MIL is driving me over the edge. How do I deal? - AgingCare.com

MIL is driving me over the edge. How do I deal?

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I have been the primary caregiver for my mil for about 11 years now. Husband and I were divorced, decided to get back together and he was living with her after her husband died. So I moved in with them and didn't have an issue with taking care of her. But now, its a different story. She is 76, diabetic and has copd. She does have severe neoropathy in her legs. She was in a nursing home app. 6 years ago. At first the family decided she should stay there (this was after a long hosp. stay). I just could not leave her there. I talked with her 2 kids (my husband and his sister) and they agreed, so we went and got her. HUGE mistake. Since then, she has gotten progressively dependent on me. She refuses to move from her bed. She is capable of walking, she finds excuse after excuse why she will not walk. She sits in her room and hollers for everything. Even for someone to adjust her air conditioner which is litteraly 2 ft. from her. She wears depends and virtually uses them as a portable toilet. She goes through a pack of 12 in a 24 hr. period. She says the urine just flopws out of her when she stands up. I told her if that was the case shed be in the hospital. Her doctor knows all this. There is nothing wrong with her. She actually has 6 children, but only 2 talk to her. They had a lousy childhood. She expects everyone to cater to her every need. She has even lied to nurses and papamedics about me just to try and get attention. So by law, they have to report the things she says to APS. They did show up once and they could show up again at any time because of a lie she told her nurse. She told her that we dont feed her, dont change her bed or clean her clothes or room and that we steal her money. Needless to say, all of these things are lies. And please, do not say "older people tend to do that". If she acted this way because of age, I could deal with that. This is not age related because this woman has been this way all her life. She thinks the world owes her something. And Im just scratching the surface about all the things she does. Ive taken care of her more than my own mother who had cancer, and passed away a little over a year ago, and then my Dad had a stroke. Hes doin great, but Ive got a hell of a load and I think Im at my breaking point. Sorry to ramble, but I honestly dont know what to do. My husband does help when he gets home from work, but its taking its toll on him too. We dont know if we can legally move out. Any suggestions? Thank you

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I am always amazed at how some of the aged become so manipulative and selfish. First off, you are not a slave nor a door mat---you need some backbone woman! Tell her she is too much for you to care for and bring out a suitcase---tell her you are packing her things and she is going to a care facility where she will get adequate care . I am amazed you dance to her tune all the while. If she has been this way all her life, you should know this by now. If you give her control, which seems to be the case, she will use it. Tough love, my dear.
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I strongly suggest you move out and move her into a nursing home. If she refuses to go to the nursing home - move out anyway. Then check on her in a week and call APS. She is treating you and your husband like servants - and I bet it's not going to get any better. Yes older people tend to expect help sometimes, but this is way beyond help in my opinion. Good luck!!!
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