Mother in law lost her youngest son, then husband of 67 years between Feb & June. My husband and I are swapping off 12/7 shifts. He sleeps there, since she's too heavy for my little 101 lbs to lift if she falls again, and I'm there all day to clean and cook and get all the financial mess from her husband dying before he sat down to tell us what he wanted done. (Hospice just set up a bed for him in home, chemo was no longer helping with his leukemia). She's lost her youngest son in Feb, he had a planned death, then in June, her husband of 67 years fell in the driveway taking out the trash. She has talked continuously about wanting to join them... a week ago, she's decided she isn't hungry, doesn't want to drink, since it causes her to have to get up and pee (she fell for the 10th time last week). She refuses to eat, complaining her lower partial hurts, but won't let me set up dentist, doctor or any grief counseling. She's quit trying to clean (she has MAJOR OCD). Just sits in her recliner day and night, flipping thru channels, but never really watching anything. We are really at a loss about what to do now. Everyone in the family has just faded into the woodwork and want no responsibilty. So it's just hubbie and I taking care of his mother. My health isn't very good, so we are concerned that I'm pushing too hard to help her... she of course, doesn't want anyone coming into her house, they'd just be bringing dirt in, she doesn't like strangers in her house, so she refuses any in-home help. I had to go back to my family for a week, so I wasn't aware she'd quit her sponge baths. The people in the ER said she was filthy, they wouldn't let her put on her clothes she'd been wearing for close to 2 weeks. Has only washed her hair once since Dad passed on June 2nd. It keeps getting worse and she won't let us do anything that would help, even lying about eating to her son (my hubby). We just don't know what to do!!! She wants to die in her home (Dad did also). Is there anything we can do to help or should we honor her wishes and just sit and watch her wither away?