My Mother who has wet macular degeneration, and very slight confusion believes she was raped at her last urology appointment. Any advice? - AgingCare.com

My Mother who has wet macular degeneration, and very slight confusion believes she was raped at her last urology appointment. Any advice?

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She remembers very clearly being “Raped” by the doctor. She wrote the doctor and gets more and more upset that they have not replied. My sister was in the room and is very sure this did not happen. My mother said it was extremely painful and was yelling for him to stop. At one point she was talking about legal action. I am at my wits end.

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Annie,
Having been a nurse for 39 years, I've seen my share of old ladies needing vaginal or urinary exams. I can say for a fact that, if you put an elderly woman up in stirrups without panties, she will think you have violated her. God forbid if you have to put in a vaginal speculum! In her mind, she has been raped.

I don't believe that very old women were keen on getting Pap smears and the like. "That place" was reserved for her husband, then the obstetrician when the babies came.

Most likely a woman suffered with prolapses and other female organ problems because she didn't want to go "show her genitals".

You can try to explain that sister was with her and the doctor did not do that, but, if she's confused, you're not going to change her mind.
Try diverting the subject when it comes up.

Often there's also a female nurse or M.A. in the room also-just so these sort of things DON'T happen.

Good luck.
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Reply to SueC1957
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I know exactly how you feel. My mother also suffered from dementia including all the delusions, hallucinations and phobias that go with it. Within the first three days after she was admitted to a skilled nursing facility, she claimed she was groped by a male resident in the basement of the facility, which she thought was some sort of bar, filled with men playing cards who were “all” leering at her as she walked in. No resident ever went in the basement, it was not a bar and the men there didn’t gather to play cards. The facility had her examined for evidence which freaked her out, humiliated and angered her even more. They had to report the incident to the state.

My point is that I realized then that over the years as her dementia was taking hold, she had developed an abject fear of men. She became obsessed with sex. She would go on and on during visits about how her facility was actually a brothel and everyone was having relations with absolutely everyone else. This was a complete and total manifestation of her dementia. I’ve often said that so many family skeletons fell out of the closet as my mom babbled on in her demented state, I did NOT want to know why she had become obsessed with sex.

Mom didn’t like to be touched. We have lots of posts here about the elderly who don’t want to take their clothes off and get in the shower or be bed bathed by a home health care worker. Keep a close ear on Mom’s conversations. Maybe there’s a pattern here. There was in my mom’s case.
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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When i was a nurse at a nursing home . We had a blind, mostly deaf client . The idiot doc ordered her to have a catheter. Well even though we are trying to explain to her that she has to have this, before I even started the poor women is yelling Rape the entire time. Nightmare for me and poor women and all staff present. They get so confused. Sometimes the Docs just dont understand
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Reply to baskethill1
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Thanks. Nice supportive ideas
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Reply to Nannieannie
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If your sister was in the room, she would know whether or not your mother was yelling for him to stop. Did the doctor have to do a vaginal exam during the appointment? A friend's mother has a dropped bladder, and a vaginal exam was needed to determine what sort of procedure would help.

It could be that your mother's 'very slight confusion' is far more advanced than you realized. Perhaps you and your sister could meet with the doctor or his office manager and discuss the situation. A trip to a geriatric psychologist maybe needed as well.
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Reply to Tothill
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