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Neither seem to be her. She refuses to shower and wash her hair although she is physically able to do so on her own. She denies how many weeks she goes without (5 has been the max) and days she’s not having a good day or doesn’t feel well EVERY day; her excuses for not showering. She gets downright nasty about it. Do I need to hire a nurse? Can they really manage to get the job done? We tried a companion type caregiver but she quit after a couple of weeks because mom was so uncooperative. What’s next?? Both parents are living in my home but my dad has not been able to convince her either. So sad to see her like this.

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My mom does the same. When she lived with me, I asked her not to shower when she was alone in the house in case she fell. Well, she did it when I was gone and she fell. Luckily my son (autism spectrum in his 20s) was home. He had to jimmy the lock on the bathroom door and pick her up off the floor. He wrapped her in towels and got her to her bedroom, then phoned me. She wasn't hurt, but didn't want to shower after that. She insisted on taking sponge baths and using dry shampoo. She didn't smell - she knew I'd tell her if she did. When she went to live at memory care, they required her to shower and had someone in the room while she did. However, as her dementia has progressed, she has been vehement about not wanting to shower anymore - doesn't like wet hair, feels too cold, doesn't want the aide in the room, etc. I arranged for her hair to be washed by the hairdresser that comes to the facility once a week. I also told the aides that if they had trouble getting her to shower, to let me know. I sat down with mom and told her I wasn't taking her shopping or out to restaurants unless she was clean and she knew I meant it. She loves to get out, so that did the trick. If she forgets, the aides remind her that I won't be taking her out unless she has showered.
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Grab bars, a shower transfer bench, a hand held shower head, a non-slip bath mat, and a good heater can overcome a lot of a senior's shower objections and fears. I'm only 55 but I have a bad knee that doesn't want to bend when swollen enough to easily lift over the tub, so I have a grab bar I can hold to when entering/exiting. If your mother has any back, hip, or knee stiffness or balance issues, then getting into and out of the tub can be frighting. Ditto for standing while showering or closing your eyes for shampooing. My mother has back, hip, and knee problems and loves the slightly expensive transfer bench I purchased for her (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0184P0UZ2/, available elsewhere for less). Standard shower benches are available for about $80 new or for as little as $10 at a yard sale or in an online used item re-sale. My mother has stiffness and range of motion deficits in her shoulders that don't allow her to comfortably wash her hair anymore. If your mother has a similar problem, she may need help too.

As far as timing between showers, if you can get your mother to sign a shower "log" or a calendar on days she takes a shower, she may become more aware of the number of days between showers.
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You do not need a nurse to help bathe her. A CNA or other person that is trained to deal with people with Dementia. There are ways that they can get people to cooperate.
There are many reasons a person does not like to shower.
Fear of falling or slipping
Not remembering how to shower, there are a lot of steps to taking a shower and washing.
The head and torso are vulnerable areas and that is where the water hits you so it can be frightening.
It is also very loud in the shower, the water makes noise, the bathroom usually echos a bit. (I used to turn the water off when showering my Husband. I would get him wet, turn off the water, wash him all the while talking quietly then turn the water on again)
A shower bench or chair might help. I used to buy walkers at resale shops and he would hold on the "shower walker" before we transitioned to the shower chair.
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