Mother has spoken.

Welcome to Sisterhood of Rotten Daughters Who Made Their Mothers Grow Old.

Now make a list of things to do that will soothe your wounded soul. And do them!

We placed my mother in care and had a carefree uninterrupted day of family fun in Niagara Falls. Even bought myself a 5lb Hershey Bar. The weight of the world lifted from my shoulders! (then planted itself on my belly and butt)

You can choose to "marinate" in what your mother has to say, or not (forgive me for stealing Dr. Laura's expression, but it is such a good one for the habitual thinking we do around this. You have a life. Make it a rich and wonderful life. If your mother chooses negativity there is utterly no reason to follow her lead.

If your mother wishes to label you, then embrace the labels, smile at her, and walk away. Take up sewing, knitting, gardening, grandkids or kids or volunteering. I foster dogs. I recommend it. Foster kittens if you prefer it. Cook up huge batches of great things to eat.

Why do you choose the negativity of your mother? Your repeating it to everyone you meat creates habitual paths in your brain that engrave her words indelibly.
How about sitting with hubby tonight, nice glass of wine and plan your next vacation?
How about sitting with hubby tonight, nice glass of wine and watch a fun movie?
My partner and I recommend Shogun on Hulu and FX.
Have FUN!

I'm so relieved to hear this, FallingWaters!

Mother can choose to speak.. speak nonsense if she wishes.. no-one says you must listen 🙉

Just as you can speak.. or ask "Did you get old Mother? Why did you do that?"

And don’t concern yourself about people in the nursing home think. They have heard it all and don’t believe most of it.

Tell her that’s ridiculous. SHE is the reason why she has to go to a NH. They wouldn’t accept her if it was just a request from you. SHE has to need it.

NO, No, No . Mom doesn’t get to blame you.

I’m going to tell you what I told my mother when she pulled that crap about me being the reason .

”Mother, I did not make you old , I can’t fix old .”

And yeah my mother told all kinds of lies about her “ rotten daughter “ .

Sorry .

Sometimes when a parent is older they still see us as being someone in their 20's and 30's. My parents did that when they got up into their 90's, and I was in my late 60's.

It didn't matter if I showed them my Medicare card or flashed my AARP membership, they still thought I could go to Home Depot and get them 30 bags of mulch.... [sigh].

You sound like you believe what your mother has decreed.

Isn't the reason she needs a skilled nursing facility her failing health and frailty?

Those didn't happen because of you.

What do you think having POA means? Not doing her bidding, if it's not within the realm of your ability. Get that clear in your head.

Of course I don't believe it and I don't speak of it to everyone I meet.

I am past caring, was a while ago.

As soon as matters are settled, I'm going no contact or at least low contact.

She is sick in the head and should've been in a nuthouse years ago.