Anyone have MIL living with you unplanned and uninvited?

It is not true that there is nothing you can do. If MIL is mentally competent it is true that you cannot insist that she go to a care center or in any way dictate what she must do. BUT you have total control over what you do. You can't sign her up for a nursing home, but you can decide who lives in your own house. You can go through appropriate steps, such as getting a social worker involved, help apply for financial aid if she needs it, and actually serve her eviction papers. You DO NOT need to allow her to live in your house.

I agree that it would be in many ways easier if she were in the hospital, and then you could refuse to bring her home. But you can refuse to have her live with you regardless of her health.

I think you may have been asking the attorneys the wrong question. You don't need to know how to force her into a particular living situation. You just need to know how to exert your right to determine who is living in your home.

And, of course, she can expect whatever she wants to expect. She can expect you to wait on her. But she cannot force it, can she? Are you enabling her selfish behavior by rewarding her demands?

This is your husband's mother. Is he willing to do what is necessary to have her removed from your home? If not, then you have some tough decisions. If he is, then there really are things you can do, whether she goes to a hospital or not. They will take a while to accomplish. The sooner you set them in motion, the sooner they will be finished.

Read ALL my posts! My 98 year old MIL finally died in my house after abusing me physically and emotionally for 17 years! Your spouse will be the major deterrent to you escaping her abuse. Mine did NOTHING! I was the caregiver for my husband, my stepmother, my father, my MIL and FIL all at the same time. My MIL knocked out 5 of my teeth! She beat me with her walker! I had bruises all over my body. She had combative dementia. When she finally died, last July, all I could think of is, "Ding Dong! The wicked witch is dead!" Good luck! You are going to need it. All the social workers will do is try to get you to keep her. One less person to worry about for them. Her doctors won't help...been through all of that. Death is your only friend. I hope she doesn't kill you first.

No one ever liked the truth here before. Many got highly bent out of shape because I spoke the ugly truth. UGLY is IS! I especially like the ones that insist God doesn't give us more than we can handle. They have obviously not been hit in the balls with a shovel. Not yet. Let us prey.

I don't know if you can find my similar story on here...but the very short version is that my MIL arrived uninvited to our home too, when her daughter dropped her off at the small hospital in their town, and announced rather loudly that she would not be caring for her anymore! She then turned around and walked out--leaving Mom with the clothes on her back; her purse hanging in the crook of her arm...and holding her small dog on a leash! My husband drove SEVEN hours to pick her up (he is the only other child). Mom has dementia. She too, has been pleasant since she arrived 9 months ago, but she burned a lot of bridges over the years, and HAD been especially nasty to all of the women in her family--including her daughter and I. Soooo...since I last posted, I have come up with a solution: Mom has X-amount of monies and we are trying to stretch it for her, so that she can live comfortably...and keep her dog, who is a source of comfort to her. She, of course does not want to go to assisted living & even if they would accept her dog, Mom doesn't remember to feed her anymore. We went to our County Permit Office and we are planning to add a "special care unit" to our property. In our county, this SCU can be a park model mobile; small mobile; or renovated garage apartment, etc. We found a darling 20X26 "tiny bungalow" doublewide mobile that we are in the process of getting permits for (the dealer is doing the footwork for us). It is a one bedroom with bath/ walk-in shower; galley kitchen that a walker can negotiate; and has a living/dining combined. I am a nurse case manager for our local Area Agency on Aging, so I will find it LESS stressful to have Mom 35 feet away, (and out of my house) with care providers coming in once a day M-F (for 2-3 hours) to assist her with bathing; lunch; and light housework. It will be less stressful for her too...she'll have her own little home to putter around in; she will have her privacy (she is a loner, so this has been stressful for her); AND she'll regain some independence. (By the way---the stove will NOT be plugged in! She'll use the microwave). :)

Whenever I see these three letters.. MIL... on these posts I know that there is someone else on the same floor as me, in h***.

Fedupnow - I didn't think anything could make me laugh rigt now, but you did, you cracked me up. Too many of us hesitate to say how we really feel.

First of all, since this is your husband's parent, you and he must be in total agreement with your course of action because you may have to make some hard choices. Contact her doctor and your local Office of Aging. You are not legally responsible to care for her; tell her doctor and the Office of Aging that you can NO longer care for her - it is detrimental to your and your husband's health. Tell the doctor you need a comprehensive diagnosis of her condition asap; tell the Office of Aging you need a plan of action right now; or you will walk away and leave her..or they'll have 3 cases on their hands instead of just one.. (sigh) Sometimes you have to be prepared to push really hard, but this is YOUR life and you did not volunteer for this. Be strong!

You should not be the care taker of your mil. Find elder appt assisst living. I regret moving my mother in. She is on a waiting list for low income elderly. I concur with every ones comments

I thought my story was unique - little did I know, so many others are just like us. You can see my other posts. Got a call a little over a year ago, come pick up MIL in AZ (we are in CA), her son is going to jail. We picked her up, she hadn't had a shower in months, she smelled, rags for clothes, etc. Well, that was a year ago, and she's treated like a queen now. All new clothes, hair, nails, etc. She's had a stroke 13 yrs. ago and is paralyzed on one side. We have a two story home and all our rooms are upstairs, and she's permanently in a wheelchair. We decided to build onto our home, a room and fully accessible handicap bathroom, roll in shower. Had to take money our of 401K. My husband and I are only 49 - we didn't ask for this and were not ready for it. We have 2 teenagers. MIL's 2 other children are losers and want nothing to do with her. Anyway, I wish we had time to think this out. I TOTALLY REGRET HAVING HER HERE. I work full time and am primary caregiver - no outside help.I don't want help, I want her out. I'm not comfortable in my own home anymore. Although she is a sweet lady, I avoid her, and resent her for doing this to us. I know it's wrong. We should have put her in a nursing home where she belongs. I have constant anxiety and my husband and I are always fighting about this.

i don't have a MIL - which i read these posts to figure out what the h*** mil was. but i have been taking care of my parents for the past 12 years. Last June 2013 i had to move home due to financial reasons of always running to the hospital and nursing home in 2011 did me in. I am emotionally tired and exhausted. My is with it for the most part mentally but physically she is unable and has to be hoyer lifted. My Dad is a COPD patient and i think after reading some of these posts combative dementia. There is an argument at least once a week with him over the care of my mother or what he thinks i said that i did not say but there is no one who knows in his book except him. yesterday's argument came to him trying to full body push me out of the doorway to my mothers room. On one hand it is good that i stood my ground and did not let him succeed but on the other hand if i had not he would have been laying on the floor and hurt from the fall. As a result i ache today and am covered with bruises from him slamming things that hit me. i am not sure what to do anymore. signed Tired in Ohio.