What do I do for my mother who hates being in the dementia care facility for 4 days so far? - AgingCare.com

What do I do for my mother who hates being in the dementia care facility for 4 days so far?

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She says she wants to kill herself and if I don't take her home I can go away and good riddance to me.I'm so upset and worried about her.

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Yes I totally think they are wise words talkey and im working a night shift tonight so ive had lots to think about all night.I have to realise I cant give her everything she needs and if I uproot her again and it didnt work out I would have to go through the whole process again and with that brings more upset for her.thank u that helped so much
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Again thank you.   We are all in this together.  
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Ah so sad erinm60 my mam had breast cancer 4 years ago but was caught early so a lumpectomy and radiotherapy was all that was needed.so she got over that but then a year later diagnosed mixed dementia.she has Alzheimer's and vascular dementia.had a few minor strokes.I will keep posting to share this journey with everyone going through the same.it keeps me sane.
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I too thought about bringing Dad home awhile back, & some very wise person on this site pointed out to me that where we are now is undoubtedly as good as it gets. Meaning, even if I thought I could do it today, what about the decline that could come tomorrow, or the next day? And then the next step down from that? And I think what some are saying here is what has been suggested to me -- that I may be a trigger for Dad to remember that he doesn't want to be there & I should take him home with me. And when I see how well he's doing there, it's bc they have a staff (& they're young) to take care of him. Here it's only me. Just food for thought...
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thank you Kath61. We all really try to do the best we can. This is a nasty cruel disease. My moms friend died last year. No dementia. Cancer. She was diagnosed July 4 , died Labor Day. In a way in my opinion, so much easier.  I was with her a day before she died.  She asked how's your mother ?  I said the same.  She said " at least I know what's wrong with me"
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Thanx again everyone,it really helps me.to erinm60 yes my mam said that too and I vowed I never would but I live alone and I need to work to pay my bills.it was such a hard decision but she needed to be safe and I knew I really couldnt give her the proper help she needed.im always thinking did I do the right thing and the guilt is unbearable sometimes.its a cruel illness and the most traumatic situation when u have to make a decision on whats best for them.but whats best for them, to them is the worst thing.im not gonna pretend to u that its gonna be ok for your mother in the future cos it wont be.its very hard but u learn to deal with it.and having this amazing forum helps so much.u realise u arent alone.
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My mil ls in a MC..when we just pop in she is OK,, going along with activities. But every time fil visits.. she says "don't forget to take me with you"... So I think you have to take it as normal.. and give her some more time. She is OK once FIL leaves...
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Hi kath61. I'm a few years behind you I think. My mom lives with me. Dementia. Still an ok situation. However , I know the time will come when I can't provide the care she will need. She told our hairdresser a few days ago that she will never put one foot " in one of those places" and plans on dying in her own bed. Which happens to be in my house. Lol. But please keep posting. I'm so fearful of the day I'll be in your shoes.
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Don't give up your job. Think of all the reasons that won't work. Write them down. That helps.
Try some of the suggestions. Reread your own posting about the two weeks. I am sorry she had to leave the first placement and go through this transition again.
Hugs to you and mom both.
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Thanx for all the advice.I forgot to mention she was in a temporary placement for 3 months before this permanent one and she settled after 2 weeks but this time its far worse with the wanting to kill herself etc so thats why I was more concerned.she seems so much more distraught.I know its early days but im such a worrier and I love her and want her to be happy.im even considering giving up my job to care for her
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