I am learning that denial can be dangerous. I live with my boyfriend & his elderly parents who I refer to as my in-laws since my boyfriend & I are practically married. My boyfriend & I are 35 and his mother is 74 and his father is 80. His father has had various health issues for years including cardiac issues/strokes. The strokes had never left him w/any visible permanent damage. However, we're now discovering that there may have been more damage than previously thought. I am disabled w/an autoimmune disease & a Parkinson's-like movement disorder. I use a wheelchair and I am home with his parents 24/7 but I'm pretty independent for my condition though I sometimes need assistance for some small things. I clean up after his parents since they will leave things all over the house/dirty dishes all over the kitchen so I make sure that the chores are kept up with. His mother has shown signs of dementia for a while now. She repeats the same sentence give times in a five minute period & will completely forget conversations that we just had. She misplaces objects in weird areas & becomes agitated over the slightest issues. Her way of dealing w/any issue is screaming at us until we stop talking about it. She has various health issues such as diarrhea at least 4 times a day, everyday, and absolutely refuses to go to the doctor. If we even mention her going, she screams at us & used her husband's health issues as an excuse to not have time.
Last winter, her husband gradually stopped eating. He has type II diabetes and has always eaten very unhealthily & we had to try & limit his junk food intake. At first we thought it may be his diabetes medication that was causing a loss in appetite. He then started conplaining about the feeling of food "not wanting to go down." His doctor sent him for an upper GI test along with swallow testing. All came back negative. He became fixated on symptoms and would think that something very bad was happening to him. The next few months went by & it was becoming increasingly difficult to get him to eat and even drink. His weight plummeted from 190 to 145 I'm a three month period. His doctor had more scans of his stomach and other tests. All came back negative. His brain MRI showed his history of strokes but no damage that would suddenly cause this. Then he started falling often also saying stories that he fell when he didn't. His wife began screaming at him on a daily basis all day that he was making up his symptoms & screaming at him to eat. He began to urinate himself & would refuse to shower until we would all but force him. He became so weak from not eating, his wife would be screaming at him and making excuses for all of his behavior. His doctor ordered home health physical therapy and a visiting nurse. Each time PT would come, he would suddenly have symptoms that would prevent him from exercising. He also was lying to them on a regular basis saying "I feel great today! I'm eating lots!" & as soon as they would leave, he would sit in his recliner all day and do nothing and barely eat or drink. His weight dropped to 135. I became frustrated seeing him berated by his wife each day. I kept telling her he's not making it up for attention. I told her in his mind these things are real. He started then with short term memory issues like asking me if he had gone anew here earlier in the day when he hadn't, forgetting to walk back with his cane if he got a cup of coffee. He fell one day & hit his head and his wife refused to call 911 & luckily I was here to stop her from trying to make him crawl to his recliner. His doctor said he thinks he may have vascular dementia. He put him on 5mg of aricept & since she didn't see an immediate change w/the drug, she said again he was making it up & he doesn't have dementia. 3 weeks ago, he developed a bad cough and she finally called an ambulance after he looked like he was dying. His bloodwork amazingly came back ok which was surprising because he basically lives off of Ensure shakes. He was transferred to a therapy rehab hospital. He began hallucinating conversations w/old coworkers & thinking he was at his brother's old house. He was terrified saying he thought she was going to leave him there permanently. She came home that day so upset saying it will kill him being there & she was pulling him out. I & other family told her it was better for him to have round the clock care. The doctor said he thinks he may have Lewy Body Dementia which she refuses to agree with & now plans to take him home tomorrow & insists she can take care of him. She can't. My boyfriend told her last night she cannot verbally berate him & she needs to come to terms that he has dementia & isn't getting better. His weight is now 129 & is still not eating w/an appetite stimulant. His PCP ordered a psych consult & she canceled it probably because she doesn't want to hear dementia diagnosis again. How do we get him the care he needs when she legally is in charge?