Mother-in-law (89) falling consistently causing injury. Any advice?

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Brother in law refuses to listen to suggestions for her or stop her driving. Help. Mother in law last week broke shoulder due to fall. She claims she slipped in wet place, Her finances are a mess due to buying "cancer cures", and other herbs and magazines for health cure quackery, which one doctor said she shouldn't take with prescribed meds. Brother in law refuses to take them away. She thinks homeless people were sleeping in her locked car. At one point she changed chimney lines (over $300 each time), swore that she "smelled" carbon monoxide, just as she smelled it in my home, other sons home, and cars. HELP!

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Update...took mother in law to doctor yesterday for broken shoulder. FIRST TIME TO DOCTOR SINCE THE INJURY! The hospital treated her initially. This doctor was great! She could barely fill out papers, got confused on birthdate etc. Cannot walk at all eithout help, and almost fell several times trying to get her in and out of car. I asked the doctor when she could safely drive, and he looked at me STUNNED! He said, and I quote "you need two good arms to drive, and you will not have much use of this one from now on. We dont want you running over some kid on a bike!". He then looked me in the eyes and asked ne if I understand what he is saying! I said yes and so we need help with tnis! The condition of her house is a fall hazard, she is so weak, and she is cofusing doctor appointments now. She told me yesterday she enjoyed wkrking for the drug strike force and busting 4 meth labs in the neighborhood...delusion, never happened. I called regular doctor and relayed all this information in hopes they will both let dmv she needs her drivers license pulled. Found out btother in law DOES have copies of durable power of attorney paers, so they are in effect. He has been neglecting to do his job and doing what is in her best interests. Motber in law stated to doctor she will drive again when arm heals...we have 5 or 6 weeks to put that plan DOWN!!! She should not be living by herself either, so family needs to make arrangements now. My husband plans to speak to his brother about the issues.
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freqflyer the brother in law brought my mother in law back home yesterday. The oldest son is now there "to help out". Yeah right, when my husband went down today to check on her his brother that was there was getting drunk...as usual. He basically will be there to make sure she eats, and will be able to call for help if she falls. He has no drivers license, claims he just decided to let it go, but truth is he probably got it removed for DWI. No, mother in law has NOT gone to a doctor since her injury!!! I spoke to her twice today and told her to make all needed appointments, and I will take her to them. She goes to bone doctor this Wednesday morning. I will be oing down and doing some laundry, and asked her permission to do some housework she really is not able to do. She does have some pain she said. She has Benders home health care going to come in a few times a week to help her bathe etc. I guess we just sit around and wait for the next emergency since the brother in law gets mad if you suggest she needs more care. I did call her primary doctor today to GIVE information, not receive. Let them know I think they need to evaluate and see if there could be a cause for all these recent falls, then help her. I hope they will listen to me. Thank you all for responses.
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dispatcher, thanks for giving us more information.... oh my gosh you have 2 challenges, your Mom-in-law and your Brother-in-law. Now if only your Bro-in-law could see the light, that would be a huge help having him in your corner when dealing with Mom-in-law. Of course she will like that son because he gives into her. Sounds like he is afraid to see Mom aging.

