My mother-in-law is making my life h*ll. Any advice?

Riya, I'm with MaggieMarshall on this one. The real problem is your husband. He needs to put his foot down pronto. Mom would be out and back to her own home in a New York minute if he would not let her be the tyrant. Why does he let this continue? We only get one life. Why allow yours and his be so miserable? You are never going to change her. She is what she is. Do something today.

Riya, the answers you have been getting are from a North American viewpoint. Here, no that behavior is NOT right. But I can't say what is expected in India.

I am a widow. I am healthy. There is NO WAY it would be right for me to live in my son's home and make demands and be judgmental. It would not be right for me to be rude to my daughter-in-law whether I lived with her or not.

If you lived in Indiana and not in India I would not hesitate to tell you that your Mother in Law should move out NOW and that if your husband won't arrange that you should think long and hard about whether to stay in that marriage.

But I can't tell you what is "right" in India.

It is not that family don't live with each other here. One son and one step-daughter are living in my house. They pay rent and for food, and that income allows me to afford to continue to keep the house. We respect each other. There are never rude words spoken. We each do the tasks we've agreed to. I clean the windows whenever I think they need cleaning and if one of them doesn't like that they are welcome to clean the windows themselves! :) I "wait on" them for dinner, because providing meals is something they are paying me for. (I love cooking.) I don't wait on them for anything else.

We each go where we want to and when. We tell each other when we will be gone, for meal planning purposes, but I don't expect either of them to take me with them. Nor would I always want them with me! We do things together sometimes because we like to. But just because I am a widow doesn't make them responsible for my entertainment!

I am just trying to explain that the North American attitude is not that different generations of family can't live together. It is that one family member is not expected to wait on others, and in no circumstances (among healthy people) is rudeness acceptable.

(And here, generally for a son to call his mother 3 times a day while he is vacationing with his wife would be considered excessive and maybe not quite healthy. But I have no idea how it is viewed in India.)

That sounds like a nightmare. Is your MIL from a culture where the daughter-in-law is expected to wait on her hand and foot? Does she live with you? Why won't she go back to her house?
You need to have a talk with your husband. It's his mother, his problem. Tell him you're tired from working full-time and you want to spend weekends doing things with him, and not cleaning windows. I'm afraid that if your husband doesn't have your back on this you're going to be in for a rough ride, especially if he won't man up and put his wife and his marriage first.

If your husband were very supportive, your mother-in-law wouldn't be living with you. Your problem may manifest itself in your MIL; but your real problem is your husband.

Thanks for the reply :)... She has messed up our life.. She is really very dominating.. n very Rude even with her son. But touchwood my husband is very supportive. If we get an opportunity to go abroad , she is not Ok with that. She behaves as though she is the only woman who has the son. To gain his attention, she will be acting always. I m really shocked. How can a mother be like this? She is so possessive about him , that even if we are talking in our bedroom , she will ask what's the matter (ex. if we are laughing for some joke). Mental Torture is more.... And she is 2 faced. In front of my husband and others , she behaves very nicely with me. and hides her

Not enough information here to make much useful comment. How old is MIL, does she have illnesses, dementia or physical impairments? What cultural issues are there? Is your hubs ok with all of this? How far away is her home? Can she live there with help? What brought her to your home in the first place? Are there other family members to support her and help?

Actually she is a Widow. She says what will I do at native. I will stay here with you both. I know the reason , she is possessive and doesn't want her son to be completely mine. She want to stay her and judge us.

Yes we are from India.... My husband has spoke to her . Her house is in different city. She behaves as though she is the only lady who has given birth, and keep on torturing us. If v go for 2 day holiday, she want my husband to call her frequently... thrice a day... If he doesn't do so, she will blast him...She says "I am alone here. and u both are enjoying there..." Is this Right????

Suttee is illegal now, isn't it?

Ah well, that rules that answer out then.

Joking aside, Riya, how old are you? How long have you been married? And - if you don't mind my asking - was your MIL happy with how you and your husband met and married?

I am 27 yrs old and married since 2 years.... ours is Love marriage.... Initially, I tried to take care of her , in return got rude reply from her. and now pretending to be nice in front of others, Just to show them how nice she is.... She is 2 faced lady....