Mother-in-law becoming a burden. What can I do? -

Mother-in-law becoming a burden. What can I do?


I quit my job to take care of my husbands mom. She was just recently diagnosed with Parkinson's. I can't even began to explain my feelings. I don't even understand these feelings. I pray everyday and ask God for wisdom, guidance, etc.. But it just seems like I go right back to the feeling of anger. Can any one help. I feel like she is a burden to us. I miss my husband I won't time with him. We have a caregiver that comes tue and thur. I wish I could afford to have her all week but I can't. I'm also a college student as well. I just feel like I should have said no to taking on this responsibility. I want to tell my husband how I feel but I don't won't to hurt him. We don't have any kids and we are use to living freely. Please help.

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I agree that you need to approach your husband about this. Give it a fair shot, just so that base is covered- you know, "but you haven't tried, given it a chance..." etc. But don't wait too long. This situation will only get harder and part of that is - it will get harder to get your MIL to accept moving to somewhere like Assisted Living. Even with Parkinson's she could have many years ahead of her - my uncle was diagnosed with Parkinson's in his 60's and he is now in his late 80's - not doing well at all but still here. If your MIL could develope some sense of independence- even in AL she would still have more of a sense of having her own life rather than living with you - dependent on your care. Of course that's just my opinion. Regardless, not everyone is designed to be a hands on caregiver and there is no shame in that. Being a care manager can be a much better fit for many and in the long run be more effective in that role.
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Quitting your job may not have been the best choice...unless you are independently wealthy. How will you have a retirement if you miss the income and savings from working?

You definitely need to tell your husband how you feel. This is HIS mother and he needs to be the one to step up and manage her care. Does she have assets that can be used to pay for assisted living? If not, she could apply for Medicaid and it would cover a nursing home. You could then still be the carer by visiting her and being her advocate but you would be able to work and save for your future, as well as save your marriage (which will be destroyed by this if you aren't open and honest about your feelings). Plus she will be getting round the clock care from many shifts of nurses...far better than a single person trying to take on that challenge.

Can you share more about her level of need of care? About why your husband dropped this in your lap? About why you are scared to tell him how you feel?

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Does your mother in law live with you and your husband or does she live in her own home?
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