Follow
Share

We brought my MIL to live with us a little over a year ago. She has a lot of little aches and pains that the doctors are attributing to old age. She has started groaning and moaning more each day and often talks about dying and she will not be here much longer. Any suggestions on how to talk to her about this?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
Ask Hospice to come in and evaluate her. If she is faking, believe me, their presence will jolt her upright and alert immediately. Instant recovery.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Of course your MIL thinks and talks about dying. The suggestion above are very helpful. Was it her choice to come and live with you? maybe this is the only way she sees out of her current living situation. Not that I am suggesting you are doing anything wrong or unkind, but as one gets older alone time is more important and comming from peace and quiet to the bustle of family life can be very disturbing. Loving grandchildren are fine in small doses but constant noise causes great disorientation even in the most mentally stable person. So honor MILs feelings some may be correct premonitions or spiritual messages or plain manipulation to have her own way. If she has always been manipulative well she is not going to change now but at 90 she has earned some respect. if she is actively causing distress in your home consider relocating her but don't ignore the possibility of plain old depression.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Does she behave like this when she is out or with non family? My mum of the same ae has a public face and a domestic one, the domestic one is attention seeking.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I guess I'd think she is serious about something, whether that is needing attention or being frightened or something else, I don't know. I wouldn't be too concerned that death is imminent.

I'd take advantage of her preoccupation with dying to get some planning done. "Mom, we are all dying. That is the natural course of life ... we get closer to our death every day. At your age you are probably closer than I am. Let's talk about your funeral or memorial service." Find out what her preferences are. Does she have a will? Are her affairs in order?

and ... "Mom, I hope we have you with us for years yet. Is there anything you've always wanted to see or do, that we could do now, before it is too late? Would you like to visit your sister? Haven't you always talked about seeing Mount Rushmore?" (Only suggest things that are possible, of course.) Talking about living before she dies might be more pleasant for both of you. Focus on "What do you want to do in the time you have left?"

Don't argue about whether she is or isn't dying. Respect her perception. Just move it in a useful direction.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Well since I hear it every single day for the past 11years I just tell her Oh Ok.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

My experience tells me to take it seriously
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I am not sure what to think either. My Dad thought he was dying but only hinted at it indirectly, and was gone 5 hours later. My 92 yr. old Mom has been saying this for for almost 9 months now since she fell and became bedridden, and she is not the attention seeking type. It seems more like she wants the rehab and medical people to just leave her be or to understand her, but they just ignore the dying talk and try to send her to more specialists. In small talk I mentioned to the physical therapist that our neighbor had passed away and he got a scared look on his face and looked at my Mom like I shouldn't be saying that in front of her like she is a child or something. My Mom does not have Alzheimers or dementia. She just laughed and said she doesn't understand how some people can't deal with reality. I really am not sure what to believe after 9 months of hearing this and the medical people or physical therapists just getting fearful blank looks on their faces. I am confused, but have seen experience tell me to heed this talk in the past.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter