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Howard, like they habe all said...its the Dementia. Hope her family members understand what is going on. I understand with my Mom, but it is still upsetting when she thinks I and my brother r conspring against her. And, that I'm being held responsible for my brothers not doing this and that. As the oldest, I put up with this when I lived home. Sure don't feel like making sure my brothers visit or call. They r 56 and 60.
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HowardD you are witnessing the first signs of dementia in your mother-in-law. I remember my MIL accusing me of stealing her spaghetti and was quite nasty about it. Talk with your wife's brother and inform him of your suspicions and suggest he get her to a geriatric neurologist. It will save a lot of back tracking on your part. The "he said, she said" never ends well, unless you record everything you say to her. I am sorry for your loss.
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Oh JessieBelle, my aunt was something else! She passed away in January at age 92. She became quite vicious to me after I took responsibility for putting her in the nursing home. Even though I am married for over a decade, she told my sister she couldn't believe I just got married "after all this time!" Then she said to me "well enjoy your marriage while it lasts"!!!
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wordscribe, I am still laughing. You aunt should be a star on TV. :-) Poor BIL. It does sound like the perfect comedy plot for a sitcom.
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In dementia, you never what story the patient will come up. My aunt seemed to really have it in for my sister's husband, which she didn't before the dementia happened. When she was told she broke her eye socket in a fall at home, she refused to believe that she fell but "IF I did fall, it was only because (the brother-in-law) pushed me!" Also you won't believe this but she said my brother-in-law was leading the gay pride parade this year in my cousin's hometown. I mean, the stories were incredibly inventive! Hopefully your other family members will understand that they need to take her stories with a grain of salt. Good luck.
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I have this same problem with my sister; saying things about me that are not true. I just went to the people that matter to me and set the record straight. Anyone else, I just let them think what they want. It's been my experience that people want to believe the bad before they will the good. Just don't let this situation take away your self-confidence like it did mine. Malicious words are not worth it.
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but otoh, sometimes people try to make other people think that's what's going on when it isn't by discrediting the credibility of the person who's learned the truth
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Make sure your in-laws know it isn't true but they probably shouldn't try to argue (it seems like the more you talk about a subject that has been invented the more it becomes TRUTH), and try to have positive interactions with her. Bring her cookies, keep your visits very short (I was in the neighborhood with these cookies) and try not to get irritated with the repetitions. Maybe she will forget about the "divorce" next.
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Confabulation {This is a frequent re-post by me because the subject is very important} It seems that Alzheimer's world is fraught with confabulation speak. The general public doesn't understand Alzheimer's they certainly need to be educated regarding Confabulation.

In psychology, confabulation (verb: confabulate) is a memory disturbance, defined as the production of fabricated, distorted or misinterpreted memories about oneself or the world, without the conscious intention to deceive.

Key factors in confabulations are there is no intent to deceive, second the person being unaware that the information is blatantly false.
Be aware confabulating is distinct from lying.

Confabulations are a major annoyance and can be dangerous— when we the take everything in a discussion at face value. Confabulating is very frequently observed in people with Alzheimer’s.

Confabulating is distinct from lying because there is no intent to deceive, and the person being unaware that the information is blatantly false. Carers challenge: is what they say true?

It is difficult for everyone to accept a mind is damaged by Alzheimer's Disease.

Not only is memory damaged their ability to process thoughts and conversations is impaired.

Understand the similarities between confabulation and delusions; e.g., both involve the production of unintentional false statements, both are resistant to contradictory evidence.

Recognize the difference between confabulations and delusions that are frequently observed in Alzheimer’s patients include beliefs about theft, the patient’s house not being his home, a spouse, is an impostor, belief an intruder is in the house, abandonment, spousal infidelity, and paranoia.

An aide/caregiver must understand the individual has Alzheimer's Disease, be aware of the danger, and treat the person with patience. Also, Confabulation is common.
Conversing with someone who has Alzheimer's is often like talking with your cat. Acknowledge, respond, be affectionate, develop boundless patience. Forget about rational responses.
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That should be "going on," instead of "going home." I think I'm getting a touch demented myself. I keep typing wrong words. :)
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HowardD, you are most likely right. There's no telling what stories will be invented or changed in the brains of someone with dementia. The best you can do is let your BIL know it's not true. I hope this doesn't break down the relationships you have with your in-laws. Dementia can tear families apart. Communicating with each other about what is going home can help prevent it from happening. Try not to get mad at your MIL. It's hard not to get mad, I know. Some of the inventions and revisions that go on in their minds can hurt.
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