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Last week psychical therapy came out to help my 85 yr old MIL in he short comings. She flat out said she didn't need or want help and was discharged! Now with occupational therapy all they have asked her to do is wear a sling for 4 hours twice a day to keep she shoulder from slipping out of socket and to allow for more breathing capacity also to wear an ace wrap at night to keep her poor fingers from digging into the palm of her hand. MIL has osteoarthritis, Stage 3 COPD, congestive heart failure, past major stroke and is also on high doceage of bloodthinner. I'm frustrated, confused, stressed and hurt all at the same time. How do I handle her refusal for help that concerns her quality of life?
Please help.

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So sorry for you but if she is of "sound mind" there isnt alot you can do my mum gave up on life a very long time ago and now i just cant fight her anymore i understand the stress frustration but i know ive done everything to try and help her you have to try and let it go i know its hard but if she dosnt want help you cant make her. She has probably had enough of pain so maybe let her go and respect that shes been through alot and just let her be or you will make yourself ill. I think we all want to do whats right and sometimes letting them go is the right thing to do if thats what they want.
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My dad had a mild stroke about 2 years ago. At the hospital, he refused his meds and physical therapy. Finally, his doctor told him that if he doesn't take his meds and do the PT, then he will not be released. If he does it, they will release him. He spent 2 weeks there, finally did it all so that he can come home. At home, he refused therapy. Now, he's bedridden and continues to blame his stroke for being bedridden...not his stubborness of refusing PT because it Hurts. Several people have told dad that they had a stroke but PT helped them to walk and become normal. He insists that his stroke is worse than theirs - that's why he's bedridden.

Your MIL - if she doesn't want to do anything to improve her health, there's really not much you can do. Maybe find an incentive for her to work on it? Is there a way to explain to her that if she did this and that with her health, that it would make it so much easier for her to stay with you? But, because she's not helping herself, and you cannot do it by yourself, then she will need a more 24-hour care that you are not able to provide? Like how the doctor got my dad to do the PT when he was in the hospital. His Goal - was home. It's hard to say, with your MIL, if that would work.

FYI, my dad had pneumonia last year. I knew it. I tried to get him to go to the doctor. He refused. He wanted to die. I called the ambulance. He refused their services. I called adult protective services (APS), the elder law attorney, his insurance - they all told me that it is my dad's decision. If he doesn't want medical help - there's nothing they can do. If he wants to die, there's nothing they can do. He finally had me call 911 because he had problems breathing and chest pain (his left lung was almost filled up with fluid.) He couldn't handle the pain and the breathing difficulty.
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Thank you both for ypur response. As far as dementia she hasnt been "officially" diagnosed with it as of yet. We are waoting on the doctor to have her tested. On the cognitive impairments she has a birth injury on her left hand which has her is touching her wrist. Over time her hand has stayed in a fist and is causing her fingers to dig into her palm. I feel horrible if I just let her give up knowing more persistent from me could have given her more living time here with us.
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Ask her if she wants Hospice, ask her MD if it is time. The morphine will help her pain and make her comfortable. This is so hard, I know, I just went through Hospice with my daughter. Follow her wishes.
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You don't mention dementia or cognitive impairments. If she is legally competent -- in her right mind -- she can decide for herself what therapies and what help she wants.

You can try convincing her, of course. You may have some leverage if she needs your help with some things and you say you won't continue to help if she won't help herself by doing some PT. But the bottom line is that it is her decision.

Sorry.
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