MIL has had some health issues however she was recently diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. She’s in her late fifties. My main concern is her care. My husband and I are currently living in separate countries. I am working on getting him here but that process can take a while sometimes. Things kinda hit the fan with MIL late last year when she tried to hurt herself. She had to stay at the mental health hospital for a while until she was no longer a danger to herself. I had taken some time off from work to support my husband when that occurred since he doesn’t have anyone else around to help out. It was a difficult time while I was there. Seeing someone you care about going through delusions and paranoia is not easy. With meds however, she has been getting better over time. I am not entirely sure if it has anything to do with her condition but she has this weird obsession with her son. She always wants to be in his presence. If he does go out on his own, she calls constantly, she tried to control his every move while I was there. Just no form of privacy. She didn’t like when he was spending time with me either. She got jealous of that (his words, he told me).
Recently we’ve been talking about future plans and I asked him what were his plans for his mom when he eventually leaves. He informed me he plans on getting an in home caregiver for her however she’s refusing one. She has also refused therapy even though we would be covering the costs. I guess what’s kinda hurtful to me as well is that she’s telling him she doesn’t want him to leave.. He’s leaving to be with his wife, why is that an issue? It’s not like he would be leaving her to fend for herself. Now, I already told my husband that if she does move here I do not want her living in our house. Am I selfish for wanting that?? He agreed as well but knowing her she’s gonna want to push it. I heard her commenting one time that she’s gonna have to leave with him when that time comes.
Here is what I found
"Yes, mental health conditions like schizophrenia can potentially make it more difficult to immigrate to the US, but it's not a complete barrier. Immigration law can exclude individuals with mental disorders, particularly if they pose a potential threat to themselves or others, or have a history of harmful behavior. However, there are waivers and other avenues for individuals to overcome these barriers, especially if they can demonstrate that their condition is well-managed and unlikely to lead to future harmful behavior."
Does she already have whatever documents she would need to travel? Passport, visa, REAL ID (if relevant)? If not, your husband can just arrange for the in-home caregiver and leave, and she would not be able to follow.
I hope the two of you can sort this out and get your marriage back together. Let us know how it goes.
Good luck!
I can see this turning into a nightmare if she moves in with you.
Your husband will be responsible for supporting her. (I would say "you" would be responsible but I think this is not a burden that should be placed on you)
Will you have income, I should say will he have enough income to support her as well? AND given her age that support may be for the next 30 years. (yes you read THIRTY YEARS)
You do not mention what country he/she are from. But he may feel a cultural obligation to take her into his house and care (meaning you care for her) and support her.
And no she does not want "another woman" in her home. And you are the other woman. And if she resides with you and your husband no matter where it is, no matter how many times you move if she is there it WILL be HER home.
You do not say how long you have been married
I assume he is /they are, leaving another country and moving to the USA this, given current climate may take a VERY long time.
Just prepare yourself for a hostile MIL, one that will probably never warm up to you, one that will think of you as "lesser"
Sorry not painting a pretty picture here.
OH...If you are working do not quit to care for her.
Do not quit because he does not think his wife should work.
PLEASE keep a separate account for yourself that has YOUR money in the account.
We’ve been married for almost three years, known each other since high school but we haven’t had a chance yet to experience life together as a married couple and I would not want his mom intruding on that. Thanks for the advice!