Help with mother-in-law in late stages of Alzheimer's. Any advice?

Surprise. An excellent post.

One of the tricks I've read about is to cut off Depends with bandage scissors - they have a short end over the longer blade, not sharp, but do a great job. Then have her wear a housedress on top of the depends. We just made the switch with my mother - I had to take all her panties away from her or she would pull them out of the garbage and wear those instead of her Depends. (I found them for $0.45 each at Amazon). You might have to take away all her pants too, say they are in the wash when she asks. But just like with babies, it's easier to access the poopie when they are wearing a gown.

The other issue is compliance. When you talk to your toddler, you command him gently, You have to do that with MIL now, because she is a child mentally.

Finally, the eating issue. You will find great relief when she goes on hospice (free, part of medicare), and they can go on and off hospice numerous times depending on condition. The service will come to the house, wash her and help you all learn what the body is doing as it winds down. Losing weight is one of the requirements before going on hospice Not only is is a normal part of dementia, but it shows the end is near. If she refuses food, it's ok - it means she is not hungry, and that is part of the way we are designed to come to an end. It would be so much better for her to maintain some dignity before she goes, rather than to be trapped inside her useless body that can't walk, move, or tell you she's hurting. That's a DNR / PLOST order is so important - when the Lord calls her home, you don't want to be in His way and block His will by making her stay here longer. God bless you as you assist in this noble cause!

We will have no choice to get help. I don't know how I will manage changing her or feeding her and a one year old. I try to do as much as I can so father in law is not so stressed. He is a diabetic and his Dr told him his sugar was high from the stress of it. She used the bathroom on herself just hours ago and Its a fight for her to cooperate. I speak plain, slow, happy and I still had to pretty much make her sit down to change her. I couldn't get her to lift her foot up for nothing. I read and read and it dont seem to help my case. I guess trial and error?
Is there an easier way to get them to brush their teeth? My father in law expressed how hard it was for him to get it done.
How can I do things without her getting angry with me?( like change her underwear and pants)

Try not to give nefarious motives to someone with dementia or Alzheimer's. They do what they do because it's what feels good. Sometimes they do things because they're mad. That's allowed.

Does your FIL have some money to spare? If he does, he needs to part with some of it. I think this is the most common failure of families: not wanting to spend any money to help themselves, their family caregivers or their loved ones.
Tell your FIL to get someone in to clean the house if he can't do it. Call senior social services and see how much Meals on Wheels would cost and what other services might be available to them either free or at greatly reduced cost. Mom had a lady cleaning her home and doing laundry for 2 hours every other week for a total of $48 for the month. She had Meals on Wheels for $5 a day.

It doesn't sound as if your MIL should be alone. Please. Call your local police department for the phone number for senior services in your area. They will send someone out to interview her and the family, evaluate her and see what services they might provide to ease your burden.

She is never alone. It has been that way for years. She started wandering so we made sure someone is always here. I live right beside them which makes it easy and hard at the same time. My father in law is getting lonely and wants to go out more but its hard for us to take her out. She just doesn't want to leave the house. She is only 65 and it seems young to me for her to be this far along. would the cholesterol meds make her not want to eat? I didn't think of that. Thanks.

She should NOT be alone anymore. Her lack of appetite could be medications or it could be the body starting to shut down. Her MD would make the determination, so call him.

They were just at the Dr Thursday. She takes a cholesterol med and risperidone to calm her. He gave it to her yesterday and she fell. She is unstable anyway anda side effect is dizzyness. Not sure if it was the drug or not. Health care proxy? I'm only 29 and new to all the terms. Ask me anything about babies I will probably know the answer but elderly terms are beyond me at this point.

What medication is she taking? Too many? or not enough? or the wrong meds. Call the MD and review her behavior with him. Make sure Dad has a Health Care Proxy and you do too. It might be a good idea to get her into a hospital for a full evaluation and medication adjustment.

We are considering getting assistance with her. Not just on days when I am here alone but days for my father law too. She was always a neat and tidy person so he never had to clean up. Now I am trying to take care of two houses. It is challenging when she won't eat or take anything I offer. She does not eat much when she does eat. Does any one know if that is part of it or just stubbornness because her husband isn't home? I'm not sure but it stresses me knowing she has not eaten in hours.

Sorry: *mother-in-law

You are a very loyal wife and daughter-in-law and it sounds like you may need an extra set of hands on the days you are with her. Can you bring in a caregiver for a few hours on those days? Maybe you can get away with the kids during that time. Or find a babysitter for the kids and take a few hours to yourself.

There are 3 of you caring for your mom and even then I'm sure it's challenging. On the days when you're alone with her I think you need some professional assistance.