After being on call 24/7 for her, we moved my mom into Independent Liv. recently. Very nice place close to us. She wanted to move there and seems to like it--making friends, getting settled in. Except. As I write this, we're packing to go out of town for a few days. We haven't taken a vacation in nearly 2yrs because she could not be left alone for that long. Even if we tried to take a day trip, she would have a panic attack and call us/act out. She left an angry msg earlier today and my guilt response kicked in immediately. I have been programmed very well to respond when she's unhappy. Her emotional well being has been my lifelong job. When she does not get the attn that she wants, she becomes angry and vicious. She used to go on what we dubbed "spite walks." Sometimes these were at night. Or during the day and she'd get lost. She would tell us that these were to teach us a lesson (her words). Now we know she's safe so even if mad, she has people around her to look after her. People who are probably infinitely better at this than I am. And yet, I'm riddled with guilt. I know logically that my husband, son, and I need a few days away. We need time together. But every cell in my body is saying I'm being selfish and neglectful. (Yes, I'm in therapy.) Does anyone else struggle with this? How does one set compassionate boundaries? Is it unkind to let calls go to voicemail? Thanks.