6 months ago we moved in with my mother in law because her dementia had gotten to the point where she can no longer take care of herself properly. I was hesitant in doing so because of the possibility of having to have her placed in a care facility, and having to sell her house to pay for it, leaving us up a creek without a paddle. She has been verbally abusive since day one but I'm able to brush it off no big deal. Recently she has been getting violent. Throwing a bowl of ice-cream and hitting me in the face with it because I asked her not to feed it to the dog, pushing me against the wall for what ever reason, screaming at my 8 year old because she asked her not to lock the back door because we were still out there, then today she started screaming at her because she said she hadn't lived in this house for 60 years. So I calmly told my daughter to go to her room then ask ML not to scream at my daughter like that and she went off. I tried to calm her down and she hit me across the face with a back scratcher and almost knocked me over. After that I locked me and my daughter in my room until my husband got home. Once he got there she started going off on him and tried to stab him with a big kitchen knife. I don't want to leave him here with her alone but at the same time I have to protect our daughter and myself. We're looking at memory care facilities but everything is out of our price range. I don't know what to do at this point.
Dementia patients have been known to injure or kill staff and residents without proper intervention or medication. Next time this happens, dial emergency and tell them you have an elderly person that is displaying violent and strange behavior. Tell the paramedics to take this person to the hospital. Tell the social worker that you will no longer be taking care of this person.
If that's the case do call EMS for mom to be transported to hospital next episode. There refer her case to the social workers so she can safely be placed in in-facility care and medicated. Her dementia has apparently progressed to an end-stage point. They will assess her electrolytes and her urine to be certain there is no imbalance and no infection. She will need to be placed in care.
Your Mom can access governmental assistance in care costs when her liquid assets are spent down; social workers can give you an idea how this works. She can keep a home and a car and a designated amount of money, the rest of her funds--SS and the like--will go to the care facility. When she is gone Medicaid will have a lien on the sale of her home and recover costs when it is sold.
You simply do not know what is going on in the brain of someone whose brain is dying. They are literally capable of murder.
No one , especially your child should not be living there . None of you are safe .
First call 911 to get the mother taken to the hospital to see if there is a UTI or some other medical issue exacerbating the problem . Meds can also be given for behavior and her outbursts.
You are not equipped to handle this . Your mother in law needs a memory care facility . Forget about preserving the house .
And I don't understand your last sentence where you say that you "don't know what to do at this point."
The first thing you do is pack your bags and get the hell out of your MIL's house. And if for some unknown reason you can't get out quite yet, at least move your daughter to another family members house so she doesn't have to endure this nonsense, and be scarred for life, until you and your husband can move as well.
And then you call APS and report a violent woman living by herself with dementia and let them come out and take over care and get her placed if necessary. And if money is an issue, your MIL will have to apply for Medicaid, as you and your husband should NOT spend one penny of your own money on her care as you need your money for you and your immediate family.
What you are subjecting your young daughter is abuse no ifs ands or buts, and it's up to you her mother to protect her. How very sad that your daughter has to live in such fear all because her mom and dad made a poor mistake in moving in with her grandma.
So get her out now, and you and your husband follow shortly thereafter. And then call APS.
If you and your husband can’t get her out immediately, send your daughter to live somewhere else. In fact, you go too. You are in danger for your lives. Let husband handle it. She’s his mother.