Mother-in-law cries and is so very sad. Any advice? - AgingCare.com

Mother-in-law cries and is so very sad. Any advice?

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She has been in nursing home for two years, she has never adjusted and cries most of the time and begs her children to take her home. It is so very sad, she just sits and hold my hand and lays her head on you, like she needs hugged. I was a caregiver for my husband till I couldn't move him in bed. I am thinking of bringing her to my home and see how she does. She is going down and I think she will die of a broken heart. Any advise? She is on medication for depression.

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maymember the treatment of depression needs to be individualized for each patient and should be done by a psychiatrist. Do not expect fast results from any changes. you have a lot of other problems and medications so make sure whoever is treating you knows exactly which other drugs are prescribed for you plus vitamins nad herbal supple,ents. This is not a job for a primary care physician so ask for a referal. you can do a lot of the leg work yourself by looking up your current medications, the side effects and interactions.
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On the topic of depression, I would like to know through others' experiences, what rx for depression works best for a caretaker...and what rx for depression works best for the Alzheimer's patient...Right now I take Escitalopram...I give myAlzheimer husband Pamelor. I realize I will need to experience or try other types in order to find one better suited for me. Since my husband was diagnosed three years ago, I have had a mastectomy, a vericose vein explosion, cancerous moles, and dealing with two other elderly people whom I have Power of Attorney for . I also have been taken off of Coumadin and put on Xalerto. (10mg) due to Pulmonary Embolism. Since my mastectomy I have been put on Armidex (1mc) which is an estrogen blocker, and I take 1000 mg of calcium and 1000mg of Vit.D. I want to stay as healthy as possible....But I would like some comments..Marymember..I think I need a different depression medication..
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What are her other ailments. besides depression?

Many people with dementia want to leave the place where they are, but it is not really a physical location they have in mind ... it is back to the good ol' days when they were in their right minds and the world made sense. If that is what someone wants, changing locations is not apt to solve the longing.
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I don't know what her needs are, but I would consider all of that before moving her in with you and your husband. Providing full time care for someone can involve working 24 hours per day. She is likely to need much help with feeding, bathing, dressing, medication doses, medical appointments, etc. And after doing all of that, she may still be unhappy.

Has she been evaluated? What is her primary ailment? If it's dementia or depression, she may not be properly medicated. It seems odd that she would appear that sad if she was properly medicated for depression. I would have that checked.

And Babalou is right. I would find out what she's like when you are not around. Could you arrive when she's doing some activities when she doesn't see you are there and observe her with others? You might see that she is fine when you're not there.

If you still wanted to try it, you might take her home for weekends, though, I would be cautious to do that. If her being in your home is not a good fit and then you have to return her, it could be a bad scene.
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It is a wonderful thought but don't jump in too quickly. Why not take her out to stay overnight and see how that goes. Maybe she could come to your home for weekends and that would give her something to look forward to all week. My point it that it is possibly not the nursing home that is causing her sadness. Is your husband completely on board with this idea? How has your relationship been with MIL over the years? Lots of things to consider. Hugs
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I would ask the staff what she's like when you're not around. Does she participate in activities? You also need to consult with the doctor who is prescribing the antidepressant and report the continual sadness.
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You are a wonderful, generous person. If you feel in your heart that this is the right thing to do then go for it. I highly commend you.
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My husband and I have been taking care of my Dad in our home for over 2yrs. There are good days and not so good days. Being an almost obsessive compulsive planner I usually need to know exactly what's gunna happen. With Alzheimers that's not happening. Every day it's something different. I've told my siblings I will do it for as long as I can. So give it a try. When he smiles at me and I see him secure in his daily routine, I know I'm doing the right thing. You will make a difference in her life and after it's all over, when she is laid to rest, you will be assured you have done your best and there will be no regrets. God bless you and your family.
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What are her medical problems? Can you cope with them? Does she have money to purchase skilled help to give you breaks? That said, I would take her to your home. What else is life for but to help each other. I feel you would be doing a wonderful, generous, and loving thing. After two years she will never adjust to a nursing home.
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