Mother is in an assisted living facility but wants to go home so much that she stays in bed all day and all night, defecates on the bathroom floor even though she wears a diaper. She won't motorize herself in her scooter to go to meals, and won't shower. She won't acknowledge anyone who visits, and refuses to take care of herself by going to therapy for her knee. The quandry here is IF she goes back home she won't take care of herself. She won't shower, or eat proper meals. The last time she was at home she fell numerous times and has a completely severed tendon in her shoulder, which she has no use of now since she won't get surgery to fix it. She subsisted on SunnyD and Mint Snickers. She's diabetic and doesn't take care of that either. When she's home she won't let anyone help her. She has completely given up "living" at the facility she's in, and yet if she goes home she will definitely die a horrible death. I have seven children and my husband and I both work full time and cannot possibly take care of her. What does a person do?? Let her die at her home happy or let her die miserable in the facility?? No matter how many times we've come in to clean, she's a pack rat and horder. Her house already is a fire hazard. Goodness the thought of her burning to death, or dying an agonizing death from a fall or wound or freezing to death...we just can't do that! She has all her mental capabilities, she's just a physical mess. She is 82 and wants to be home regardless of the consequences. Really, what is in her best interest?! HELP!

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I think you said it yourself, she can't go home. Sounds like to me she's having a tantrum of sorts, hoping to get kicked out of living asst. If that's the truth about the tantrum, then I'd get in her face about it. If it were my mother the conversation would go a little like this, "MOM, stop being a baby!! I'm sorry you can't go home EVER, I'm sorry your body is failing you after all these years, but that's life! The same will happen to me someday, it's inevitable. We live, we get sick and we eventually die. Can't be helped. Did you ever stop to think how hard this is on those who love you? Do you even care? Do you think I like seeing you pooping all over like a crazy person? You've got to STOP IT. You are NEVER going back to your home again. Period." Well anyway, that's what I would say. She may only need a dose of reality as to the NOT going home again part, but I'd still add the rest. I feel sorry for my poor mom if and when she hears this speech. ha.
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