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My MIL will be coming home from NH Rehab today and will have to stay with us for a day or two. Her house is/was infested with fleas and will also need to be cleaned. My dh and nephew sprayed it over the weekend so hopefully the fleas are dead now and I can clean tomorrow if I can get a sitter for the kids. Dh has been told that she doesn't need to stay by herself yet they're releasing her to go home where she lives alone. Nephew came up with the idea of her staying with us until she could find somebody to move in with her. That won't work. We don't have room for her. She'd be on our couch until someone moved in with her. I told dh two days tops is all I can handle. He thinks she'll want to go back home after a day anyway and thinks I'm worrying needlessly. I've threatened to go somewhere with the kids if she's here more than a couple of days. I may sound like a horrible person but while my MIL is a sweet person, she also does not respect boundaries, walking into my bedroom uninvited one time just to give an example. She tries to take over with the kids, tries to interfere with our way of parenting and expects to the kids to be all over her at all times. She basically wants to be the center of attention with the kids. She's also been guilty in the past of trying to invite people to our house without checking with us first. I just don't foresee her staying here more than a day or two and it not causing problems between her and us, and me and dh. What was my question again? Oh yeah, she really does need more care than I or anyone else in the family is able to provide. She needs someone with medical training, someone to make sure she takes a bath, takes her medicine correctly, takes her breathing treatments and someone who can check her blood. (she's on a blood thinner)She's showing signs of dementia, where she's forgetful, won't bathe for days, may not be wiping herself when she goes to the bathroom, which is how she ended up in the hospital with a UTI. She also thinks she can drive but the last time she drove she got pulled over because three or four people called the cops on her saying she almost ran them off the road. Her side of the story was that those people just didn't have anything better to do than to call the cops on her! She refuses to even discuss going to a nursing home, telling dh you're not going to put me away! She believes that people put loved ones in the NH when they just don't want to fool with them anymore. I'll be the one having to deal with any and all needs since I stay home and dh works long hours. I foresee this causing me to resent her and dh, not to mention the rest of the family. This may have been more of a vent. Thank you for "listening." Any advice and/or hugs would be most appreciated.

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She's 77 and has Medicare and Medicaid for her health insurance. She receives a disability check every month, which she's been getting for a little over 20 years I think. She got hurt on her job years ago which is why she's been getting a check all these years. They put her in the rehab part of the NH after she left the hospital but now rehab wants to release her, saying she's completed all her physical therapy. It's just going to be a vicious cycle until she goes in a home. She falls, or gets real sick, then has to go to the hospital, then rehab, then they send her home. This is the second go around. And as I said, we'll have to appeal the Medicaid transfer penalty that we know will be coming whenever it's applied for. If we'd had the money we would've just bought the land from her but that's not an option.
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Gosh is she over 65, have social security or Medicare? Just to know next time: at the hospital ask to see the discharge planner and tell them she cannot come to your home and if she can't be by herself in her own home they will have to put her somewhere.
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Unfortunately she doesn't have any income besides her disability check, which covers her utilities and some groceries but doesn't leave much afterwards. She also recently signed the property(we live on it too, so her home is about 40 feet away from ours) over to my dh so she'd have that transfer penalty period to deal with too. The property isn't worth much and we may actually be able to appeal the penalty since she wasn't trying to qualify for Medicaid, she would've already qualified, but she won't even consider going anywhere. How do you go about getting someone put in a home when they refuse to go and really need to go? I made an appointment for her for a neurologist but it's not until next month. Is there something else we need to be doing? Even if I were willing to have her live here, there's no room and she doesn't want to live here either. She wants to be in her own home and is as stubborn as the day is long about not going to a nursing home or anywhere else.
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If she has enough money hire someone to clean her home--you don't need more work. When she walks in your home start talking about her going home the day the place is cleaned. Set the tone and set the rules. Your house, your rules. Be firm. You can be responsible w/out letting her take over. Being responsible does NOT mean she has to live with you. Start looking for AL places if she can afford it. Even if she won't go now be prepared with places she can go to live so she won't end up at your home by default. Don't let yourself be brain-washed into her way of thinking that she is not loved if you don't personally take care of her.
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My dh found fleas in her house last week when he went to check on things. My younger nephew, when he was living there, insisted on having a dog then didn't take precautions to make sure no fleas got on said dog. I'm not happy with that boy at all. MIL just allowed it. She doesn't respect boundaries but she also doesn't set them herself and has always allowed her kids and grandkids to run over her so she allowed the dog to stay. Younger nephew moved out last month and left the dog. Older nephew came up and got rid of the dog but unknown to any of us the fleas were there. A day after the dog was gone, MIL fell and I took her to the hospital. Dh said that a doctor told him she didn't need to be alone and she really doesn't. She refuses to go to a NH and thinks that someone can come live with her and that will fix things. My fear is that it will be more than a couple of days and she'll be on our couch. It really wasn't discussed with me either, about her definitely staying here. I gave dh heck for it over the weekend and let him know the terms. He said we'll get the fleas out then she'll want to go home anyway, don't worry. Famous last words. I'm afraid that if she's not gone in a couple of days I'm going to need a good therapist....or a good lawyer.
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Did the rehab talk to you and your husband about MIL not being able to live alone? My concern is that she'll come to your house for "a day or two" and end up living with you for the rest of her life. If she's recovered enough that the rehab is sending her home why the pitstop at your house? I can understand why you're worried.
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