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Can we legally get home nursing help in her marital home even though he doesn't want it and would be very difficult? He is very stubborn and not kind. My s-i-l would like him to help pay with the bills at her home while she is staying there. Can he be made to pay up for care, bills etc. Is there a specialist body, other than her GP to can evaluate her needs and get a report that hopefully her husband will listen to? Help please!

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Kimbo, some elders can become very stubborn, and are either in denial that their spouse needs a higher level of care, or refuse to believe that anything is wrong.

My Mom was like that when my Dad had a mild heart attack. Mom said that she will take care of Dad at home. Hello, she was 90 years old at the time. And was in denial that my Dad had a heart attack, as that wouldn't make her look like a good wife. Yes, old fashioned society thinking from her era. She didn't have an open mind.

Mom didn't even like having the nurse come by every few days to check Dad's blood as he was now on blood thinners. Mom didn't like the physical therapist who came to the house to help Dad get up onto his feet. But she was quick to call me on the phone to say Dad fell and is unable to get up.

Thus there wasn't anything I could do. Mom still was pretty sharp for her age with general age decline. We would have had to wait for an emergency to make other arrangements. And when you think about, that is so unfair to the ill spouse.

Afterwards, once Dad was back on his feet, I suggested it was time to update their Power of Attorney to add me as secondary. My parents agreed.
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Is she still competent enough to appoint someone other than her husband POA? Do they have a joint checking account?

I think I would get this poor lady to a certified elder care attorney asap.
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