As for her broken shoulder, the hospital or urgent care center will only take an x-ray... yep, shoulder is broken... put her into a sling, and send her home with the recommendation she see an Orthopedic doctor [hopefully she has scheduled one]. I am into my second month and have only one major exercise to do, plus when I am sitting down watching TV to loosen the sling and let my arm drop down so not to cause the elbow to freeze. All in all, it has been quite painful, and not much sleep. Dressing and showering is a royal pain, wonder how she is coping with that.
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I can't say this is typical behavior for Alz or dementia; however, my husband is acting in much the same fashion. WILL NOT stop driving and "there's nothing wrong with him - just old age creeping up."He has been diagnosed with moderate ALZ and will not goback to "that doctor" because "that doctor" doen't know what he is talking about
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Her own worst enemy, yes? Not much you can do, in my opinion. My MIL was like this, she yelled elder abuse whenever my husband tried to intervene. Eventually, bil who had been in denial about her dementia (favorite son) was allowed to accompany her to Dr appointments . And when she said she wanted to die, he allowed her to starve herself to death. No not pretty. But some people want what they want. Just don't let her take you down with her.
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If BIL won't come to his senses , which he probably won't until a disaster, you should consult an elder care attorney to see how to intervene on her behalf.
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Okay I will try to answer the questions asked of me here! I say she claimed to have slipped on wet surface because she knows she falls OFTEN, and just a few months ago she was not on wet floor, she just fell. EMT had to bust down basement door to get to her, because se refused to let my husband have a key for some reason. Brother in law is POA for everything. Yes my husband tried to talk to him about concerns, but brother in law gets angry and just want to let her alone to do what she wants! She had a diagnosis of dementia about 9 years ago, but brother in law denies it is correct. Husband went to doctor with brother in law when mom went, the doctor told them throw over the counter meds away as they were not good with prescribed meds. She agreed in the office but threw a raging fit when they got home and brother in law let her keep them all.We already tried Division of Aging and DMV to no avail, as brother in law has all control. There is an OATS bus that would take her where she wanted to go, but she adamantly refuses so brother in law lets her drive even though he refuses to ride with her and wouldn't allow his grandkid in her car. My husband and I agreed to take over a lot of responsibility since we live closer, like taking her to doctor, doing grocery shopping etc. She will have none of it, like I said she nly wants THAT sons attention. The emergency room apparently just simply released her after ambulance took her there for broken shoulder. She is currently mending at brother in laws home, then e plans to let her go back home where she lives alone! She refuses to use a cane, and uses a flimsy broom for support. She refuses to stop going up and down stairs in 2 story home with basement stairs as well. No she does not wear good footwear, refuses. She screamed about having help with check book and credit cards, brother in law gave in. There is my dilemma. We want to help, but we also want safety issues addressed for her best interests. There is no inheritance to speak of, so that is not the issue. Her house is a mess needing repairs, but none of us can afford to be honest.
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dispatcher, sorry to hear that your Mom-in-law has a broken shoulder, she will be grounded from driving for the next couple of months because of that until the shoulder completely heals, so the family will need to make plans to drive Mom to her doctor appointments, groceries, etc. And as Jessie mentioned above, try to find an alternate form of transportation for her.

I am curious why you wrote "claims she slipped in wet place".... falling on pavement at her age will cause serious injury to a bone as when we age our bones become more brittle. Recently I took a tumble in a parking lot, broke my shoulder and I am 20 years younger than your Mom-in-law. Make sure your Mom-in-law is wearing sensible shoes because part of my fall had to do with the sandals I was wearing.

As for your Mom-in-law roaming through magazines for health cures, why not locate a doctor who is not only board-certified interest but also board-certified in holistic or eastern medicine.... that way she has the best of both worlds for her individual needs.
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This is your husbands mother? What's he doing about the situation? Can he go man to man with his brother and make some changes? I would not let myself become the worrier in chief about my inlaws. Help, support, care, absolutely, but people, including men, need to take care of their own parents. Maybe your hubby is on top of things. I don't mean to jump to conclusions. Is BIL POA, legal guardian? Who's in the drivers seat? You are probably dealing with some level of dementia and it's only going to get worse. If you haven't done so all ready learn about dementia on this site and also check out all the horror stories of wives getting in law care dumped on them.
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Hopefully she was discharged to rehab with her shoulder? If she is in a facility or hospital, get over there and tell the social worker you don't think she's safe at home and to please get someone to order a psych eval for dementia. Tell them the things you have said here. These delusions are typical for dementia.

What part does BIL play in her care? Is he/his wife POA? Are you? Someone needs to be so they can get on her checking account as POA *have to do this in person* and take the checkbook!
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