My mother in law is 87 and has no relatives but me. My husband, her only child, died several years ago. I have been taking care of her as well as possible. I go to her home everyday,at least once, organize and administer medicines, pay bills, buy groceries, cook and clean. I also have a very demanding job that she constantly complains about because it takes time from her. I have let her control me for years. She has always been very controlling and it has exacerbated with age and dementia. She does not want to leave her home, which I understand, but she does not want help to come in, either. Her doctor has put his foot down and said she must make a choice. She wants me to tell him we can handle it but I really can't anymore. How do you get past this guilt? She has lived alone for years but it is just not safe anymore.
Best wishes to you at this difficult Life Decision. There are many great resources here on agingcare dot com, but please remember that you must absolutely keep your budget under control: there is not a lot of choice in facilities if she should run out of money and go on Medicaid (Medicare does NOT pay for ALF).
Carol
Ask yourself why you feel guilty?
second question ask yourself How would I feel if your MIL had a serious accident at home because of no supervision?
Third question what would happen to your MIL if you became ill or injured?
They will help provide guidance for your decision.
I see it everyday in emergency departments. Elderly people admitted with major even life threatening injuries post falls.
At the end of the day you have a life to live as well and need to care for yourself.