG, we had so much fabric. I don't think she understood QVC or we'd probably have had more stuff. (I wish she hoarded antiques or valuable items but alas, it is all crap she hoarded.)

I have no advice for you except it was very important in our place to keep the horse section of the barn neat and uncluttered for the animals. And I was very clear about that. Every time something landed in that section, I'd toss it in the section she'd pretty much filled. I'd stuff that section to the rafters. So there was an invisible boundary, cross it and the stuff would be gone.

We just cleaned out one of the rooms in our house. Room is about 11 x 17 or smaller and we got 125 black plastic bags of stuff out of just ONE room. We finally got the whole house and basement cleaned out and now will start on the barn.

Hoarding is horrible. I did learn a lot from those TV shows but I have no advice to stop the person except just shoving all the stuff back in her room until she has no space. Or simply state things place "here" or "there" automatically get thrown away. I was pretty tough with my mother about the horse section and she did back away from stacking that area to the rafters with crap.

On a funny note, all the years my brother and I dealt with the hoarding...Shoot, if we needed anything, we'd "mine" the area in the barn for the item. Not there, then we'd buy it. It got to a point that my mother didn't really know what she had. But sometimes she'd surprise you and some forgotten trinket would be the object of her need-to-see. Always someone stole it or someone threw it out deliberately...but maybe it was something we "mined."

Good luck!

My mother got hooked on those machines that have stuffed animals in them and collected Hundreds of the, My sister gave them to police and fire departments and hospitals. She felt important "collecting them for the children". Unfortunately after a number of years that ran its course and now it is lottery tickets. Gotta find her a new "hobby". We used to deplore the darned stuffed animals...at least they were cheap!

There are great books on hoarding at the library. I tried having my Mother place one or two objects a day at her side in the nearest pile, then she could enjoy it for a day or two before deciding which ONE item would be taken directly to good Will. My brother had to be the "heavy" as she listened to him just to keep him from losing his temper. I also gave us the gift of going trhough things from many years ago, sharing a story about the items and then placing in a box to donate.

I told mom NO when she asked for more clothes. "If you put one more thing in that closet, it will explode. You have to get rid of something first." and I have stuck to that. She's got more stuff than the Salvation Army for crying out loud.